A Changing Man

Part One

Chapter One

He drove his much beloved Jaguar XJ into his gravel driveway and as he turned off the car he looked up to see his wife busy in the kitchen family room. It was apparent to him that she was singing away dancing with an inhibited freedom of thinking that she was not being observed. Her face was illuminated by her lovely smile. Her smile was one of the main characteristics that made him completely fall in love with her, it emanated from her eyes. Whilst watching her, singing, dancing, chatting with their child Mick she was equally focused and busy preparing the evening meal Tom started thinking about how wonderful Jane his wife was, she was intelligent, very caring, loving, and funny though wonderfully insecure. The truth was she did not realise how beautiful and sexy she was but that added to his total love for her. There was that dependence on him which he loved and ably filled.

He was suddenly awoken from his reverie when his son rapped on the driver’s window shouting “Dad I need you to help me with my homework and I also want to start my geography project!”.

With his son, Mick dragging him into the house Jane shouted out “how was your day? Following a hug and kiss, it never seemed to amaze him how Jane’s scent and the feel of her body always hit him, he started telling her about his day. It had been one where he had had an important meeting with their most important client which had been a success. Whilst Jane listened she went into her own reflection she always liked listening to Tom, admiring his assuredness and clearness in his work, where he wanted the organisation to go and he was well on his way to achieving this. Actually, it was this strength and direction, which rolled over into his personal life, which attracted her so much. She felt not only loved and cherished but also completely secure in the knowledge she could depend on Tom. If she was honest, though being a strong person, she loved this dependency and feeling ‘safe’.

Jane knew that she looked after the house and everything that entailed whilst Tom looked after the finances and in general the bigger decisions such as which car or house to buy, where they would spend their holidays.

Later that evening in bed Jane discussed an issue she was having. Tom wrapped her in his arms and reassured her not to worry as he had already sorted it out. “I am sorry I forgot to tell you that I did it at work this morning. I was going to call you but we were called into a meeting which went on far longer than expected, and by the time it was done I had forgot all about it” Tom explained. With that Jane snuggled even further into Tom’s embrace immediately feeling better, he had that effect on her. Bliss!

Tom as always was happy to see the tension fade from Jane’s face and upon Jane moving her body closer into his he once again felt that magical feeling that it always gave him, even after the 10 years since they first met. Bliss!

Just before they fell asleep entwined together Tom reminded Jane that they had dinner that Friday with their oldest friends.

The following morning was more of a rush than normal as Tom was flying to Paris on a 2-day business trip. He never particularly liked being away from home however this time was more difficult as they had a builder doing some work on the house which he was managing. For the next couple of days Jane would have to do this and it was not something she felt confident about.

Anyway, as normal she got Mick ready for school, Tom and her breakfast with the usual calm and smiley self.

As he kissed them all goodbye Tom said that he would call Jane on his arrival at Orly and later when at the hotel. Jane was not looking forward to the next couple of days as she hated checking on the builder, she always felt that they treated her and women in general as second class human beings. They talked down to women knowing that in general women both did not know much about building works and also did not like confrontation. However, she knew she must talk with the builder and tell them and tell them what to do, and if necessary she could call Tom.

Tom had already decided that he would call the builder a few times during today and tomorrow and also tell him that if there were any problems or decisions to be made to call Tom, as he knew Jane did not like dealing with that type of thing.

The day did not start very well as the traffic was a nightmare and Mick just made school on time and this was followed by the dry cleaning, Tom’s suits, were not ready as promised. Jane then needed to rush back to let the builder in a task normally done by Tom. She could already feel her stress level rising. She wanted Tom close by, at least in the same country!

Jane decided that after letting the builder in she would go out for a coffee and early lunch with Mary a recently made friend, a mum of one of Mick’s school mates.

They met in a quaint quintessentially English coffee cum tearoom renowned for its homemade organic dishes where you chose what you fancied and paid by weight. Jane always chose a variety of salads, chicken, and salmon with sparkling water. Though she felt a bit stressed as she always did without Tom she really fancied some white wine. But she decided that she better not! Mary had ‘her usual’ bacon and avocado quiche Lorraine.

The conversation soon moved onto the subject of men and in particular husbands.

As usual Jane commented on how much she relied and depended on Tom and questioned why she felt so ‘exposed and vulnerable’ when he was away. “I am a strong capable and educated woman I should not be so pathetic” said Jane feeling somewhat ashamed of herself. “Crickey, you are one of the most independent woman I know” Mary exclaimed being surprised by Jane’s admission.

“You are lucky Tom is not a lot older than you, Geoff is 16 years older than me and I feel more like a mother than a wife these days, I have to do everything”. Mary sounded a mixture of sadness, frustration, and resignation. “When I first met him he was like Superman, everything was easy for him, not now, sometimes it is just easier not to expect him to do it and just do it myself”.

Jane asked, “How do you accept him, respect him, with the relationship being so different”?

“I love Geoff more than ever but it is a different love” Mary said quite simply and with complete honesty. “I think it is hard for men these days as so much is expected of them in the working environment and with the media extolling the need and equal merits of women. That is not to say women do not have a difficult place in life however there seems to be much greater outlets for women. Women are also more comfortable taking about these issues and their problems than men” Mary continued. “We, that is women, talk about their husbands, their sex lives and other problems going on in their lives, men do not ever or hardly ever talk about their sex lives or even problems there are experiencing, they just talk about sport and sometimes the ‘idiots’ that they work with. It is so much more at a superficial level” Jane smiled and looking at Mary she joked “You got onto your soap box, it is one of the main reasons why I love your company so much”.

“Yes, I did get a little carried away, I apologise” Mary responded giggling like a little school girl.

Jane wondered if she would or could feel the same as Mary though she could not imagine Tom ever being dependent on her rather than the reverse situation that was the case in their relationship.

Just then Jane’s cell phone went, it was Tom phoning to let her know that he had landed at Orly and to also to tell her not to worry about the builder as he had told him to call him if there were any decisions to be made, Tom would also check on the builder by phone a few times both days. Jane instantly felt relieved and a smile involuntarily came across her face, Tom was so thoughtful, considerate though she realised that it was also part of his nature to manage and ‘own’ everything. His phone call had had the same affect as when he wrapped her into his body, bliss!

A moment later the WhatsApp ping went off on her phone startling Jane, it was Tom again saying not to worry if she got a call about her gym subscription he had just paid it for the next year. Again, he exuded confidence and a desire to manage almost to a point of dominance. Jane could easily understand why her husband was so successful at work. Tom seemed to sense what was required, appreciated what businesses required and understand how to get the best out of his relationships with his peers and bosses along with his staff who reported into him. It was Tom’s clarity of thought that was the distinctive strength.

Mary returned from paying for their meals, it was her turn, asked “Jane do you have time to come and help me buy an outfit for a company dinner my husband’s dragging me to”?

Later that afternoon Mick asked his mum “When can I call dad as I need his help on my homework”? “It is an hour later in Paris so give it until 6.00pm here” Jane replied. “Why do not you go and play until then”. Mick did not need a second invitation and ran out into the garden to kick a ball around. Jane took the opportunity to read an article on ‘Deforestation in Africa and its Impact on the Wildlife’. Tom had got her interested in the terrible impact that humans were having on the world. It was one of the contradictions in Tom’s character that though he, especially in the workplace, believed without a shadow of doubt that organisations could always improve and that profits were all important he possessed a melancholy streak, in this case the almost inevitable human destruction of the world. This side of Tom displayed itself in his choice of music, a particular favourite being Elvis’s ballads and Leonard Cohen.

It soon came around to 6.00 so Mick called his dad who answered on the first ring. “Hi dad how you are doing, made some big deal and loads of money”?

“Yes, today’s been a good day for the company and personally for me” Tom answered. Mick could sense in his father’s voice the buzz and pride his dad got from doing his job. “Anyhow enough about me, what homework do you want my help with”?

“Math’s” Mick said and started describing the first sum he had. Tom interrupted him and told Mick to email him the page as it would be easier for him to explain how to approach answering questions and the best process to solve them if he had them in front of him. Mick’s maths exercises were quadratic equations which fortunately for Tom was a form of maths that he particularly enjoyed and was good at. For the next half hour or so Tom and Mick worked on Mick’s homework which seemed to go well as there were no arguments, in fact they must have been enjoying themselves as Mick was laughing most of the time!

Once they had finished Tom asked Mick to get Jane as he wanted to have a chat with her. Jane and Tom had a long chat which due to the content of some of the conversation Jane took herself off to their bedroom so that Mick would not over hear her side of the conversation. She always loved both the solitude and the comfort that she felt when she was there. Even when Tom was not there she felt his reassuring presence. She loved to hear his voice, it was reassuring, comforting as well as a purveying a sense of control, power even, she really loved the way Tom made her feel!

After a few minutes of small talk about each of their days and how they were looking forward to seeing each other the following evening, Tom suddenly changed the subject surprising Jane by telling her that he had booked a long weekend away for her and Tom in Rome. He had already arranged for Jane’s parents to have Mick. It was one of the cities Jane most wanted to visit, Tom had also only briefly visited Rome for work, so she was very excited and much of the stress she had been feeling quickly faded away. Though when she tried to understand why she felt stressed she could not really put a finger on it. Jane certainly could not put her feelings of stress into words! The truth was that she had a great life so she did not have a cause to feel that way. Her only plausible rationale that she could think of was that it was a combination of the disruption of the builder, Tom being away which she never liked and also a lingering feeling of disappointment in herself that she was so reliant on Tom. She felt it was like she lacked a sense of her own true identity, she had no core being or self-worth over and above looking after her husband, her son and the house. She knew though that doing this successfully was important the fact that was so reliant on Tom for emotional support and direction on all the other key living life issues she felt inadequate. She had never felt like this before though over the last few months it seemed to be festering like a fire trying to relight the dying embers of a bonfire as a sudden thought would blow like a gust of wind and the rekindle the flames. “When are we going?” Jane asked beginning to think of the sights she wanted to see, and also savouring the food, how she loved Italian food. “In a few weeks’ time” Tom promptly answered. Tom broke her train of thought by reciting a list of sights he had arranged to visit and a couple of restaurants he had made bookings for their evening meals.

With the trip in mind Tom and Jane ‘hugged, kissed’ each other and said that they could not wait to be together tomorrow evening.