Hello!

"This was a great idea for a story but a few things that you might need to improve. First the timeline it'a not clear. You didn't clear characters' ages so sometimes it makes the readers confuse. If both ML and FL are of same age how does he know so much and she doesn't know anything. Second if a person is saying two dialogues in one go put them in the same line. How can his mother and her father be in the school (make it make sense) and the next minute they are in kitchen?? The story could be lengthy and more interesting if the background of her father was shown in detail, not just vague things others said. The title is clashing with story at some point. It has potential..it really does so if you want to improve it you can ask me. But in the end these are my opinions you know your work better. "