Chapter 1: Introduction
Introduction:
I am just a simple girl who is still learning how to survive in this cruel world.
Since I was a little girl, love has never really found its way to me. Sometimes, I wonder if it ever will.
Growing up, my parents never really made me feel loved. Of course, they love me as their child… but there are times when they make me doubt that love, too.
We belong to a middle-class family that spends wisely—not too much, but not too little either.
To them, being a parent means fulfilling their responsibilities. But showing affection, expressing their love, or making their child feel cherished? Those things have always seemed like a foreign language to them.
I have never truly understood what it means to be showered with love.
Love has always felt so distant to me. Something beautiful that I could see in other people’s lives, but never quite experience in my own.
And it’s something I crave more than I can explain.
I’m almost eighteen now, yet I’m still searching for it.
Whenever I see my friends being loved by their boyfriends, being pampered, cared for, and showered with affection, I can’t help but feel a little sad.
Because deep down, I want that, too.
I want someone who makes me feel loved without having to ask for it. Someone who sees the sadness behind my smiles, notices the little things about me, and stays when life gets difficult.
Someone who makes me feel like I matter.
Someone who makes me feel chosen.
Someone who makes me feel that, for once in my life, I don’t have to beg for the love I deserve.
I want a man who will love me gently, care for me wholeheartedly, and make me understand what it feels like to finally be someone’s girl.
Maybe that’s too much to ask for.
Or maybe… I’ve just been waiting for a love I’ve never known.
But here’s the thing about me… despite all the love I’ve craved for all these years, I’m not always a sad girl sitting in a corner, drowning in my own thoughts.
I’m actually quite the opposite.
I’m that funny, clumsy, and slightly chaotic girl who can laugh until her stomach hurts when she’s with her friends. I’m an ambivert, someone who can be loud and carefree around the right people but quiet and reserved when I’m not comfortable enough. I don’t hesitate to laugh out loud, make stupid jokes, or act like a complete fool around my little friend group.
With them, I’m just me. No overthinking, no pretending, just a girl enjoying the little moments of her life.
People who see me laughing might never guess how much affection I secretly crave. They might think I’m happy enough, that I have everything I need to get through life.
And maybe, in those moments, I really am happy.
But even the girl who laughs the loudest sometimes wishes she had someone who would hold her a little closer, reassure her a little more, and love her in ways she’s never experienced before.
Because being a happy girl doesn’t mean I don’t have lonely moments.
And being able to make everyone around me laugh doesn’t mean I don’t wish someone would look at me one day and think, “I just want to make this girl happy for the rest of her life.”
