Intense

"First things first: I love the story. I love the plot, I adore the characters. Jeoram is built up nicely. While you can almost sympathise with him in the beginning of the story, he is growing more an more despicable over the course of time. I like that. I -like- the way Aurianna has to cope, has to fight to survive her traumatizing experiences. My -mind you, it's a small one - problem with Aurianna is, that her built-up as "hero" takes a long time. So far she is "woman" mostly. She is utterly human. She makes poor decisions. She is hotheaded. She has a temper. She is an easy target to Jeoram. The supposedly "strong" paladin Aurianna is relatively easy manipulated by her (ex-)fiance. And while Matthias and Mykael praise her worth for the goddess she doesn't really exhibit so much "blessed by the goddess, being a true paladin" abilities. Having read another story from Miss Mitchell, I remember the paladin ready to give herself in order to protect the weak is blessed with extraordinary speed and strength... Aurianna never shoes any of these "paladin specials". But - she doesn't give herself in order to protect the weak in the course of the story. She wants revenge, she's protecting herself, she's protecting Matthias. And the one time she -is- protecting a weak (Clara) she is badly wounded. So... while i really really hope for Aurianna BEING gifted by Afodisia she has yet to exhibit that. Now... Clara. I LOVE Clara. She is a really great character that I came to like a lot! I am really looking forward to reading more about Clara. The end... yeah. It's a quick end. Unsatisfying. With the knowledge that there is going to be a second part I'm ok with the end though. It doesn't close the story really. It's more like one of these cliffhangers between two seasons of your favourite series you bingewatched on Netflix. I read the story in one day. Because - again - the author had me captivated within the first few paragraphs. So - all critics aside - I have to say that i LOVE the story. I LOVE the writing style. I LOVE the character development. And what fascinates me most is the intensity. The entire story is incredibly intense and crawls right underneath your skin. All thumbs up for "To betray a Master""

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"Wow. Intense"

Unedited Demonic Paladin Erotica

"A quick, easy read featuring R.A. Salvatore style combat and a basic exploration of the difference between love, possessiveness, and desire. The Good: 90% of what's on the page is directly pertinent to the story. Interesting way to contrast seemingly opposing viewpoints. The Meh: There's no real resolution. Fairly predictable plot. The Ugly: Technical writing skills. First: Proofread, Edit, Proofread, and then Edit again. Read sentences out loud. Copy and paste individual sentences into blank documents and pick them apart for tone, grammar, punctuation, etc... I lost track of the number of sentences with missing, misused, or redundant words. The story length could probably be halved just by eliminating redundancies. Second: If you're going to describe that much combat, choreograph. Have friends act it out or act it out yourself. Many of the detailed descriptions fail based on logic, physics, and tactics. One example that hits all three: The fight with the Lord Commander. Even without increased speed and strength, he was described as easily twice her size and weight; there's no way she's going to knock him on his back while he's braced unless he threw the fight - which he cannot do logically. So her tactic would be to unbalance him first, and then knock him on his back. Tactics he would know to expect since he's (probably) watched the whole of her training. Finally, you have a long, redundant exploration of a complicated, emotional topic without a resolution. Unless, of course, you're saying that the only way to reconcile misunderstandings about love and lust involve sexual bonding and slavery. Which, I don't think you do, mainly because the first external threat to that solution tore it apart almost instantly. Last thoughts: You tell an engaging and detailed story - I particularly appreciated that you didn't burden me with tons of unnecessary backstory. Hone your craft just a little bit and there's no reason why you can't deliver five star epics."

To Betray a Master

"Marilyn, super story, detailed, maybe a bit more of the characters looks, etc. you have the story moving fast, battle after battle, rapes against Aurianna, by many, and Matthias wanting Aurianna as well, but the the two coming together after he rapes her, to form a bond.........really detailed, and lots of depth in your story......excellent writing Marilyn...........please continue with the excellence you posses this day, this story. Work a bit on Grammar............ william elliott kern"