Beauty and the Pumpkin

I had fifteen days till Halloween.

It felt so close but still so far away. I loved Halloween and every pumpkin spiced cliche it brought with it. Fall was the best season of the year too, so I went to the pumpkin patch to decorate my yard.

The sun was setting and families were laughing and drinking cider, like a regular Hallmark scene as I walked through the rows of pumpkins. I walked to the one near the back but still centered when I came to a stop.

The pumpkin at my feet was probably the most perfectly ugly pumpkin I’d ever seen in real life. It had green cancer-like bumps all over the orange surface in all shapes and the stem was long, yellow and curly. The pumpkin itself had defined lines along the curves of it. If it wasn’t for the green bumps covering it; it would have been picturesque. I smiled and hauled it back to the front of the cute little setup to purchase it.

When I made it home, I set the pumpkin in the kitchen so I could carve it the next morning and decided to watch a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. After making hot apple cider, I cozied into the couch, wrapped up in my favorite snuggie and started the movie. I wound up watching the back of my eyelids more than the movie itself and before I knew it I was out faster than a candle in the wind.

A loud thump woke me from a dead sleep, not sure where it was coming from, I laid there for a few seconds to see if it happened again. The television was still playing quietly across the room and the only light came from the screen and the small lamp I’d forgotten to turn off before falling asleep. I stayed completely still under my Snuggie, listening for every little sound that suddenly seemed suspicious.

A few seconds passed before another noise came from the kitchen, this time sounding like something had been knocked against one of the cabinets. My eyes snapped toward the doorway and I slowly sat up, peeking over the back of the couch with my eyes wide in fear. I reached for my phone on the coffee table and checked the time. It was a little after two in the morning and there was no freaking way something could have moved on its own, I didn’t even own a pet.

For a brief second I considered calling the cops, but if it was nothing then I would look like the girl who cried wolf. I decided to at least make sure my cider mug hadn’t somehow fallen off the counter before I embarrassed myself.

I slipped off the couch and grabbed the closest thing I could use as a weapon, which happened to be a wooden Halloween sign I had bought three years ago that read HOCUS POCUS, I NEED COFFEE TO FOCUS. It wasn’t exactly intimidating, but it was solid enough that I figured it could do some damage if I swung hard enough.

Holding it against my chest, I made my way toward the kitchen, walking carefully so the floorboards wouldn’t creak under my weight.

I noticed the pumpkin was gone from the table, the dirt I was too lazy to clean off was still there around where it was, but it was shuffled from the pumpkin being moved.

Before I could figure out how something that weighed almost as much as a small child had vanished from my kitchen, movement near the island caught my attention. I tightened both hands around the wooden sign and stepped farther into the room, lifting the sign quietly high over my head.

A man slowly rose to his feet and the second he stood all the way up, I screamed in horror and dropped the sign to the floor. I stumbled backward so fast that I nearly tripped over my own feet, throwing both hands over my face when I realized he was completely naked.

“Oh my God! What the hell are you doing in my house?” My voice shook as much as my hands did.

My heart was pounding so hard that I could barely think. I kept my hands over my eyes while trying to figure out whether I should run for the front door, grab my phone, or pick the sign back up and start swinging. “Why are you naked? Who are you? How did you even get in here?”

“I do not know.”

That made me pull my hands away just enough to look at him, although I regretted it when I realized he had made no attempt to cover himself. “What do you mean you don’t know? You’re standing naked in my kitchen. You had to get in here somehow.”

He looked around the room with the same confusion I was feeling, like none of it made any sense to him. His golden hair fell around his face in loose waves and stopped just at the top of his shoulders. The rest of him looked like someone had carved the attractive man out of marble.

Under any other circumstances I probably would have appreciated the view of his huge penis and perfectly outlined muscles, but right now I was too busy trying to decide whether I was about to be murdered.

“Can you please cover yourself?” I asked, dragging my eyes back up to his face.

His brows pulled together before he looked down at himself, almost like he had only just realized he was naked. “With what?”

“I don’t know. Anything.” I glanced around the kitchen and spotted the dish towel hanging from the oven handle just as he reached for it. “Not that. I use that on my dishes.”

He stopped with his hand halfway there and looked back at me, which would have been funny if I wasn’t still trying to process the situation. I bent down quickly and grabbed the wooden sign from the floor, holding it in front of me again while keeping my eyes on his face. “Stay right there and don’t move.”

Disappearing into the living room, I grabbed the throw blanket off the back of the couch and hurried back to the kitchen. I tossed it toward him from the doorway and he caught it, held it up frowning at the witches and ghosts on it.

I motioned toward his waist with my finger. “Wrap that thing around yourself before I have a heart attack.”

He did as I asked, pulling the blanket around his waist and holding it there while I finally let out a breath. I was still trying to figure out what to do with the naked stranger who had somehow appeared inside my house when I remembered that my pumpkin was gone.

I glanced back to the empty spot and ran my eyes over the floor underneath the table, but it wasn’t there. I noticed some dirt on the floor, leading to where he stood when I noticed the stem sitting near the man’s bare foot.

My eyes moved from the stem to the empty table before slowly returning to him. “Where is my pumpkin?”

He dropped his eyes to the floor where mine were focused, and bent down and picked it up.

Turning it between his fingers for a few seconds before looking at me again, he smiled widely, pleased with himself. “I am the pumpkin—was the pumpkin.”

“Excuse me?” I stared at him like he was stupid, I knew I did. But whether he understood why was another thing entirely. “You were my pumpkin?”

“Yes.”

“I’m calling the cops.” I turned and walked to the living room, grabbing my phone.

His attention moved toward the empty place on the table before following me. “It was where I waited.”

I frowned at him, trying to decide if he was insane or if I had somehow fallen asleep harder than I thought. “You waited where?”

“In the form you found me.”

I looked at the stem in his hand and then back at the empty table as the most ridiculous thought I had ever had in my life started forming in my head. “You’re trying to tell me that you were my pumpkin?”

He looked at me like there was nothing ridiculous about that question at all. “Yes.”

I stared at him for a long second before tightening my grip on the sign again. “Yeah, I’m calling the cops.”

What would your reaction be to something like this?