One - Tom
So Jen dumped me. People will say I deserved it. Maybe they’ll be right. I tried to put it in her arse and she freaked out. I honestly thought she’d like it. She always enjoyed a thumb in the backdoor, so you can’t blame me for trying, can you?
Too bad for me that Jen is a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of girl. I knew that when I met her. She has too many men interested in her to put up with any kind of friction from her current boyfriend. Anyway, it’s done now. I have to move on.
I don’t know what it is about anal that I find so fascinating. I mean, it’s the shithole, isn’t it? It’s dirty. I know real women aren’t like pornstars. Nobody’s arse is going to be very clean if they don’t have a lot of advance notice. Still, the idea of it really gets me going. Even if I do get a bit of brown on my dick, it’s not the end of the world. And it would be so worth it.
Christ, I’m getting hard now just thinking about ploughing a tight backdoor. And I’m not gay, all right? I only like women! But that’s what makes it so appealing. Women already have a hole, so when you put it up her arse, it’s kind of extra. Kind of wrong.
I just wish I could find someone who’d let me do it. I’m dying to know what it feels like. And I know it can be painful for some women, which is why it can be hard to find a chick who wants it back there. But there are some chicks who love it. Some women get off easier from anal than from regular sex, or so I’m told. Ask me again when I’ve done it!
Maybe I should sign up for one of those fetish apps. Does anal count as a fetish, or is it mainstream? I feel like, if I mention anal on my Tinder profile, that’s not going to get me many matches.
I remember years ago, my mate Gaz told me about a book he read on how to get laid with hypnosis. He was pretty cagey about whether it actually worked for him, but I’ve never known him to be without a woman for long. I never read it personally, but wouldn’t that be wild! If you can’t find a girl who likes it up the arse, just find any old girl and re-program her!
Hmm. I was actually hypnotised myself, not long ago. It was one of those stage shows at the student’s union. Like a pound shop version of Paul McKenna. I was an audience volunteer. I stood up on the stage and let the guy run his patter on me. The next thing I knew, I was getting a round of applause and the hypnotist was telling me to go back to my seat. I had no memory of anything, but then Jen showed me the video on her phone. I was up there singing like Ed Sheeran!
It’s got me thinking now. I would never have agreed to sing in front of an audience, and certainly not anything by that ginger, unless I’d been hypnotised first. So I know it can do amazing things. But is the power in what you do and say, or is it in who you are?
Fuck it. I have to try it. What’s the worst that could happen?
So I ring Gaz and ask him about the book. Does he still have it?
“I’m not giving it to you, mate,” he says. “You can’t be trusted with the power. You’ll probably try and take our Steph off me.”
“Give over,” I say. “I’m not interested in starting a war. I just want to see if I can meet someone new.”
“Good luck to you,” he says. “But I’m not helping you.”
So that’s that. Why’s Gaz so paranoid all of a sudden? He probably stole Steph off someone else. And he used hypnosis to do it, I’ll bet.
Well, there’s always the internet. And it’s easy enough to search for “How to hypnotise women into bed”. I actually find several free ebooks right away, and dozens more if I’m willing to spend a few quid. I decide to focus on the free ones for now.
