I deserved better

I deserved better.

I deserved a body that kept its promises,

one where the blood flowed sweet without a penalty,

where cells did not starve in the midst of plenty,

forcing me to measure out my life in drops and needles.

I did not deserve to watch my own flesh become a battlefield,

counting numbers just to stay alive,

carrying the heavy weight of an illness

I never asked for, never earned,

yet had to mourn in silence.

I deserved a heart that was treated like a sanctuary,

not a revolving door for your betrayals.

I gave you a devotion that was fierce and clean,

only to have you trade it away for cheap secrets,

whispered lies, and hands that did not belong to me.

You took my trust, wrapped it in your preoccupied loyalty,

and left me to collect up the crumbs

of a future you promised we would build together.

I deserved a home that felt like peace,

not a minefield where I grazed landmines,

waiting for the sudden shift in your weather.

I deserved to be spoken to with tenderness,

not crushed by the cruel, calculated weight of your words

that told me I was small, that I was nothing,

until I almost believed your poison was truth.

And God, I deserved hands that held me,

not hands that hurt me.

I deserved a love that didn't leave bruises

on my skin or fault lines in my spirit.

I did not deserve the terror, the breaking,

the physical theft of my safety and my dignity.

But the truth is a fire that cleanses.

I deserved better than the scarcity you handed me,

better than the disease of your affection,

better than the violence of your presence.

Now, I am reclaiming the ground you stole.

I am healing my body, guarding my heart,

and learning that my worth was never yours to define