"I loved you."
“Silas, please just listen to me! You’re not thinking straight!” I cry in vain. Rain mixes with my rapidly falling tears and the icy wind makes my whole body shake uncontrollably. I can feel my make-up tickle me as it runs down my wet face and I know I look like a mess.
But I don’t care; my best friend is just out of arms reach, threatening to jump; to jump into the storming river beneath the unsteady wooden bridge we are on.
I’ve never had bad memories on this rocking bridge and it use to be my favorite place. Silas met me here. Silas told me his deepest secrets here and Silas confessed his love for me here. But now, tonight, is the worst memory I could ever create.
I’m still in my prom dress, red velvet with a sweetheart neckline. I felt like a princess as Devon led me into the grand hall. But now I feel like a broken puzzle piece with an ugly face.
“Silas!” I sob. I don’t dare creep closer in fear that he’ll take that as his time to jump.
He shakes his head hard, water droplets spraying everywhere. “No, no, no! You don’t get to beg me to stay!” He sounds so broken and I know I’m the cause of that. “You were suppose to be with me! You were suppose to love me! Only me! I loved you. I cared for you. I was there. I was there the whole time. Why did you choose another? Why didn’t you choose me? All my life I’ve been second place.”
I dare one step closer. I can’t leave, I don’t want to leave and I don’t want him to leave.
I drop to my knees, the cold and fear making my legs to numb to hold me up. His shoulders are shaking violently now and I can’t tell if it’s from the freezing rain or from his strong sobs.
“I told you I loved you. I handed my heart to you, the girl I trusted the most to hold it close and take care of it. I was there for you, was I not?
I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall for you and I wouldn’t let you control my feelings. You, you are just irresistible. How could I not fall for you? I have many things I could tell you about the way you look, the way you act, the person you are. But you don’t care about all that, do you?” Silas starts to grow angrier and louder, almost over-powering the storm.
He glances down at the rushing water and spits out, “I never knew death could look so inviting. You’re not the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen anymore, but you are the coldest.”
It stings to be compared to the icy black water beneath our swaying bridge. Silas has never uttered such cruel words to anyone, he would have never forgiven himself.
“Come here. Let’s go home and we can talk about this.” The plea is overlooked by my best friend. I can’t even tell if he can hear me over the demons screaming in his head.
He glances over at me again. “Do you love me?” He asks.
I nod instantly.
“Say it.” He growls.
“I love you Silas.” I cry. He shakes his head once again.
“No, no you don’t. You may love me but not in the way I love you. I love you so much more.”
“What do you want me to say? I can’t love you just because you want me to!” I too am starting to get angry. The tension and anxiety is causing my emotions to raise to extreme pressures.
“I don’t want you to! I need you to! I need you to love me! I need to have you! Can’t you see? I’ve loved you since the day we met on this bridge and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” He is whispering by the end of his sentence.
Suddenly, he steps back. “Silas!” I scream so loud my voice cracks and my throat burns. But it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s already gone, spiraling down into the sub-zero water.
I gasp and sob, staying on my hands and knees. I can’t force myself to peer over the edge of the bridge to try and catch sight of him. I can’t force myself to believe what Silas has just done. My heart is beating in an almost painful speed and my mind is consumed by the look of Silas’ face just before he left me.
I stay there for hours, so long that the storm had stopped and the sun is starting to slowly peek its rays over the horizon. My boyfriend, Devon, finds me curled in a ball and still sopping wet.
He wraps his normally warm and comforting arms around my stiff frame but I feel nothing. He carries me to the road where people swarm around me, wrapping me in a blanket and urgently asking me what had happened. I hardly register that they are there.
Just then a familiar woman pushes through the crowd and grips my arms. “Where is my son?” She looks worried.
Finally I snap out of it. My wild eyes meet hers and it all comes stumbling out, “I tried to stop him. Believe me I tried. I followed him out the dance and he- he,” I can’t seem to say it.
My voice cracks and I point at the settled river. “He jumped.”
