Sensational Soliciting

First of all, please please PLEASE listen to my content warning.

This book contains graphic depictions of rape, self harm, torture, incest, murder, etc., as well as containing themes of drug abuse, child [sexual] abuse, cannibalism, suicide, animal injury/murder, and so on.

And for the record, despite how utterly sexual this book is, it is not porn without plot, and actually every sex scene is symbolic of something. If you don’t like homosexuality then run along, though I must state that a friend of mine read quite far into this and told me that he enjoyed it because it’s so much more than something gay or sexual or whatever. Moreover, the characters are quite well-rounded, especially later on. If you consider this book too macabre/disturbing, that’s the point, I want to make you uncomfortable and expose you to something you dislike, because it’s important not to live in some bubble where you reject anything even mildly uncomfortable.

If you end up liking this book and wanting to read more, just leave a comment or message me on Discord at Lefty The Animatronic#6969 (no I’m not joking about the tag, and it is case sensitive so be careful). I recently released chapter 4 on here but I’m actually almost done with chapter 14, so what you see here aren’t the most relevant chapters, nor is the book on a hiatus of some sort. I intend for it to be around 30 chapters long, if not exactly 30.

This is long as fuck so get some popcorn or whatever. I might be missing something but I think I address everything, or at least the most important things I get asked about.

My style: I initially wrote very literal stories. They were simple, easy to read, and full of dialogue. However, I wanted to transition to a more metaphorical style. The beginning of Sensational Soliciting (abbreviated as SS) was evidence of me transitioning to such a style (it contains occasional metaphors, most of which aren’t very sophisticated, as I hadn’t perfected the art of metaphors at all... now my metaphors are a lot more complex, not to mention they come naturally to me so they don’t sound at all out of place). As SS progresses and becomes more fleshed out, it becomes more convoluted and difficult to read. This is intentional, of course--in fact, everything I write is very deliberate. If you think something doesn’t add up, just know that there’s an explanation for EVERYTHING. I transcribe entire chapters to regular English, too, so I genuinely have explanations to support everything.

My intention isn’t to write something simplistic and to spoon feed you easy writing. I’m sure you’re sick of that minimalistic, lazy shit, and so am I. Unless you’re minimalistic and lazy, too, I guess? SS is unique because it writes itself (you’re severely wrong if you think I plan ahead much), and while heavily laden with metaphors (at least in later chapters), these metaphors can have multiple interpretations, because I find that more enjoyable. I want to make the reader think, to challenge them, to allow them to experience something they’ve never experienced before. I want the reader to know me through my writing, to envision the world as I see it, through these complicated lenses.

SS is intended to mimic mental illness, specifically schizophrenia (which I have). It becomes more incomprehensible over time because mental illnesses are confusing and can make people go mad. The first chapters aren’t very good, nor are they extremely hard to read (believe it or not... yeah, I know you’re thinking about how you need a dictionary to understand what I’m going on about, but the whole point is that you DON’T need one and that I want you to be as lost as possible, like a little blind mouse). And man, I wrote those chapters when I was ~14, wtf do you want from me. The dialogue is poorly written and laughable at times in the beginning (though keep in mind SS is supposed to be a bit comedic), but I have significantly improved in that area. Anyway, I still need to edit those chapters, especially dialogue, as I mentioned, so they’re far from perfect. Just keep this in mind instead of automatically going “This isn’t my cup of tea” or even “This is pretentious shit.” I know the whole thing of reading a semi-normal chapter full of random difficult words here and there makes those words seem out of place and therefore unnecessary, but these words are just little fragments of what is to come (minor “symptoms” of a disorder before it becomes full-fledged, in other words). Later on it becomes impossible to understand what I’m saying, which is the whole point. Rereading my recent chapters, not even I know what’s going on unless I rely on my transcriptions and memory, which is saying something. I DO NOT expect you to understand my words, nor do I want you to consult a dictionary. The point isn’t for you to understand anything, it’s for you to feel LOST AND CONFUSED. But it’s not like SS is 100% incomprehensible--the dialogue is simple, not to mention it aids you if you have no clue what’s going on in a scene. It doesn’t always tell you what’s happening, but I do in fact leave many context clues. To read SS, you have to actually know how to read.

Here’s a little snippet of chapter 10, for comparison (and this is STILL not as hard to read as the latest chapters): “Sho drove at my behest, casting a molten oeillade upon my tantalus crusade. My papillon characteristic was rather a salmonella Cinderella, hyaline suede. The record player could not decrypt my canticle, cantabile blemished by pavonine carbine as the stylus ligatured lacuna. From forth antithesis bloomed a baritone brume, broom sweeping me into a papilloma of papistry. Perhaps his apoplexy was but a hidden track, cacology ebullient. The cotton candy cedilla was to be corraded. Our parish perished with his bated benedicite.”

I want my sentences to sound musical. I looooove rhetorical devices, as you can see. It’s kind of like how you can appreciate music from other languages despite not knowing what the lyrics are about. You don’t need to understand my lyrics, I just want you to enjoy the music.

So, enjoy yourself, or not.

The whole mental illness aspect was inspired by the album Everywhere At The End of Time, so check that out if you’d like.

If you find it hard to tell my characters apart because their names start with the letter S, just remember that Sho is a cuter name than Shenzo. Shenzo sounds like the name of an intimidating man... he grew into it.

Also, Sho is a lot worse than he seems in the beginning. I’ve had friends fangirl over him, and that’s understandable because I fangirl over him as well, but just know that he’s a terrible person (arguably even worse than Shenzo). In the beginning he may not seem too bad but just wait. Me, giving you a character to like and sympathize with? No. What does that mean for me, well, that I have problems. I know everything about him but I still love him, sigh. I simply don’t think SS has any likeable characters. I still love them, though, because I’m, you know, the author. Not only that but I put major parts of myself into all my characters and thus they’re all versions of me, so I hope you can still like certain aspects of them, otherwise that’s like rejecting me?

Writing is HEAVILY self-expression for me. I think reading my writing is the easiest way to get to know me, so I always appreciate it when someone reads it.

If you’re wondering about the contents (why I chose to include torture, cannibalism, pedophilia, etc.), it’s not controversy for the sake of controversy. I feel like people shy away from taboo stuff quite a bit, or they do not shy away from it but rather speak vehemently of it despite not knowing it well, but I want to share the reality of these things (and just some passing reminders): that such people do not enjoy being the way they are, though society acts like they do; that if they do not receive adequate empathy and care, they could go off the deep end (treating humans like humans can go a long way); that people can change (emotionally speaking), but that it can be hard to maintain changes; that people can be influenced or coerced into committing crimes (it probably happens more than you think); that moral compasses aren’t as set in stone as people believe; that untreated illnesses can make people do terrible things; that people will only continue to suffer if they make others suffer (suffering is reciprocal); and that everyone is capable of loving and being loved. I can go a lot more in depth about this (especially the pedophilia part) but you’re probably not that interested. In any case, it’s quite evident that I’m comfortable with “darkness” in humans and very open-minded in this regard. I hope you will treat SS with an open mind, as well.

Disclaimer: My intention isn’t to promote crimes or anything of a negative nature with this book, I just want to shine light on such matters and the possible consequences of certain actions, words, etc. Torture and murder scenes can be quite graphic but sexual scenes, especially those of an illegal nature, are harder to read, specifically later on, precisely for the intent of not being sexually gratifying for the reader. Scenes of child sexual abuse in particular are used as flashbacks, and if such scenes are at all graphic in nature it is to illustrate their trauma-inducing nature and how traumatic events can be vivid in one’s memory even years later. If such scenes are to be used in the present rather than as flashbacks in the future, they will be all the more abstract, and I will likely allude to them rather than expanding on them. I’m not trying to write child pornography here. Please do not read SS if the contents are triggering to you. Thank you.

Title meaning: The word soliciting in the title refers to something being given (to someone). It’s specifically about Sho giving Shenzo uh... suspicious materials. Sensational because Shenzo finds this exciting. I don’t know why but people are usually confused by the title and assume it’s about prostitution or something???

Pacing: Yes, everything is FAST. The first scene of the book is literally a rape scene, but if that doesn’t hook you I don’t know what will. I want everything to be quick because I’m an impatient person and I get easily bored, so I assume readers would be easily bored unless there’s constantly something going on. There are one or two chapters that are slower, but every chapter contains something significant, nonetheless. Even the sex scenes have significance… just ask about them, I can explain everything.

Police involvement: There is a lack of police involvement in SS because I want SS to fixate on the human psyche rather than external forces. Of course, there are man vs. man conflicts, but the POLICE don’t play a big role. Look at the manhwa Killing Stalking--in my opinion it was ruined by police involvement and would have been much more interesting without the police. It has been recommended to me to add the police but I will reject this because it would detract from my character interactions (there are police in chapter 4 but they hardly play a role). The two most unrealistic aspects of SS are probably Sho’s profession (how, despite being around 27 years old, he was a doctor and is now a criminal psychologist, as if both of those things wouldn’t take years and years of schooling... this is literally just plot convenience on my part, but also SS takes place in sort of a fictional universe so I think this detail is excusable) and Sho/Shenzo not being in fucking jail by now. But this isn’t your traditional crime novel--rather than being about some investigation it’s solely about the crimes themselves and the feelings/motives behind them. It’s about crimes being hidden. It should also be understood that Sho has a good reputation, and working as someone who deals with criminals (as a psychologist for them) he can get away with more, because who suspects that the criminal psychologist would be a criminal? (You can use Hannibal as a reference here... also, I think the relation between Will Graham and Hannibal is quite similar to that of Sho and Shenzo, only kind of flipped?) Also, since Shenzo works for Sho, he wouldn’t inherently be suspected of crimes, either.

Setting significance: This isn’t a real location, it’s a fictionalized Japan with elements of Western housing and such. Why specifically Japan, well, I think Japanese names sound nice. And because Shenzo (who I actually created when I was around 11 or 12 years old... he’s been around for a while) has red hair, I think a setting like America would be confusing, because people would think of actual redheads. No, my characters look like whole ass anime dudes. I feel like Japanese art is also more... indulgent in taboo stuff, so I think this setting is fitting, because Shenzo is very adamant on spreading the gospel of his degeneracy. Can you really blame him, though?

Dialogue: I write everything on the spot. Dialogue requires the least amount of planning for me. Of course, there is dialogue I write MONTHS in advance, but that isn’t because I’m afraid I won’t write it well or anything, it’s because I’m frankly addicted to dialogue and character interactions. The more dialogue I write, the more satisfied I feel. SS is supposed to be kind of ½ dialogue and ½ descriptions, though. If you want a MASSIVE amount of dialogue, read my finished story. Shenzo, Sho, and Sho’s brother, Ryo, are actually in it, but they’re not major characters (well, his brother plays an important part). It’s worth noting that while the descriptions in SS may be hard to read, the dialogue is in regular English, like moments of clarity in illness. Well, Shenzo likes being formal sometimes, so it may arguably not be “regular” English, but it’s nonetheless understandable.

Purpose: To both educate and entertain. There are some comedic scenes in SS, and overall I think it’s an enjoyable and unique read. I incorporate words from many fields (such as biology, zoology, music, economics, geography, trigonometry, astronomy, astrology, painting, sewing, overall art, psychology, sociology, etc.), so there is essentially something for everyone in SS, whether people realize it or not. I also provide many details of my own life, whether intimate or mundane (such as Shenzo’s physical problems). Certain scenes are directly inspired by conversations or conflicts I’ve had with someone, with the more “painful” parts of SS reflecting how I was feeling at the time of writing them. Things are essentially written in real time--or so I should say, but it takes months to write a single chapter, so I just remember the lingering feeling. Even the climax is intended to reflect my own life, to a degree. It’s kind of weird, because things I put in SS end up actually happening in my life. I’m cursed or something. Maybe I will write happier stories someday to manifest something better. ;; But I also am drawn to unusual (and even bad, arguably) people, so that’s my fault tbh. I do think some of them make for good friends, though.

References: Shenzo looks similar to Hayashida Kannosuke from Hadakeru Kaibutsu, and Sho looks similar to Kousuke Ohshiba from Hitorijime My Hero. Of course, they don’t 100% look alike, but those are the biggest look-alikes I have found. Hayashida’s personality is also quite similar to Shenzo’s.

Names: I don’t use honorifics in SS because not everyone understands honorifics and I guess I want SS to be more accessible in that sense? What I mean is you won’t see me use “-san,” for instance, but I still use things like Mr. and Ms., which would kind of be the English equivalent. Shenzo is NOT Shenzo’s last name, and while in Japan it is expected to use someone’s last name when addressing them, Shenzo does not share his last name with people because he dislikes its association (as explained somewhere in SS). However, Sho is referred to by his last name by coworkers; he isn’t referred to by his last name with Shenzo because they are on a first name basis (well, basically everyone is on a first name basis with Shenzo, though). Shenzo’s last name is revealed later on (I think in chapter 10 or something).

Depiction of characters: The characters are depicted in a negative light, and I know this may seem counterproductive in gaining support for certain types of people, but I wanted to show people at their most extreme, when they feel that society has completely failed them and rejected them. I’m not demonizing people, I’m showing what happens when OTHERS demonize them, if that makes sense (since these characters are based off of me in certain ways, I of course have no real ill will toward them). That is, that they aren’t inherently corrupt but can easily be corrupted. This becomes very evident with Shenzo later on, when he displays more care for others and is quite human, not some monstrous man. I want to show that people have the chance to do good things, to be well, to be nurturing and empathetic, but that this can easily be destroyed, that their efforts can go in vain and not be recognized. In essence, what I mean is that if people are treated as monsters then they think “Well, I might as well become one, because no one will ever see me differently anyway.” This is exactly the belief that I want my characters to embody. But they aren’t simply caricatures of bad people, they’re more than that (as you will see if you actually read far).

Depiction of mental illnesses: I put my mental illness experiences into Shenzo--of course, he doesn’t completely experience them the same way I do, but I nonetheless gave him OCD and schizophrenia (as well as some mood disorder--he might be schizoaffective, too) because I have both of those things. I’m not pulling stuff out of my ass in that regard. I have hallucinations, compulsions, delusions, etc., and I wanted him to be the same way. He also appears to have some sort of eating disorder (and I had one in the past, so again I’m projecting on to him), and who knows what Sho has. It’s undeniable that he is depressed, though. His alcoholism and such may seem like superficial topics in the beginning but I go into more detail about his addictions in the future. There is little reference to self harm in the first half or so of the book but it becomes a more pressing issue later on and is quite graphic as well.

Ideas: I have lots of ideas for SS, many, if not most of which, never go into effect. I write mountains of dialogue and scenes that never happen because I want everything to be perfect and think a lot of my ideas are just bad lol. I intended for Chinimi to be a certain way (like, just some pathetic woman with Stockholm syndrome I guess), but I don’t want her to be just another weak female character you see EVERYWHERE, I want her to actually have a personality and be an admirable woman (well, as admirable as any of my characters get I guess). It’s interesting to me to read plans I had for SS in the past and see how different they are from what actually happened (like, Shenzo was actually supposed to go to school as a child, and family abuse was to be discovered through a confession to his teacher or something, but instead I made it so that he never got to leave the house at all, thus explaining his generally weak social skills and how he has to pretend to fit in, because he has little real experience with society). This decision also further supports his dependency on Sho. Everything kind of comes together, I guess, through drastically changing ideas. I’m very spontaneous with what happens in SS. I’ll plan something for a while but when I actually get to that part of the story I’ll completely change what I planned to do. That’s why I say I hardly plan ahead--I do plan ahead, but my plans are crushed so often that SS is really like some untamed animal that does what it wants. It’s fun for me that way, because I have this mentality that if I can plan something then someone can predict what will happen, but if not even I know what will happen then how could they? I wouldn’t call SS a predictable work--of course, it’s not hard to predict that this person or that person will be killed, but it’s not the murders that are unpredictable but other things. Ultimately my characters do unpredictable things and I get ideas for their actions on the spot. Their emotions and who they are change so much throughout the story that by the end they’re very different than they were at the beginning, because a story with unchanging characters isn’t much of a story (unless you’re making a point that some people never change, which somewhat applies to SS, too, but the characters DO change in substantial ways). If you like crazy yandere characters then SS is the perfect work for you.

Accessibility: SS is not easy for non-native English speakers to read, nor is it easy for even native English speakers to read. I want everyone to be equally as confused. I actually use words from other languages at times, for the simple fact that people don’t know what the English ones mean, anyway, so why not use even more unknown words? I hate when regular books use non-English words in random places because they don’t really add anything to the writing and are genuinely unnecessary. Here I can get away with it because you can argue that basically any word I use is unnecessary, anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ People will always have something to complain about, in the end.

Grammar: I intentionally do not use correct grammar at all times. I turn verbs into adjectives, adjectives into nouns, etc. I don’t like to feel limited by languages. You will also notice that if I use a word from another language it tends to not be conjugated correctly, which is also intentional on my part. Writing would be boring if we all had to adhere to the conventions of languages--of course, that’s the general rule (to adhere to them, that is), but this is my book so I’ll do whatever I want to it. As the writer, I’m free. People are very nitpicky with things like that, but all I can say to that is... be less uptight? Live a little? Expand your horizons? I don’t know.

I’m not inspired by much apart from my own life. Don’t take that too literally, though... SS is still ultimately a fictional story, but some things are true. You can guess which things.

...If you do not use the oxford comma, don’t talk to me, btw. Just kidding, but I’m judging you.

I use ... too much, clearly.

If you want to read chapter transcriptions, just ask. I love providing them; it’s fun to read my thought process and the meaning behind lines or the significance of everything. I hope you can see how much I love SS and how much work I put into it, because nothing is meaningless in it. All the seemingly gibberish phrases mean something. I hope you will like Sho and Shenzo to the best of your ability, as well.

If you’ve read this entire thing then congratulations, truly. Er, have a cookie? That sounds so 5th grade of me lmao. It’s 3:45 AM, I should go to sleep....