Prologue
My chest was being ripped apart.
Sitting on a rock in the middle of the forest foot path, surrounded by snow, my lungs were burning and begging for air, I stared at my shaking hands, my breath rasping as I tried to remember how to inhale. Tears streamed down my face, frigid in the cold air even as my face burned with the strain.
I’d felt it when I was working at the cafe, the noise, the customers, my best friends asshole boyfriend deciding to visit us. I’d tried to get home before the panic attack had swung into full gear and had royally failed, so now I found myself alone on the path of the forest that cut through the center of the small town of Quelia, fist punching my sternum like I could jumpstart my ability to breathe.
I just wanted everything to stop. I wished there was a great remote for the universe and someone could hit the pause button so I could just fucking breathe. Mentally. Emotionally. Because it seemed that everything had decided to step on my chest, like an elephant testing how much it could press before actually crushing me to death and I just... I just...
I didn’t even know what had triggered this one which was a big reason I was out here alone and not back in the cafe in the warmth with my friend because I’m not making her comfort me when I was having a break down for no discernable reason. She had her own problems to deal with, she didn’t have time to deal with mine.
I brought my knees to my chin, curling my tall frame as small as possible. Of course I couldn’t tell anyone about this, it was stupid, having a panic attack over absolutely nothing. My inability to keep my head on straight wasn’t her problem. It wasn’t anyone’s problem. What was I supposed to do, tell someone? What was I supposed to say when the inevitably asked why? Like, yes, please pause everything important that you’re doing because my brain has decided to throw a tantrum. I’m sure they’d be thrilled by that. My friend had her own problems that were actual real problems and now I was having a break down under the light of a dim oil lamp because I’d had a mildly bad day at work. How stupid would that be? How weird would they think I was? They’d get annoyed, they’d get mad, they...
I pulled my shaking hands closer to my chest, curled into a ball in the snow, breath rasping as tears slipped frozen down my cheeks. A burden. That was what I was. I couldn’t even handle having a bad day. It wasn’t worth telling anyone. It wasn’t worth making myself someone else’s problem. I wasn’t worth even being a problem. I curled tighter into myself. I wasn’t worth anything. I wasn’t anything. I just hurt the people around me. It would be better if I had just never been born-
An animals soft huff interrupted my thoughts and my head shot up, heart hammering for a completely different reason now as I looked up to see a large, light brown wolf standing in the trees, on the edge of the light of the oil lamp handing from the street lamp.
The town of Quelia took the wolf packs that lived in the forest around it very seriously, there were laws that made sure we did not interfere with the natural ecosystem of the forest such as not using electrical lighting so there was no light pollution. But understanding that wolves lived in the forest that surrounded our town and coming face to face with one when I was having a mental break down in the dark were two completely different things.
I stared at the light brown wolf standing in the trees, close enough that I could see it’s hazel eyes, his tail swished as my body tensed, getting ready to either run or fight, though neither seemed like the best idea against a wolf. We stared at each other for a very long moment before the wolf sat back on it’s haunches, pressed it’s ears back, and leaped... straight into a pile of snow, it’s hindlegs and tail sticking out as it squirmed.
I snorted.
I couldn’t help it, here was this potentially dangerous wild animal in front of me and it was currently wriggling in a snow drift like a particularly fluffy worm. And, as a result of the snort, the burning in my chest began to ease and I inhaled large gulps of air as my lungs remembered how breathing worked. I coughed a few times, scrubbing at my tear stained cheeks with the heels of gloved hands, taking a moment allow the pain in my chest to ease and my breathing to regulate somewhat, when I looked back up at the wolf and startled badly.
Because now there were two wolves. As the light brown one pulled himself out of the snow drift, shaking the white ice from his fur, another wolf had some how materialized. Or, maybe he’d been there the entire time, which was possible because the wolf which was much larger than the one who dived snow piles, was almost entirely black.
With the only light available being the dim light of the oil lamp and whatever the sliver of moon above us afforded, it looked as though he blended into the shadows. Except, that was, for the cobalt blue eyes glinting in the limited light that were trained directly on me. Which, you know, isn’t concerning in the least. I wondered how far I could run before the pair caught me. Probably not far, but if I climbed a tree-
The big black wolf suddenly snorted into the snow, startling me and I looked between the pair. The light brown one, having successfully freed himself of his snowy predicament, was also just staring at me. Pleasant. Not concerning at all. I was just contemplating my chances of winning if I fought these two when the wolf snorted again and my brow furrowed immediately because it sounded almost as if the wolf was asking a question.
I blinked, staring at it. It was official, I was going insane. Why did I think a literal wild animal was trying to ask a question? I was losing it. Definitely. The light brown one pawed at the snow and whined like I was taking too long. Yup, absolutely losing it. I looked between the two of them, focused on me but not making any steps to move closer, and despite how impossible it was, I could swear I saw concern in their eyes.
“Uh...” I said shakily, feeling like I’d abandoned all logic. “I’m okay. I think. See?” I had my hands out to the pair, palms up, smiling a weak and rather watery smile. What the fuck was I doing? Why am I talking to wolves like they understand? But the big black wolf stared at me like he was studying me for a long moment before he huffed like he was satisfied and turned, bounding away with the light brown wolf following behind him, leaving me sitting on my rock alone feeling like I’d just had the coolest and weirdest experience ever.
Had I just spoken to wolves? Had they understood me? Nope. Definitely not. I was officially going insane. Or, more insane. Technically. I sat on the rock in the forest path so utterly confused, I couldn’t remember why I’d had a panic attack in first place.
