Willow + Wren
It's been a while since I've thought about the time I got caught shoplifting at the mall, but I just got home from my best friend’s bachelorette party, and I guess it stirred up some long-forgotten memories.
Even when my husband asked me how I lost my virginity, I told him the same anecdote I’d told all my friends, a bland tale of awkwardly fumbling around in the back seat of my date’s car after the Homecoming Dance. Guys, especially, like it when they get to feel like they’re the first one to give you real pleasure.
But it isn’t true. My first time was a wild, sensuous adventure, and the best part was that it was completely unexpected.
I was a senior in high school at the time, a period in which girls like me are under incredible pressure to preserve their reputations at the same time as doing whatever it takes to be popular.
You had to dress in a flirty, sexy way without being seen as a slut. You had to get along with the guys without being so friendly that they’d start spreading rumors around you. And you had to do all this while also maintaining your grades and keeping your parents off your back.
In other words, it wasn’t easy, and it was even more difficult for me because my parents were struggling financially. I’m not saying we were poor. Far from it, really. But you’ve got friends with platinum express cards who can buy hundreds of dollars worth of clothes on a whim at the mall, it’s tough to keep up.
Frankly, it’s a miracle I managed to walk that tightrope as well as I did. Looking back on it now, the obsession with certain accessories or clothing brands all seems a bit juvenile and silly, but back then, a part of me legitimately felt like I was going to die if I couldn’t keep up with the latest trends.
The one that did me in involved silk scarves. Not only did the material have to be real silk, but it had to have an intricate, colored pattern.
For a brief period, the rage was to wear them tied up in different ways, and I remember being at my friend’s house as we practiced doing things like knotting them around our waists, weaving them through our hair, or wrapping them around our chests to make a kind of top, especially on warmer days.
After a whole lot of unseemly begging and maybe even some fake tears, I convinced my dad to give me the money to buy one. But that wasn’t enough, was it? No. Pretty soon, you had to wear a different one every day of the week to show off your “collection,” and so the pressure was on to acquire more.
Unfortunately, no amount of pleading convinced my dad to buy me any more of them, and my poor mother, God bless her, offered to knit me a scarf, which of course was useless.
Therefore, I can truly say that I felt my life was on the line when I headed to the mall one day to shoplift some scarves from this store called Willow + Wren at the mall.
I’d never shoplifted before, so I was quite nervous when it came to planning it out. I was going to wear my denim jacket with big, baggy sleeves, and I was going to bring my biggest purse with me, the interior of which I’d lined with aluminum foil.
Then I was going to pretend to examine the scarves before discreetly stuffing them up my sleeve, and then when I was in a corner of the store out of sight of the cameras, I’d transfer them to my purse. The aluminum foil would then prevent the scanners from going off when I walked out. I had no idea if it was going to work, but I just didn’t know what else to do.
Unfortunately, on the day in question, the weather turned quite warm. I had to keep the jacket, so to keep myself from getting too overheated, I put on a simple flower print sundress and some sandals. It was a bit of an odd look, but when I looked in the mirror, I kept telling myself that I didn’t stand out too much. Besides, there was air-conditioning in the mall, right?
My heart was pounding the moment I got off the bus and stepped into the mall. Too scared to go straight to Willow + Wren, I first made a detour to the food court, thinking that sipping on an Orange Julius and eating a soft pretzel would calm me down, which it did, a little.
Knowing that I was being tracked by cameras, I then did a slow pass through the mall, doing my best to look like an ordinary teenage girl out for a day of some harmless window shopping.
I ended up strolling past the store twice before I finally summoned up the courage to step inside. I then wasted probably a good fifteen minutes looking at everything else but the scarves, picking random clothing items from the racks and pretending to examine them before putting them back.
Finally, I could put it off no longer, so I eased my way over to the corner of the store where they sold accessories, including an amazing collection of gorgeous silk scarves. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw a girl my age looking at them, but when I got a look at her face, I saw she didn’t go to my school, so that was a tremendous relief.
My hands were trembling pretty good as I began browsing through the scarves. I found this lovely one with a deep purple and blue pattern, and so that was the first one that I stuffed up the inside of my jacket sleeve. Afraid it might fall out, I had to hold my hand up as I moved onto a shimmering green and yellow number, and it soon followed the first one inside my jacket.
By the time I had four of those beauties safely ensconced in my sleeve, my hands were clammy, and I could feel sweat beading up on my forehead.
Nonetheless, since nobody had come over to confront me, I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and keep moving. I slid over to the jewelry counter and pretended to look at the earrings, all while keeping a sharp eye out for any staff looking my way.
Everything was going great, but what I hadn’t counted on was that there were no blind spots in the store. Every time I glanced up, I spotted another camera looking down at me. I just didn’t know how I was going to transfer the scarves from my jacket sleeve to my purse without getting seen, and so I began to panic.
Just then, though, I spotted a woman taking a ruffled skirt up to one of the staff so she could try it on in the dressing room. Aha!
Instantly, a plan popped into my head, so I grabbed a pair of jeans and walked over that way. The attendant gave me a big plastic tag with the number 1 on it, and that was all I needed. I made a beeline for the nearest dressing room and closed the curtain behind me.
Anyone watching me on camera would be on alert for the jeans, which I had no intention of stealing of course. As quickly as I could, I unloaded the scarves and then stuffed them into my purse, double-checking that the aluminum lining was still in place. I then sat there for a few minutes to make it seem plausible like I had tried on the jeans before getting up and returning them along with the plastic tag to the attendant.
I was home free after that, or so I thought. I breezed through the exit, and the alarms remained completely silent. I turned left and was just about to do a celebratory fist pump when an unmarked door opened and a man in his late 20s wearing a security guard uniform stepped out. I intentionally did not meet his gaze, but he marched straight over to me and grabbed me by my wrist.
“Hey!” I protested, more shocked by the violation of my personal space than anything else.
“Enjoying your shopping today, miss?” said the security guard with a little chuckle.
“Let me go,” I said, trying and failing to break free of his grasp.
“Not until we have a look through your purse,” said the security guard, dragging me back to the door he had come through.
“You can’t do this!” I spluttered, but all of the people passing by just ignored us, something I’ve never forgotten.
“Do what I say, and this will go a lot easier for you,” said the security guard, pushing me into what turned out to be a small but cluttered office, the bare cinderblock walls a sharp contrast to the chic interior decor of Willow + Wren.
