The Fallen King

Arthur waited patiently outside the throne room, a distinctly worried look over his young face. He only stopped pacing up and down outside the huge bolted wooden door when Merlin said his name very seriously under his breath.

‘Yes, Merlin?’ Arthur mumbled, meeting his young servant’s eyes.

‘He said he’ll see you now, Sire.’ Merlin nodded towards the room Arthur was desperately trying to avoid.

Finally, he took a deep breath, straightened up, placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze, to which Merlin returned an uneasy smile, and walked through the doors being heaved open by the guards. When Arthur was inside, the guards shoved the doors closed again, leaving Merlin alone in the cold stone corridor.

It was getting late; the natural light no longer came through the stained-glass windows and flooded the halls, so the only light came from the flickering torches. They made strange shapes on the walls that made Merlin’s insides turn now and then. He suspected that Gaius probably wanted him back now, but he decided to wait outside the throne room for Arthur to return.

The reason for Arthur’s late-night meeting with the King was unclear to Merlin. All he knew was that Arthur had been feeling anxious for a few days now and had been avoiding Merlin’s gaze all week. Many times now, Arthur had turned in early without Merlin’s assistance, as well as avoiding all friendly chatter or concerned questions from Merlin’s side. He was beginning to feel rather useless as a servant and had been cast aside for a week now. This only ever happened when he had gotten on Arthur’s bad side, which happened surprisingly frequently. However, Merlin wasn’t aware of any bad air between them, and he knew that last week he had been on his best behaviour because previously Arthur had stated that if Merlin spent another day in the tavern, he would no longer need his services.

It was past midnight when, finally, the large doors clicked and swung open rather abruptly, waking a cold Merlin suddenly. He had sunk down against the wall and ended up on the stone floor.

‘Merlin?’ There was a tone of surprise and relief in Arthur’s tired voice. ‘You waited?’

‘Of course, Sire.’ Merlin had pulled himself up and was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. He yawned and looked at Arthur with concern. ‘Everything alright?’

Arthur, being the man he was, tried to shake the feeling that he was about to break down sobbing.

‘Fine,’ he lied.

Merlin, being the man he was, knew Arthur was lying. But he let him lie and walked back to his chambers with him.

When they reached Arthur’s chambers, Merlin felt determined to find out what it was exactly that had put Arthur on edge all week. Merlin was holding Arthur’s collar, helping him undress, when he hesitated.

‘Arthur, please talk to me. I’m your friend.’

At this, Arthur’s face fell slightly.

‘Alright,’ he sighed. ‘It’s nothing really, just that, well, father hasn’t been all too impressed with me recently, since the tournament.’

Merlin dropped his hands from Arthur’s shirt, and Arthur started to pace. Merlin watched him closely, wondering what awful task had been set for him, or what kind of horrific battle he was being sent to.

‘I didn’t do too well, as you know.’ Arthur sighed. Merlin had never seen him look so tired. ‘And, well, there was a princess there, a princess that, according to my father, I was supposed to ask to marry me, to join kingdoms and all that.’

Merlin felt a sudden jolt of anger mixed with jealousy. He knew Uther had been looking for a wife for Arthur for some time now, but had always hated the idea that Arthur couldn’t marry for love. And the jealousy part? Well, he wasn’t too sure about that feeling at the moment, so he concerned himself with Arthur’s worries and listened on.

‘And, of course, I don’t think she was impressed, and she left without a proposal, and I was left feeling humiliated.’ He raised his hand and his voice at the last part. Then he clasped his hands behind his back and continued pacing, his head hung low. ‘I’m making a big deal of it, but Father says he won’t rest until he finds a woman fit to be my Queen. He’s planned a ball.’

For some reason, Merlin’s insides jolted and hurt him so much that he physically held his hand to his heart.

‘And I just,’ he hesitated, and for the first time in a week, let his eyes linger on Merlin’s. ‘I just don’t want to be set up. What if I don’t love her, Merlin?’

His eyes were filled with desperation, and Merlin had an urge to wrap his arms around him and tell him everything was going to be ok. But he couldn’t, because how could he possibly know that? From his point of view, this was looking very bleak. The two young men looked at each other in a sombre silence.

And then, a tear fell down Arthur’s cheek. He had never let himself feel so vulnerable in front of anyone before, but with Merlin, he felt safe.

‘Arthur—’ Merlin began, but he faltered. He didn’t know what he could say to comfort him.

Then he remembered his destiny. It was never far away in his mind. He remembered the land that he and Arthur were to build. He remembered that one day, Arthur would be his own King. The once and future King.

‘Arthur, when you’re King, you can marry for love. Just hold it off until then. Don’t worry about the ball, I’ll think of something.’ Merlin gave Arthur his bravest smile, and somehow, Arthur’s eyes softened, and his face relaxed. ‘Sleep, Sire, you’re tired,’ Merlin said, matter-of-factly, and began pulling back the bed covers.

Arthur finished dressing and walked to the side of the bed. Merlin snuffed the candles and turned to put out the last one and leave, when Arthur said his name. Merlin turned, walked over to him and asked if there was anything else.

Arthur reached out and rested a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. ‘Thank you, Merlin,’ he said in an almost whisper. His eyes were still glistening slightly, and Merlin could feel his own heart beating so fast and loud that he wondered if Arthur could hear it. ‘You’re a good friend.’

He said this slowly, as if it took a considerable amount of effort, and didn’t break eye contact with him until Merlin shifted slightly, thanked him, and turned once again to leave.