Candy's Plea

Nutritious foods are good, yet everyone enjoys candy a lot more. It was for that same reason that the vegetables have recently been getting restless. The lengths they had to go to just to get our attention were truly devastating. As last week, the carrots won a popularity contest with grade school kids, the peas were overcome with self-pity. The jealousy caused a riot in the supermarket. The blame for this mess was finally flung onto the shoulders of the inhabitants of the candy-aisle.

The argument against candy, according to the cabbage, was that it tasted terrible. Every child knows that this rumor is false. “Candy is delicious.” The broccoli replied, when asked about the cabbage’s comment. “The problem is that it rots your teeth.” The broccoli was found to be the more intelligent of the two vegetables, where the cabbage was later proven to be full of hot air.

As the war between the carrots and the peas continued, people were getting progressively more confused about Forrest Gump’s famous statement about Jenny and himself being “like peas and carrots” when describing their friendship. They had seemed so close.

Just yesterday, some innocent bystanders got caught in a ‘squash-by’ while strolling past a pyramid of carrots. We interviewed these victims, who happened to be residents of the candy-aisle. Both the cream-filled chocolate and the bag of gummi bears agreed that taste is the major factor in candy being chosen over vegetables.

When asked, the chocolate admitted that vegetables were the more nutritious food with all their vitamins and minerals. The gummi bears' only comment was that “they [vegetables] may be good for you, but they’re not necessarily good to you. Especially, if you’re candy.” Immediately following this statement, the small tear in the bag dropped out two bears, and had to be airlifted to the packaging-department, where it is said to be in fair condition.

The choice of what to eat is still left up to the people. However, there is a clear, if unvoiced, threat that our favorite sweets may not be around for long if we do not eat our vegetables. More and more candy bars are being made inedible by various veggie riots every day.

Peace talks between the carrots and the peas will be held this afternoon among the neutral fruit-section. There are some very nervous baked goods, sympathetic to the plight of their candy kin, watching the news very closely. Should an agreement be reached, and a treaty signed, it is this reporter’s opinion that the residents of the candy-aisle may be in dire jeopardy, for a united vegetable front might mean an invasion. Cream pies, fearing the advent of a full-fledged food-fight to affect the entire store, are already poised to begin training for possible kamikaze missions.

In support of desserts everywhere, we can all do our part by consuming lots of vegetables, not only to stay healthy, but thin out their numbers. Perhaps, by this time tomorrow, things will return to normal in this supermarket. Nevertheless, there is an advisory out to be careful of rabid zucchini, and vigilante beans posing as sweet treats when visiting your local grocery store for the next few days.