Turning Japanese

The door closed behind Jack with a soft clack. He looked around the assembled tables, looking for his wife. Brutus, his tiny chihuahua, was held in his arms, eyes darting from face to face in the busy bar. This was Jack's favourite place for lunch; it was not up to the usual class of the places he often went for dinner, but he and his wife enjoyed a more relaxed and social setting for lunch.

A man dressed in jeans and a T-shirt approached.

"Usual table, Jack. Your wife is waiting for you."

"Thanks, Terry. Food smells extra good today. Or maybe I'm just extra hungry," Jack replied as he made his way towards the back of the pub. As he passed the locals he smiled and made pleasantries but didn't slow.

Sitting at the table at the back of the room was a beautiful woman with auburn hair and a smile that would win any argument.

Jack made his way to the table and pulled out the spare chair. The sound of music became louder as he drew near. "Is anyone sat here?"

"Well, I was expecting someone tall, dark and handsome, but I guess you'll do," Helen teased.

"Sorry. All the tall, dark, handsome guys were taken," Jack replied with a smile. "Would such a gorgeous woman make do with me? I do have this guy with me," he said, holding out Brutus.

Stretching out her arms to take Brutus, Helen beamed. "Brutus! There's my handsome boy." Brutus jumped into her arms, tail wagging as he gave her a big doggy kiss before he settled down in her arms.

"Well, I guess before we order, I should put Brutus' song on." Jack laughed and headed to the jukebox nearby, inserted a coin, tapped a few numbers on the screen, and then headed back to the table and sat down.

After a few minutes the current song ended and then a few seconds of quiet came from the speaker. The hum of conversation was all around them, and then the intro for the song "Turning Japanese" began to blare from the speakers. Brutus instantly got to his feet, tail wagging furiously. Every now and again he would bark or howl in time with the music. Jack and Helen laughed, and looking around the room, Jack saw all the locals throwing smiles and laughs their way. All but one.

The waiter made his way to their table, late teens with a very grumpy expression on his face. "Are you ready?" he snapped.

"Do you mean ready to order? Yes," Jack replied cheerfully.

"Of course that's what I mean!" the young waiter growled before turning his attention to Brutus. "And can you keep that rat from barking and breaking the peace."

Brutus growled and showed his teeth.

Jack's eyes narrowed at the insult to Brutus. "Excuse me. This is a public place and dog-friendly. Says right there on the door, and all I see are smiles. No one but you is complaining."

"Well, my dad owns this place, so keep that thing quiet." And with that he turned and stormed off without taking their order.

"Well, that was rude," stated Helen. "Poor Brutus never causes any trouble."

"Yeah well, screw him," Jack said with a mischievous smile. "We'll eat somewhere else today. Somewhere nice. But not before we have the last word."

With that, Jack stood and walked to the bar.

The bar manager stood behind the bar, shaking his head.

"Something wrong, Terry?" Jack asked.

"Hmmm. That bloody kid. Walking around like he owns the place," stated Terry. "His father decided he should get some work experience, so now we all have to suffer."

Jack drew Terry in close. "What would you say if I told you I think I could get rid of him?"

Without hesitation Terry replied, "Then I'd say get to it and do us all a favour."

"Alright." Jack paused for a moment before continuing. "It may result in a few minor repairs afterwards, but I'll pay for those as long as you do me one favour."

"What's that?" asked Terry.

"Describe the look on his face when I'm in next," Jack smiled. Then he headed back to the table where Helen still sat.

"Right, my dear. We're going to teach that little git a lesson," Jack informed her. "I'll be back soon, then we'll go for lunch."

He leaned in and gave Helen a kiss before he turned and left the building.

Helen watched as he left, calm and relaxed. She had no idea what Jack was about to do, but she knew it would make a statement. Brutus gave her a happy kiss on the chin and she scratched behind his ears as she waited.

About twenty minutes passed before the door opened. Helen looked up to see Jack heading her way. He arrived at the table. "Okay honey. Just play it cool. Like there's nothing out of the ordinary."

Nodding with a smile, Helen first watched Jack head to the speakers and remove something from his pocket. She couldn't quite see what he was doing. She then watched him head to the jukebox and bend down to the plug. Again he took something from his pocket and applied it to the plug before standing up and inserting a note into the jukebox. He tapped on the screen a few times before he came back to the table.

"Okay honey. It's time to go." Then with a huge smile he added, "Though I'd love to be around for this."

"Maybe Terry will show us the CCTV footage." Helen said with a smirk. "You can tell me all about it at lunch though."

They pushed their chairs in and headed for the door. Jack saw the young waiter smiling. He thinks he's won, Jack thought with a smile.

Jack waved at Terry as they left and Terry gave him a thumbs-up. Jack returned a smile and a nod and then Jack, Helen and Brutus were gone.

For a few moments, everything was normal. The chatter continued, the jukebox played, and then the music cut off at the end of the song. Then the intro for "Turning Japanese" filled the speakers, louder than before.

"Errr, I told them not to play that," stormed the young waiter as he stormed over to the jukebox. He tapped on the screen but could not stop the song. Annoyance rose and his face began to redden. He bent down to the plug and tried to yank it out, but it would not budge. Nor would the on/off switch.

The waiter stood, clearly fuming, and headed to the speaker, only to find the same thing. On/off switch and volume control all stuck fast, as well as the plug. Jack had thought of everything. There was no escaping the song. He stormed back to the jukebox and stared at the screen. Twenty-five songs were all lined up, ready to play. The waiter’s face dropped as he read the screen. Each one was "Turning Japanese."

"No. No, this can't be happening," stormed the young waiter. Angry but defeated, he stomped straight up to Terry. "I'm going home. I can't take this crap."

Then he headed straight for the front door and pushed it violently open and let it slam behind him. He stood for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He'd been outwitted and outplayed — something he had never felt before. Just then, a car approached with a song blaring from the window. The sound grew louder as it neared until he could make out the song, a song that would haunt his dreams and made his face redden again. He clenched his fists as the car passed him, "Turning Japanese" blaring from the window, Helen laughing in the passenger seat, Jack waved casually and the tiny dog, Brutus, howling in time out of the window.