Chapter 1
The phone ringing was the first thing I heard.
I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head, trying to escape the sound.
It kept ringing.
“Seriously…”
I reached blindly across the nightstand, my fingers searching for my phone.
But before I found it, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
“Mia.”
I froze.
For a second, I forgot about the phone. Forgot what time it was. Forgot where I was.
Then everything came rushing back.
Jake.
My heart started beating faster.
I slowly turned my head.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me, his elbows resting on his knees. His phone was the one ringing.
Jake.
My brothers best friend.. The guy I had a crush on for so long.. He was here.
In my bed.
Or maybe it was his bed.
I wasn’t entirely sure anymore.
But he was here.
And last night— I smiled before I could stop myself.
For the first time in years, maybe everything had changed.
The phone stopped ringing.
Jake didn’t move.
“Who is calling?”
He put both hands over his face.
My smile faded as I realised something was off.
“What’s wrong?”
He lowered his hands slowly.
“Nothing.”
“Come on.. I know you better than that.” I said clearly able to read the room.
He stood up, which was never a good thing.
I pulled the blanket a little higher around myself, suddenly aware of how vulnerable I was.
“What is going on?”
“I don't know how to say it..” He said barely looking at me.
“You’re pacing. So just say it”
“I know.”
“Very convincing.”
He didn’t smile.
That was when the strange feeling in my stomach became something heavier.
“Jake?”
He looked at me.
Really looked at me.
And I wished he hadn’t.
Because whatever I saw in his eyes wasn’t what I had hoped to see.
“This was a mistake, Mia.”
The words didn’t make sense.
Not at first.
I actually laughed.
Just once. A small, confused sound.
“What?”
“This was a mistake.”
“You already said that.” I said.. My voice barely above a whisper.
“I know.” He looked more at the floor than me.
“Then maybe explain what you’re talking about.”
He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Mia—”
“No.”
I pushed the blanket higher.. Still naked under it.
“No, don’t do that.”
“Do what?” He asked as if I couldn't already read his mind. Almost as if he forgot how well we knew each other.
“That thing where you say my name like I’m about to break.”
His jaw tightened.
“I don’t think you’re going to break.”
“Good.” I said, trying to sound as if this didn't affect me at all.
“I just think we need to be honest about what happened.”
I stared at him.
“What do you mean.. We both wanted this? We were honest.”
“No.”
“Yes, we were.”
“No, Mia. We weren’t.”
I folded my arms across my chest.
“I might have had a little to drink last night, but I know we both fully agreed to this” I said looking at him, and I could see I hit a nerve, beause I was right. We both wanted this last night.
“Then what exactly were we doing?” I asked wanting answers.
He didn’t answer.
“Jake?”
“I don’t know.”
I gave a humorless laugh.
“Of course you don’t.”
“It wasn’t supposed to happen.” His hands going through his hair.
“But it did.”
“I know.”
“So what now?” I asked
He looked at me.
“Now we forget it.”
My chest tightened.
“Forget it?”
“Yes.” He said as if it was the most natural thing.
“Just like that?”
“It was one night.” He said
I looked at him trying to figure out what was happening.
“One night?”
He nodded.
I stared at him, waiting for him to take it back.
He didn’t.
“You really mean that?”
“I think it’s better if we do.”
I nodded slowly.
“Right.” I said pulling the blanket around me as I stood up.
“Mia—”
“No, it’s fine.” I started moving towards my things. I couldn't stay in this much longer.
“It isn’t.”
“I said it’s fine.” I snapped.
“It clearly isn’t.”
“Why don’t you let me decide that?”
He sighed.
“Because I know you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I’ve known you my entire life.”
“And apparently you still don’t know me.” I said letting the anger clearly out.
He flinched.
Good.
At least something had landed.
I turned away and started looking for my clothes.
“Where are my jeans?”
“Mia.”
“Where are they?”
“By the chair.”
“Thanks.”
I walked across the room.
My hands were shaking.
I hoped he couldn’t see.
As I started to get dressed he spoke again
“Last night wasn’t meaningless.”
I stopped.
For one stupid second, hope sparked again.
“Then tell me why.”
He was silent.
I laughed bitterly.
“Exactly.”
“Liam made me promise.” He said those words so fast I almost didn't catch it.
“What?” I said, thinking I heard him wrong.
“Liam.”
“My brother?”
“Yes.”
“Why would Liam have anything to do with this?”
“Because he is my best friend.”
“So?”
“You are his little sister.”
I stared at him.
“He made me promise never to go that far with you.”
My stomach dropped.
“What?”
“He didn’t think it was a good idea.”
“And you listened to him? You are going to let him decide everything in your life?”
“It isn't that simple.” he said.
“Did he tell you not to kiss me?”
Jake said nothing.
“Did he tell you not to touch me?”
“Mia.”
“Did he tell you not to sleep with me?”
His expression hardened.
“Don’t.” He said turning away from me.
“Why? Because it’s embarrassing?”
“No.”
“Then what?” I said getting frustrated.
“Because I last night was amazing, but nothing can ever happen between us Mia!”
I stared at him.
“Okay.” I said as the room filled with silence.
“Mia.”
“Okay.” I repeated.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said trying to hold me.
“You’re doing a great job so far.”
He closed his eyes for a second.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. It was passion.”
I looked back at him.
“Passion?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“No.” He shook his head and went quiet.
His phone started ringing again.
I glanced toward the nightstand.
The name on the screen made everything inside me go cold.
Stacey.
I looked at Jake.
He had seen it too.
Something changed in his face.
Barely.
But I saw it.
“You should answer.” I said as I grabbed my purse.
“No.” He said looking back at me.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“It’s Stacey.”
“I know.”
“She might be wondering where you are.”
“I’ll call her later.”
I stared at him.
“Later?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m talking to you.”
The phone stopped. Neither of us spoke.
Then it started ringing again.
Jake’s eyes flicked toward it.
I noticed.
Of course I noticed.
“You’re going to answer it.”
“No.”
He threw his arms up in the air.
“You want to.”
“No.”
“You looked at the phone.” I stated.
“So?”
“So you care that she’s calling.”
“I care because she means something to me”
The words hit harder than they should have.
They had history.. They used to be together.
Right. Of course. Still it hurt. She was one of my biggest bullies.. After she moved away Jake swore he wouldn't ever see her again.
I looked away.
“Would she care?”
He stared at me.
“Mia.”
“Would she care about what we did last night?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do.”
He sighed.
“Yes.”
“Then maybe that’s the mistake.”
His expression changed.
“What?”
“Maybe last night wasn’t the mistake.”
“Mia—”
“Do you still have feelings for her?.” I asked not sure I wanted to know the answer.
I looked at him when he wouldn't answer that.
“Really? So you do have feelings for her?”
“We have history.. That's all.” he said.
“You expect me to believe that?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t.”
“That’s your choice.”
I laughed quietly.
“Of course it is.”
“Mia, I swear to you, Stacey isn’t why I’m saying this.”
“She is your Ex-girlfriend.. the one that got away right? ”
I looked at him again “ So.. Is she back? ”
“No ” He said looking at me
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Because I promised Liam.”
“You’ve said that.”
“And because I know this would destroy everything.”
“What would?”
“Everything.”
He looked out hte window, but I kept looking at him.
“That sounds like an excuse.”
“Maybe it is.”
“At least that’s honest.” I said.
He looked down.
“I care about you.”
I swallowed.
“Don’t.”
“I do.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re trying to make this easier.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I care about you, Mia. I always have.”
“Then don’t treat me like something you can turn off in the morning.”
His face fell.
“I never wanted you to feel like that.”
“But that’s exactly how I feel.”
The room went quiet.
His phone buzzed.
He looked at it.
I didn’t need to ask who it was.
“Answer it.”
“Mia—”
“Just answer it. ”
I said turning to leave.
“I don’t want to leave like this.”
“Then how do you want to leave it?”
He didn’t answer.
I picked up my jacket.
He watched me.
“Mia.”
“What?”
I said glaring at him.
“Promise me something.”
I looked at him.
“What?”
“No one can know.”
I stared at him.
He continued.
“Not Liam. Not Stacey. Not anyone.”
I felt something inside me crack.
“You’re embarrassed.”
“No.”
“Then why does it have to be a secret?”
“Because people will make it into something it isn’t.”
“Or maybe they’ll see something you don’t want to admit.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Neither is this.” I said pointing between us.
He stepped closer.
“Mia, please.”
I hated that word.
Please.
As if he had any right to ask me for something after telling me I was a mistake.
“Promise me.”
I looked into his eyes. I wanted to say no.
I wanted to tell Liam.
I wanted to tell Stacey.
I wanted everyone to know that for one night, Jake had chosen me.
Instead, I nodded.
“Fine.”
“Mia—”
“I promise.”
He looked relieved.
And somehow, that hurt more than everything else.
I grabbed pulled out my phone to see the time.
“Goodbye, Jake.”
He took a step toward me.
“Mia.”
I opened the door.
“What?”
He looked like he wanted to say something.
Anything.
But he didn’t. So I smiled.
The kind of smile I had perfected over the years.
The one that said I was fine.
The one that said nothing could touch me.
“Don’t worry.”
I stepped into the hallway.
“I’ll forget it.”
I closed the door behind me.
The second it clicked shut, I stopped.
My hand remained on the doorknob.
I stared at the floor.
One second.
Two.
Three.
Then my vision blurred.
I pressed my lips together.
“No.”
I whispered it to myself.
“No. Not here.”
I walked.
One step.
Then another.
I made it down the stairs before the first tear fell.
I wiped it away immediately.
Then another came.
And another.
By the time I reached the front door, I couldn’t stop them anymore.
I stepped outside into the cold morning air.
Nobody was there.
Nobody could see me.
So for the first time since Jake had looked me in the eyes and called us a mistake, I let myself cry.
And I hated him for being the reason I finally did.
