Not All Of Me Came Back

It was well past midnight.

The house had nearly fallen quiet. The refrigerator hummed steadily in the kitchen, and every few minutes the heating pipes gave a brief, hollow knock. There was no sound from Lily’s room. Her door was closed, and the hallway light was off.

Daniel was awake.

He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Emma was asleep with her back to him, one hand tucked beneath her pillow, her hair fallen across her face. The blanket came up to her shoulders, rising slightly with each breath.

Daniel closed his eyes.

He heard a tram.

At first, it was far away—the sound of wheels rolling along the tracks, followed by the short bell it gave before a stop. Daniel kept his eyes closed.

The sound drew closer.

The tram stopped. Its doors opened, and a few people stepped out, their footsteps scattering across the sidewalk.

Daniel knew the street.

It was a narrow street that began at the square and, after a few turns, reached the park. There was a bakery on the corner and, across from it, a small bookstore with a wooden sign. A few other shops lined the street, most of them closing earlier than the rest. Daniel knew which windows were still lit at this hour and which shopkeepers were still behind their counters.

The tram started moving again.

Daniel walked along the street. He knew the way without having to think about it.

He passed the bakery. Its lights were still on, spilling onto the sidewalk. A man stood behind the counter, arranging something on a shelf.

Daniel looked through the bookstore window at the rows of books.

There was a book with a green cover on the third shelf. He had decided several times that he would read it, but he never had. Every time he passed, it was still there.

Just as it should be.

A few steps farther, the square opened up.

The fountain in the center was turned off. The benches were empty, and a light wind pushed dry leaves across the paving stones. The old newspaper seller stood beside one of the benches, a stack of newspapers tucked beneath his arm.

As Daniel passed, the old man looked up.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Daniel kept walking.

It was always the same. The old man said it, and Daniel gave the same answer. He never got tired of it.

At the far end of the square, the café was still open.

Through the window, he could see a man sitting near the glass, reading a newspaper. His coffee sat beside him. Behind the counter, the woman was drying cups one by one.

Daniel went inside.

A small bell rang above the door.

The woman looked up.

“Coffee?”

Daniel nodded.

He went to his usual table and sat down.

The café wasn’t crowded. Soft music played from a speaker above the counter. The rustle of a newspaper, the tap of a spoon against a cup, the opening and closing of the door—all of it blended together before settling back into quiet.

The woman brought his coffee and set it in front of him.

Daniel thanked her and picked up the cup.

The coffee was always just right.

He stayed there for a few minutes.

No one needed anything from him. There was no unfinished work, no one waiting for an answer, no decision he had to make.

Then he thought of Emma.

His eyes opened.

The bedroom was dark. Emma was still asleep.

Daniel didn’t look at the clock. He stared at the ceiling for a moment.

Then Emma moved.

She opened her eyes.

“Still awake?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Can’t sleep.”

Emma shifted onto her back.

“Are you taking Lily to school tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“You remember what time she needs to be there?”

“Yeah.”

Emma said nothing.

A few seconds later, she placed her hand on the mattress and moved closer to him until her shoulder touched his arm.

Daniel shifted away.

The movement was so slight that he barely noticed he had done it.

But Emma did.

She pulled her hand back.

“Are you upset?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

Daniel looked at the ceiling.

“Nothing.”

Emma waited a few seconds.

“You’ve had a lot of those nothings lately.”

Daniel turned toward her.

In the dark, her eyes were the only part of her face he could make out.

“I’m tired.”

Emma gave him a brief smile.

“So am I.”

She pulled the blanket over her shoulder and turned away from him.

Daniel watched her for a while.

He wanted to say something. He didn’t know what.

He closed his eyes.

The street came back.

This time, he was standing beside the square.

Daniel started walking.

Everything was still there: the bakery, the bookstore, the benches, the trees around the square. The café was still open. He passed it.

The old newspaper seller stood beside the bench.

“Good night.”

Daniel stopped.

The old man took a newspaper from beneath his arm and handed it to him.

Daniel took it.

“Thanks.”

The old man smiled and turned his attention back to the street.

Daniel walked a few steps away, then looked down at the newspaper.

He opened the front page.

There was nothing there he needed to read. Just a few headlines and a photograph that looked vaguely familiar.

He folded the paper again.

When he looked up, he noticed the third-floor window of the building across the square.

The light was on.

Daniel stopped.

He looked at the window for a few seconds.

The curtain was gray, the same curtain that had always been there. A narrow flowerpot sat beside the glass.

But the light was on.

Daniel was sure it was usually dark.

Not that it had never been lit. He simply couldn’t remember the last time he had seen it on.

He looked away and started walking again.

A few steps later, he turned back.

The window was still lit.

Daniel gave a faint smile.

Maybe it had been on before. Maybe he had simply never noticed.

He kept walking.

At the far end of the square, he heard the tram.

Daniel turned.

The tram came into the square from the side street and passed in front of him. The lights inside the cars were on, and people sat behind the glass.

One of them had his head resting against the window.

Daniel didn’t recognize him.

The tram disappeared down the street.

Daniel stood there for a few moments.

Then he heard another sound.

Not the tram.

Emma’s voice.

Very far away, as if she were calling from another room.

“Daniel?”

His eyes opened.

The bedroom was dark.

Emma was asleep.

Daniel looked at her.

He waited for a moment, then closed his eyes again.

But this time, the street did not come back right away.

For the first time, he had to find it himself.