Not superb, but a nice start

"The first lines are quite captivating, but then I felt the story came apart at the seams. The writer's burden is that he/she has to keep the reader glued to the page throughout the story. When a story manages to do that, the writer has positively overcome that burden. Again, it is very difficult to achieve that and it requires a lot of effort on the part of the writer. I also think that learning from who is ahead of us is the easiest and best way to improve exponentially (at anything, but especially in writing). Listen, today I read a lot on Inkitt. Some stories I found more intriguing, some less intriguing than yours. But two have struck me as extra good. I'll type the titles: as I said, I am convinced that reading, reading and reading top "tokens" is the only and best way to get better. They are: Wunderhein Academy, Book One. And: My Meaningful Quest. (maybe I have forgotten some words in between haha) Keep going, never give up the writing! That alone is commendable: that you are writing."