Caged Bird

I have never made good sound decisions when it came to then men I pursued as lovers. I mean to prove my point; i lost my virginity to my best friend’s dad

I want to preface by saying that at the time, I had not known that I could achieve seducing an older man. Like is drawn to like, and what likeness did a 17-year-old girl have to a 40-year-old grown man?

He had confidence, wisdom through life experience; he knew what he wanted as he had spent so much years of not knowing

All I had was audacity, and a ravenous hunger for what seemed unattainable to me, so I took a chance, not knowing that if I succeeded in this it would plant a seed of a lifelong hunger to always want things that seem out of reach

Adults have this certainty about themselves; it is as if the more years they have spent alive, the more time they had grown into their un-subdued and authentic selves

I always found that when parents fought it was because each parent truly believed they were not in the wrong, hence the reason for fighting in the first place. In addition to just the disagreeing on a matter, both parties are normally so convinced of themselves, that the fact that someone else does not support or share the same beliefs as them infuriates them.

It infuriates them that the opposing party could think anything else but what they believe

Whereas a kid, whether you are wrong or right your first instinct is to believe that you are in the wrong

I have always admired this sense of un-doubtless conviction in people, even from a young age I craved it, practically salivated with the desire of wanting it

Because at the time; my young adolescent mind had convinced itself that that was confidence, and when you are so polluted and burdened by insecurities all you crave is that validation that confidence can give you

This is the reason, at least the reason I had convinced myself as to why I had done what I done with Mr Huey.

I met Greta in 7th grade gym class when I was making my way to the locker room intending to stow myself away therein until the period was over. I hated gym period and I especially hated our school gym outfit that consisted of tiny navy blue shorts and a grey t-shirt.

Even at 12 years old, I was very self-conscious of my body and how my legs were not as long, my thighs not as slim, and my upper arms seemed meatier than many of the other girls

I hated my body and was always trying to hide my body in some way or another

And there Greta was in the locker room sitting on a bench drawing in a sketchbook, upon my arrival into the room she lifted her eyes to meet mine, but then resumed running her pencil across the paper in certain deft strokes, seemingly completely unbothered by me

This intrigued me, it was as if she did not care about me, and did not think that I was a threat to her and the possibility of her being sent to the headmaster’s office because of me potentially telling on her

I decided Greta was cool

So I introduced myself

5 years later, we were still friends

I’ll be honest, Greta was not what I had initially expected her to be, I thought she’d be cooler, smarter, bolder, but instead what I thought I recognized as boldness in her, was sadness

It was easy to identify this sadness, as I was just as sad as Greta

I did not like this; because it cemented the fact that I was broken, therefore I had been drawn to her.

Like is drawn to like

Greta had household problems, -just like I had. She had issues, - just like I had. They differed in substance of course, but they were present nonetheless.

One of the causes of Greta’s sadness was her parent’s inevitable dissolution of their marriage. They eventually did get divorced when Greta’s mom finally called it quits after she caught Greta’s father screwing the neighbor who was at least a decade younger than him.

Of course, I was always compassionate towards Greta and her hardships as any normal friend would be, but after finding out the reason as to why Greta’s mom could not endure her marriage anymore, certain thoughts had begun to plague my mind

Her father liked young girls

And I wanted to know how young did that really mean

Subconsciously I started wearing outfit’s to Greta’s house that I knew I looked hot in, based off the fact that when I wore those designated items I saw the way my boyfriend’s eyes drank me in.

Male validation had instilled this insatiable hunger in me to seek out more complex male validation

Attention is just as addictive as any intoxicating substance

I wore my skimpy outfits religiously, flaunting everything I had to flaunt, figuring if Greta’s dad was enticed by a younger woman’s body, I thought if I flaunted enough of my body he’d be enticed by yet another younger woman’s body

This attempt an enticement went on for two years, and I did not even get so much as a look from Mr Huey. Meanwhile I was always sneaking looks at him hoping to find him staring at me, or looking in my direction. Yet he never did. In fact, sometimes he caught me looking at him by which he would acknowledge to by giving me a small smile, and I would look away embarrassed.

Still, I persisted, as I was relentless in my attempts to get him to notice me

Then one day he did

It was Greta’s birthday; there were quite a few people at her house that day, including a few friends from school and her family. There were enough people in her house that day, for Greta to not notice my absence

I had gone inside to charge my phone, the nearest plug point was in the living room above the fireplace, and I waltzed in and plugged in my charger, waiting for my phone to light up indicating that it was charging when I spun around and saw Mr. Huey sitting on the couch behind me nursing an alcoholic drink

I yelped, nearly dropping my phone on the ground, I was startled as I hadn’t seen him, my hand flew to my chest to control my rapid heartbeats

‘’Sorry, you scared me’’ I said to Mr Huey laughing nervously.

He looked up and smiled at me before bringing up his drink to his lips again

I made a move to leave the room when I saw it; a quick dart of his eyes from his drink to me, and I drew a quick breath

I had his attention

I decided not to leave the room; instead, I took a seat on the sofa

Mr Huey was tipsy, I could tell by his posture and how he did not seem as rigid and tense as normal. his legs were spread wide apart on the sofa, taking up more space than need be

I swear in that moment I was not thinking of having sex with him, up till then I had just wanted to know if he thought I was attractive

Now that I had proved that he did in fact find me attractive, I wanted to know just how attractive he thought I was. The end goal had shifted, my ambition grew greedy for more after achieving what I had set out to do, as all things in life that we hunger for, the moment we taste it, the flavor no longer seems exotic.

The sofa that Mr Huey was sitting on faced the fireplace and the TV that was mounted above it. Mr Huey was watching a football game. So I sat there and pretended to be fascinated by people running after a ball, making sure that the way I sat gave Mr. Huey’s eyes full access to me.

I do not know how long I sat there, but the moment I felt his eyes roam across my body; I was on a high that I never wanted to come down from

Mr Huey cleared his throat, breaking me out of my trance

‘’Where’s Greta?’’ he asked. Mr Huey had this kind of voice that was scratchy and deep, from smoking too much cigarettes and too much alcohol

At that moment his voice sounded like honey to me

I turned to look at him, was it necessary to look at him? no, but I turned nonetheless licking my lips as I did this. I read somewhere that having any moisture on your lips made men fantasize about how wet your other set of lips were

‘’She’s outside with her friends’’ I answered, excluding myself from Greta’s friends for this purpose only

There was a beat of silence

‘’Shouldn’t you be outside with her?’’ he asked, and although Mr Huey was asking me a question that anyone would have taken as a sign to leave, I probably would have left too, but the way he delivered that question was as if he were daring me not to

So I stayed glued on that couch

‘’I’m just taking a little break from mingling’’ I responded feigning nonchalance, my heart hammering in my ears, I wondered if he could tell that I was just spewing nonsense out of my mouth, hoping that I sounded mature

If he did notice it, he did not say anything; he just continued to sip on his drink

i crossed my legs nervously, only then had reality sunk in of what I was doing

I was trying to seduce a man who was old enough to be my father, I was well out of my depth here, but I couldn’t just admit defeat and walk off

The act of crossing my legs seemed to excite Mr Huey

I noticed this, so naturally I uncrossed it and, then re-crossed them slowly tucking my hands in-between my thighs for extra measure

I noticed every flicker of his eye, and drank it up

Another deafening silence

‘’Greta says you have a boyfriend now’’ he says taking a sip from his drink

She told her dad that?

I smile coyly, not taking my eyes off the screen ‘’yeah’’ I admit

‘’and everything’s good with him? You’re happy and satisfied’’

Alarms should have been going off in my head right then, but they weren’t, Mr Huey’s question was an invitation, one I accepted graciously

Satisfied

I was happy with Connor, happy as any girl could be with a high school boyfriend, but right now, I was not thinking of Connor or the degree of my happiness with him

I was thinking of Mr Huey

‘’I guess so’’ I responded, lacing my voice with as much uncertainty as I could, basically tangling bait in front of Mr Huey

He took it, no hesitation

‘’You know what Ava, I’m going to tell you something important-‘’ he began, shifting so that he was facing me, which also reduced the space between us

I followed in suit, turning to him to give him a better view

‘’it’s important as a female to know what you want, because at that age boys don’t. I would know as i was that age once, so you need to make sure that you educate yourself well -’’ I heard the words leave his mouth, but I was too distracted to focus on his words and what he was saying, because he had begun patting my leg, every touch searing my skin

Until his hand stopped its patting motion altogether, and he just rested his hand there

At that moment, my brain thought it was a good time to think of Connor, of how long it had taken him to even touch me, and when he eventually did it was because I practically put his hands there. Connor never touched me just out of his own free will, it was as if he were too nervous to do it , without me practically spelling it out for him that he could

Where is the fun in being touched if you have to ask for it?

Mr Antonio Huey had the confidence in himself to put his hand on me

I’d be a liar if I said this realization didn’t excite me

‘’how would I educate myself?’’ I ask, looking away from him as if embarrassed by the words that had left my mouth. I am not oblivious; I was playing the part, the part I thought he wanted me to play. I am also aware that this whole interaction could read as a bad porn scene

Mr Huey sighs, as if he does not want to. But I know he does, because if he didn’t he wouldn’t still be sitting here

‘’I could help you out of course –‘’ he trails off, and I’m hanging onto every word ‘’but that is only if you want’’ he finishes, his eyes practically boring into my soul

I know Greta is in the backyard, it’s her birthday for Christ’s sake, but at that moment I do not care I’m intoxicated by this man who is so unashamed of wanting a girl who he can go to prison for doing anything with

I knew the severity of the situation, yet I still moved willingly

The sequence of events that followed after I wasn’t entirely sure of the order, I just remember him slipping his hand between my thighs and me letting out a sound of encouragement

And the sound had the desired effect because Mr Huey was more than encouraged and I could practically see the lust in his eyes

This man wanted to fuck me

He moved his hand slowly up my thigh, closer to my core, and even though Mr Huey had been the one drinking; I felt intoxicated ‘’Does your boyfriend know how to touch you properly the way you like?’’

I shake my head fervently

‘’mmhmm?’’ he asks

He wants me to answer in words

‘’no‘’ I say breathlessly

Satisfied He leans over; I can smell the alcohol on his breath

‘’does he know how to lick your cunt?’’ he whispers into my ear

I inhale a sharp breath; I was not used to people using such profanities around me

After that, It did not take long for him to take me to his room, where he instructed me to lay down so that he could pull down my jeans and panties, me lifting my hips to help him remove the articles of clothing

There was a moment where I was just lying there on his bed completely bared to him, and he was just looking down at me, eyes fixated on my opening

Mr Huey came closer and spread my legs apart, granting himself a better view

He ran a finger slowly down my slit, collecting moisture as he did that, before seeming satisfied with my body’s indication as to how much I wanted him. He knelt on the bed in front of my pussy, bringing his head slowly down until his nose and tongue was buried into my heat and he was sliding his tongue along my seam

It felt like molten lava was swirling around in my stomach, and my skin was on fire. he moved his tongue in circular motions, his tongue moving with such certainty, swirling and flicking and stroking and building me up with the sheer sensation

I let out a moan that refused to stay inside of me, the pleasure being so intense that my eyes roll to the back of my head of their own accord

The pleasure so intense and delicious that I was fearful for when he would stop and I would come crashing down

‘’please don’t stop’’ I whimper, throwing my neck further back

Only my plea did not have the desired effect, because he moved his tongue away to look up at me, his eyes meeting mine squarely and I saw my moisture coat his nose and lips

‘’tell me why you don’t want me to stop’’ he states insolently

He is going to make me say it, I want him to make me cum.

I open my mouth, but I’ve exhausted my courage for the day, and the words won’t come out of my mouth

‘’use your words’’ he urges, rubbing his index finger against the sensitive nub

Another moan escapes my mouth

‘’it feels so good‘’ I say lamely, he could have insisted I say more, he had that power over me that I would tell him that he was god just so that I could feel his mouth on me, but he doesn’t and instead he returns his mouth to where they had just been a moment ago

Lapping up my liquid like a thirsty man, my hands fisting the sheets besides me

I grind my legs against his mouth, wanting to be closer. He smiles against my pussy before breaking away

‘’hold your legs for me’’ he instructs pushing my legs further back that it is in reach for me to wrap my hand around the underside of my knee.

I hold on, my hands shivering with the sheer need to release

Then with his fingers, he parts my folds, and starts pushing his tongue inside where he swirls it there in turn

I let out mewl of desire, and this only eggs him on because he starts moving his tongue inside me faster, until I am practically drenched where he eventually moves onto my clit and bites gently

‘’oh god’’ I whimper

My hips buck against him from the building pressure

‘’yes’’ I breathe out, and he lifts an eyebrow at me mockingly acknowledging my desire, I feel the blush creep into my cheeks

Whilst his tongue caresses my clit, his fingers still separating my folds, he teases his index finger at my opening, twirling circles that match the rhythm of his tongue

I feel a pressure build up and then he increases the pleasure even more by slipping in a finger and it goes in so easily because of the slickness there, I let out a pleading sound, my hands are shaking my arms don’t hold the strength to hold my legs anymore so I let them go

Mr Huey takes over the job of holding my legs apart, elbows pressing deep into the backs of my thigh, the points of his elbows digging into my skin causing my eyes to water due to the pain

But I don’t care, I want more

I hear my moisture, hear his lapping, his finger moves fast inside me, and then my hips lift of the bed, he holds me down as I come panting and groaning as my orgasm racks through me

My first orgasm

It takes a while for me to regain my bearings, the remains of the calescent pleasure leaving my body, and I look up to him, happy and insatiated.

I had experienced fingering, but not like that. Connor had done it once after I told him that I was still a virgin and he had stuck his finger inside me telling me that one day it would be his cock inside me. But the fingering was uncomfortable, and I couldn’t wait for it to end, as it was just him poking about not knowing what the fuck he was doing

I thought if the fingering was that bad, I could not imagine what the sex would actually be like with him

Yet this man who was looking down at me, traces of a smile taunting his mouth. This man I wanted him to do whatever he wanted to do to me, if it meant experiencing what I had just experienced again

I didn’t say anything, I just waited for my shallow breaths to return to normal. I didnt need to say anything because my eyes said everything that my mouth could not

That I am ready for more

I realize I had told Connor that I was a virgin because I did not want to have sex with him. but with Mr Huey with his skilled fingers and tongue it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t know that I have never had sex before, as all I can think of is that; if he can do that with his fingers what could he do with his cock?

So I let him bury his dick inside me, his length gliding in because of the moisture he had just created.

It did not hurt, It was uncomfortable and felt strange initially, but he started slow, with even and paced thrusts before picking up the pace, and plummeting into me over and over again, so much so that the pleasure had me begging him for release

And when I came all over his cock, my pussy pulsating with everything it had just felt

I knew after that I would never be able to go back to guys my age