Don't Look Behind You!

"This story hooked me immediately and I finished in a shot. It's a great concept playing on the age-old fear of being watched or followed--that person you think you see out of the corner of your eye, but which seems to disappear when you really look. Well, in this story, the figure doesn't go away so easily. I like the diary format, which details the daily progression of the "haunting," and how each day more and more of her features are revealed. Great descriptions of the creature, particularly the face which blows in the wind like "bag of snakes," and the face which looks like she was making love to a meat slicer. The story gets genuinely creepy too, when he stands in front of his door, and then leers above his bed. I think you could do more with the diary format, having him talk about other things in his life, which gradually fall away as the creature comes closer and closer. I also think the story should be a bit longer only because there's a lot you could do with it--it ends very quickly, and by saying simply "don't turn around. Don't," it seems a little too easy. Maybe a postscript added by someone else? In short, I would like to know a little more about the mystery behind her, whether he really sees her, or he's being visited for some terrible crime, etc. I know you probably don't want to divulge this completely, but it seems unfinished as it (slightly). Still, it's a great story and so well-written and conceived. Write more please--of this story or something similar!"