6 Years Later

Amber heard her husband, Gary, walk through the door. He late. She knew he had his therapy session after work, but even so, he was still late.

When he walked into the kitchen, she gave him the same awkward kiss she always did. It had been six years since she felt any warmth from his kiss. Yet every day she hoped she would feel it again.

She looked at him and saw something different. For six years, she had seen only pain in her husband’s eyes. Now there was certainty. His certainty made her afraid. He had been drinking too. He never drank on weekdays.

Then he said the words she hoped she would never hear, “We need to talk.”

“Can we have dinner first?” she asked. She wanted one happy family dinner before her world fell apart.

Gary nodded, seeing the pleading in his wife’s eyes.

They called their teenage children down to join them. Amber made an extra effort. She asked her children about their day at school. They smiled. Gary made a joke, and they laughed. God! She was going to miss this.

With the table cleared and the dishes stacked in the dishwasher, their grumbling children were sent to their rooms.

“What did you want to talk about?” Amber asked Gary, hoping he couldn’t see or hear the fear she was feeling.

Gary took a deep breath. “I want a divorce.”

Amber’s eyes closed, and her shoulders dropped with resignation. “Why?”

“You know why.”

“But it’s been six years. I thought we were getting over it.”

Gary’s eyes became moist, and his pain returned. “I thought I was, but I realised today in therapy that I wasn’t, and I never will if we stay married.”

Amber tried to hold in her tears. She couldn’t. Her body began to shake. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she began to cry.

“I don’t understand. It’s been so long,” she knew this day was coming. She hoped beyond hope it never would, though. Every day that passed, that hope grew greater. Now her hope died.

“My therapist asked me today if I had ever got over your affair. I realised that I hadn’t, and I never will. When that man came into our lives and you gave yourself to him, it was a sign that our marriage was already dying.”

“But I chose you.”

“For eight months, you chose him.”

“I still don’t understand,” Amber wept disconsolately. “I’ve done everything I could to save our marriage. I cut him out of my life. I changed jobs. I went to therapy. Took accountability and told everyone. I lost friends. I cut off the friends who enabled me. I fixed all the problems I had that led me to have my affair. Are you saying it was all for nothing?”

Amber fell into Gary, feeling his arm wrap around her. The arm that always made her feel safe. The arm that swept away her guilt when she returned to him after being with her affair partner. The arm that made her end her affair. The arm that she would miss.

“When my therapist asked if I had ever truly got over your affair, I needed time to think. As I sat in the bar and drank my beer, an older couple entered hand in hand. The man said at the bar that it was their first anniversary after their kids had flown the nest, and they were celebrating their freedom. They were affectionate and kissing each other. As I watched them, I realised we would never have what they have.

“No, everything you did wasn’t for nothing. I appreciate everything you have done. You’ve changed. I’m proud of you for changing yourself. You no longer crave validation from other people for how you look. Instead, people praise you for what you do. You’re not the woman I married or the woman who had your affair. You’re someone better. Who knew you had a talent for pottery?”

“Then why do you want to divorce me?”

“Because even though you’ve changed, you still look like the person who had your affair. I cannot get past that, I’m sorry. It’s why we’ve barely had sex since your affair.”

“I’ve never cheated on you since,” Amber objected.

“I know you haven’t, but can you honestly say you’re happy in our marriage?”

“No,” Amber tearfully confessed. “That’s not true. I love our family. I love you. I loved you before my affair, and I honestly still loved you during it, even when I was him.”

“But you’re not in love with me, are you, not like that older couple I saw in the bar tonight?”

“No.”

“Why did you have your affair?”

“It was like you said, I needed validation. I needed someone to make me feel good about myself because I didn’t know what I needed to do to do it myself. You always made me feel safe and happy. My affair made me feel like I could be desired, but not in a good way, like how you did for me. He was a quick fix to make me feel good about myself. There was no love or affection for him. I never planned to leave you. That’s why I worked so hard to save our marriage. If I had known all this about myself, I would have never had my affair.”

“Thank you for telling me that.”

“Do you wish you had left when you found out?”

“Oh, crap!” Gary cried, feeling his tears run down his cheeks. “I’m happy I stayed. I’m glad that I tried to make it work. I’m grateful for the past six years. You managed to win back my trust. I’ve learnt to trust you again.” He took a deep breath, “I’ve learnt to forgive you, Amber, but so much is missing from our marriage that we can’t go on like this. You know that. I want to divorce you, while I don’t resent you. I want to divorce you in the best way possible, so that whenever we need to be there for our children, we can be in each other’s company without disliking each other. Do you understand?”

Amber nodded in his arms. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. I don’t regret marrying you.”

“I’m sorry,” she wept remorsefully.

“Don’t be. Your affair might have ended our marriage, but I made my own share of mistakes. We would have divorced anyway at some point.”

“I’ll tell the children that it’s my fault. That my affair is the reason why we’re breaking up.”

“I’m not going to let you do it alone or take all the blame. I’ll make sure our children won’t hold your affair against you. We should be proud of what we’ve achieved together. Two great kids. Over twenty years together. The past six years prove that we had something worth fighting for, but it was never meant to be.”

“Thank you for saying that. I don’t regret marrying you. I wish I could have been the woman I am now for you, not who I was. You’ve changed, too. I’ve made you into a stronger man for something you should never have had to be.”

“I would have been a worse man if you hadn’t tried so hard. I’m grateful to you for that.”

Amber reached up and cupped Gary’s face in her hand and kissed him.

Six Months Later

“Goodbye, Gary,” Amber told Gary sadly as he left the family home for the last time after their divorce was finalised. “I made you this for your new home.” She handed him a pot she had made. “Keep it until you find someone to make you happy. It’s to remind you that I still think so much of you.”

“Thank you,” Gary told her gratefully with a long embrace.

“If you ever want to try again. Tell me. Maybe we can build something new.”

“We’ll see. Goodbye Amber. I’ll see you next week when I pick up the kids.”

When the front door closed, a tear rolled down Amber’s cheek as her loneliness took hold.

Her sadness was interrupted by a message on her phone with a number she didn’t recognise.

“I heard about your divorce. Can we meet? We were good together. Maybe we could be again.”

She didn’t need to recognise the number to know who it was. Her therapy taught her that what he called good wasn’t good for her. She blocked the number and deleted his message.

Amber then smiled at herself. She had changed. The old her would have gone running to him. Instead, she went to her pottery wheel, the gift from Gary she valued the most, and started to make something new for herself.