GOD OF MADNESS

Maya’s POV

I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

Panic dragged heavily through my veins as I fought to suck in air, but nothing came. A sharp, paralyzing ache shot through my limbs. I tried to move my fingers—nothing. Nothing in my body would respond except my eyes, staring helplessly at the suffocating darkness above me, which seemed to grow darker, deeper, and heavier by the second.

And then they arrived.

The ghosts. The ones that came for me every single night, making my eyes sting with helpless tears.

No, no, no—fucking no, I screamed inside my head, but not a single sound passed my lips.

Then came the chorus of voices.

“Why are you so useless, Maya?”

“Why can’t you be anything like Mia?”

They were back. Why? I took my medication, so why the hell are they back?

The phantoms of my past stood towering right beside me, glaring down with hollow, blood-red eyes as the cacophony grew deafening.

“WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD, BITCH?”

“USELESS GARBAGE.”

“GOOD FOR NOTHING.”

The words slammed into me on a relentless loop, accompanied by sharp, mocking laughter. My entire frame began to violently shudder. I wanted to scream, to lash out, but nothing escaped my throat. I couldn't even lift my arms to cover my ears. Fucking useless. Maybe they were right.

Maybe that was all I was—worthless, disposable garbage.

Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks as the specters grew more vicious.

“

WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE, MAYA? NOBODY WANTS YOU ANYMORE ANYWAY.”

A strangled sob tore through my chest.

“YOUR SISTER SEES YOU AS NOTHING BUT A BACKSTABBER.”

More tears burned down my temples.

“

TO YOUR PARENTS, YOU ARE JUST A DISAPPOINTMENT.”

“AND YOUR BROTHER? HE’S ONLY PLAYING THE ROLE OUT OF OBLIGATION WHILE DESPISING YOU DEEP DOWN.”

Niko doesn’t hate me... right? He doesn't...

“AND YOUR FRIENDS? OH WAIT, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS. THEY’RE YOUR BROTHER’S AND SISTER’S FRIENDS, NOT YOURS. WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH A PATHETIC BACKSTABBER?”

The words broke me because I knew they were true. No one talked to me anymore. Kill, Jeremy, even Grez—they all looked right through me now, actively avoiding my presence. Even Mom and Dad never invited me back home or told me they loved me. Their only words were cold warnings: stay away from Mia, don’t cause any more trouble for your sister. And Landon... he looked at me with pure, unadulterated disgust.

I couldn't even blame them. I was good for nothing. That was why everyone abandoned me.

The mocking laughter swelled into a roar. And what did I do? I just lay there, weeping like a pathetic loser, gasping for nonexistent air, completely unable to control my convulsing limbs. Pathetic, I thought, letting my eyelids flutter shut. Maybe, just maybe, if I simply stopped fighting for oxygen, I would finally be dead—just like everyone wanted.

“Maya.”

A voice. Low, deep, and husky.

“Lisonka, open your eyes. Look at me.”

The sound forced my eyes open. That warm, familiar rumble sent a piercing ache straight through my chest as reality crashed over me: I lost him too. He hates me now.

Yet the voice lingered, soft and pleading, calling out to me. Why? Doesn't he despise me too? Memories of those striking brown eyes flooded my vision, but in the dark, they twisted—warping with hatred and disgust, just like the rest of them, before he turned his back to vanish into the void.

“No, no, no—fuck, please, no!”

This time, my limbs gave way, and I found myself sprinting through the pitch-black after him.

“Wait, please wait! Don’t leave me here, I’m terrified!”

I pleaded, sobbing uncontrollably.

He didn't slow down. I lunged forward, grabbing his hand and begging,

“Ilya, please... you don't hate me. Please, just look at me.”

He turned. But the warm brown in his eyes was gone—replaced by an empty, terrifying abyss of black. A cruel laugh tore from his throat. I tried to pull my hand back, but his grip clamped down violently, bruising my skin.

“YOU DESERVE TO DIE, MAYA. YOU’RE GOOD FOR NOTHING

.”

His voice merged with the howling ghosts around us as they all erupted into hysterical laughter. His fingers clamped around my throat, squeezing tightly. I clawed desperately at his hands, sinking my nails into his skin.

“Il-ya... p-please...”

I choked out, tears pouring relentlessly down my face.

I lost him too.

I let my eyes close, surrendering, allowing myself to plunge deeper into the suffocating abyss as phantom hands dragged me down, reveling in my misery.

Suddenly, a warm hand gripped my cold shoulder.

A voice cut through the dark—not deep or husky, but soft and female.

“Maya! Maya, wake up!”

“MAYA!”

My eyes snapped wide open.

My breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. My vision swam, and my body shook violently. I looked around wildly—the suffocating void was gone.

“Maya, can you hear me?”

I blinked against the blur and nodded, frantically wiping at the wetness on my cheeks. Fucking pathetic, I scolded myself.

I turned my head and saw Sia—my new roommate. The last one had moved out because she couldn't stand the shame of living with the "evil twin." She hadn't said those exact words, but I had seen the unspoken revulsion in her eyes. It was the same look everyone on campus gave me: plastered-on polite smiles masking the disgust that treated me like dirt beneath their shoes.

Even the people who used to swarm around me from day one now made flimsy excuses to stay as far away as possible.

“Maya, can you hear me?”

Sia repeated, her tone sharper with concern.

My eyes met hers, and the familiar brown hue struck a painful nerve.

“

Yeah... I’m fine. Just a nightmare. I watched a horror movie earlier, you know?”

I stammered, offering a hollow, pathetic excuse while wiping away lingering tears.

Sia Smith—a medical university scholar with an introverted nature, a gentle demeanor, and green-flecked hazel-brown eyes—sat on the edge of the mattress.

“

You don't look okay. When I came in, you were sobbing so hard, and...”

She trailed off, hesitating before looking pointedly at my neck.

“Well... you were choking yourself.”

My hand instinctively went to my throat. When I pulled it away, I saw blood smeared across my fingers and under my nails. The stinging scratches flared to life, threatening to bring fresh tears to my eyes.

I forced a trembling smile onto my split lips.

“Haha... horror movies. Never watching one again.”

I bit my lip hard, fighting down the urge to break down.

Sia stared at me, her expression full of genuine worry.

“Should I call someone? Your brother, or maybe a friend? Or do you want me to sit here with you?”

She was surprisingly sweet—always hovering nearby, slipping protein bars into my bag when she noticed I was skipping meals, and making a point to sit next to me in class when the rest of the lecture hall avoided me like a plague.

“Only because she doesn’t know how truly pathetic you are yet,”

the phantom voices whispered.

They were still here, lingering just out of sight. The realization sent another tremor through my hands.

“I’m really fine, Sia,”

I said, forcing myself to sit up and pushing a wide, bright smile onto my face as I willed my limbs to stop shaking.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? It’s late.”

She stood up slowly. “Are you sure?”

Her gaze locked onto mine, searching as if trying to peer straight into my blackened soul.

“

Positive. Go sleep, or you’ll end up with nasty dark circles, and nobody wants those,”

I replied, capping it off with a hollow, forced chuckle.

She gave me one last lingering, doubtful look before finally stepping out of the room.

The moment the door clicked shut, the silent laughter returned. They're going to take me with them this time.

Panic gripped my chest again. Tears flooded my eyes as my legs gave out, barely carrying me as I scrambled toward the closet. My breath came in sharp, ragged gasps as my trembling hands tore through shelves.

Where are they? Fuck!

The panic attack hit with full force. Black static buzzed at the edges of my vision. My fingers finally brushed against cool glass—the amber pill bottle.

I tried to twist the cap off with slippery, convulsing fingers, but the bottle slipped, crashing onto the hardwood floor and shattering into pieces. Frustrated, helpless tears spilled over.

Fuck! Why, God, why?!

dropped to my knees amidst the shards as the deafening mockery rang out in my skull again.

“Shut up... shut up... shut the fuck up,”

I whimpered.

I snatched two—maybe three—pills straight off the dusty floor and forced them down my dry throat without water. Curling into a tight ball on the floor, I pulled my knees against my chest.

“Shut up... please, just shut the fuck up...”

The voices surged, roaring in my ears

“ALONE! ALONE! FUCKING ALONE!”

“BEG MIA FOR FORGIVENESS!”

“AND YOUR FRIENDS? OH WAIT, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Then, slowly, the medication hit my bloodstream.

The roar dwindled into a faint murmur, and then into total silence. My frantic, racing heartbeat slowed to a dull, rhythmic thud.

On trembling, unsteady legs, I dragged myself up from the closet floor.

I stumbled back toward the bed and collapsed onto the mattress—completely hollow, entirely silent.

A final, stray tear rolled down my temple into the pillow.

“I’m sorry... please... I’m scared...”

And then, everything went black.

TO BE CONTINUED...