404: Love Not Found

Rosalie's POV

The first thing I notice about Evergreen Moor University is how ridiculously loud it is. Not even the lectures, because I have only just made it inside the gates, but the sheer volume of people yapping, laughing, and aggressively hugging like they haven’t seen each other in ten years.

Clutching my bag strap for dear life, I’m genuinely about to do a complete 180, walk back to the car park, and tell my mum I’ve changed my mind so I can retreat to online classes from my house, where it’s safe.

From the roadway, my mother is still seated in her car, a finger pointed at me in warning to stay, then she nudges it left and right, signalling no.

Grimacing, I turn like a toddler on her first day of kindergarten, gaping at the enormous stone building in front of me, my heart thudding rapidly. I’d spent two years studying lectures through a screen. Two years of submitting assignments without having to sit beside anyone. Two years of being able to turn off my camera whenever I needed a minute to breathe. And now I’m here, physically here, with no camera to turn off and save me from my anxiety. I’m about to trade two years of hidden-camera lectures and easy escape routes for actual, real-world human interaction.

“Okay, Rosalie,” I tell myself. “Be like Johnnie.” My voice sounds embarrassingly small, considering I am twenty-one, and I take a breath. Then another. “Just walk.”

__

My student flat is in an ancient building full of endless winding corridors, and while I’m standing outside Room 214, double-checking my key, the door swings wide open.

This is how I meet Chloe.

A girl with a mass of curly brown hair sticks her head out. “You’re Rosalie.”

It’s not a question, and I blink, a feeling of discomfort instantly hitting me, even though I know she’s simply being friendly.

“Yes.”

She grins, grabs my hand, and pulls me in, opening the door wider to show two others. One is unpacking clothes, and the other is on a bed with headphones on, lying on her tummy, legs up, ankles crossed.

“Priya and Mia.” She points to them both. Priya is the one with the headphones, and the bed above hers is mine. It’s the only empty one remaining. “Sorry, I’m Chloe, AND TONIGHT, WE’RE HAVING A WELCOME PARTY!”

These three girls would become my family away from home.

And Noah, but I won’t meet Noah for another week.

My phone vibrates.

Mum: You there?

I stare at the message, and another appears.

Mum: Please tell me you’ve gone inside.

I can bet Sera Bennett is outside, her eyes on the gate, waiting to see if I’ll sneak back out. This is the kind of mother she is. Caring in every way. She and my father were the best parents anyone could ever hope for.

Always supportive, no matter what, but not coddling, and when necessary, like waiting outside the massive iron gates, to usher me back in.

I put my bag down because, for some reason, my hands are shaking. Nobody notices. Or perhaps they do and are kind enough not to mention it. I sit in the nearby chair with the sole empty desk, mine, obviously, and look around the room.

Three strangers. Four beds. One tiny window.

A beginning.

I should be terrified, and trust me, I am. But beneath the fear is something else. Hope for myself…

My phone vibrates again, and I look down.

Mum: Proud of you.

My throat tightens, and I type back: I love you, Mum.

__

By party, Chloe meant a night of light beer and pizza. I declined the beer and had only a slice of pizza, earning the title of “official party pooper” from my roommates.

__

That night, after everyone had gone to sleep, I lay beneath the unfamiliar duvet and stared at the ceiling. I felt alone. I’m used to my parents being next door and knowing they would come running the moment I called.

Suddenly, everything feels very far away.

Taking my phone off the charger, I text my father first, then I open the dating app, smiling when I see there is one new message.

Oliver: How was your first day?

I smile wider.

Oliver is my boyfriend. Though we have never met and have never exchanged our real phone numbers or social media accounts, we agreed that we are dating.

The only things we know about each other are our names and how we feel about each other. We talk about everything, but we leave out names, like where we work and where we live.

All I know is that he’s a doctor, and at first, I assumed he worked in a hospital, but eventually learned he’s a psychologist. I also know he does research, but not where.

Just as he knows I am at university now, but nothing else.

He doesn’t know what I look like now, or where I live, or why I spent the last years studying from home. He doesn’t know about the nights when I can’t sleep, or how difficult it is for me to walk into a crowded room sometimes.

I type: Terrifying. But I made it lol

His reply comes almost immediately: You went, though. Relax, students can be nice if you allow them to be.

Me: Yes, my new beginning.

Pressing the phone against my excited heart, I smile into the darkness because he knows I had been hesitant to begin. I don’t know yet that Oliver Whitmore is already part of my new beginning.

I don’t know that I’ll soon walk into a lecture hall and see him standing there.

And I definitely don’t know that I’ll delete the only place where he can reach me.

For tonight, I simply close my eyes, picturing his handsome face, the warm, easy smile and steady gaze I’ve spent months imagining behind a screen. My chest rises and falls slowly, the heavy knot of tension in my shoulders finally unraveling as my heart accepts the quiet truth:

I actually made it.

I’m really here, doing this, taking my life back after putting it off for far too long.

After what Simon did six years ago, my life changed completely. He destroyed something inside me, leaving me so afraid that I slowly retreated from the world. For years, I was sometimes too terrified to even step outside, and I kept putting off university because the thought of being around people again felt impossible.

I finished high school online instead, letting fear dictate where I went, who I saw, and how much of my life I was willing to live.

I thought I’d never be able to step back into the real world, but standing on my own two feet tonight proves he didn’t win, after all.

And for the first time in forever, I let myself breathe.