Welcome to the Cult
Welcome to the Cult
Sam was bored.
It was a Saturday afternoon, and he had absolutely nothing to do. He was lying on his stomach across his bed, scrolling through his phone while a fluffy orange cat occupied the pillow beside him.
He glanced at the cat.
The cat glanced back.
"Don't look at me like that. I'm bored too."
The cat blinked.
Sam sighed, opened his camera roll, and selected a picture of the little menace. It was a particularly ridiculous picture, taken earlier that morning, with the cat sitting inside an empty cardboard box and looking like it had just discovered the meaning of life.
He opened his messaging app and sent it to the group chat.
Or at least, he thought he did.
Sam: [cat picture]
Sam: Would you like to join our cult?
Sam: Oops, wrong number. Sorry.
He returned to scrolling.
A few seconds later, it buzzed.
Unknown Number: I'm interested.
Sam frowned.
Sam: What?
Unknown Number: What's the membership fee?
Sam stared at the screen.
Then he looked at his cat.
"Someone wants to join your cult."
The cat yawned.
Sam: Three can food and a lifetime commitment.
Unknown Number: Sounds reasonable. I'm in.
Sam burst out laughing.
Who the hell was this person?
Sam: You know what? I like you.
Unknown Number: That's a relief. I was worried I'd have to audition.
Sam grinned.
Maybe being bored wasn't so bad after all.
—
Unknown Number: Had a shitty day. Need cat pics.
Sam blinked, then let out a small laugh.
Well, that was unexpected.
He glanced toward the tabby lounging on his bed, looking entirely unbothered by the world. Sam picked up his phone, opened the camera, and snapped a picture.
The cat stared directly into the camera, its round eyes wide and its little paws tucked neatly beneath its body.
Adorable.
He sent it.
A few seconds later, his phone buzzed.
Unknown Number: Instant healing. Full health restored.
Sam burst out laughing.
Apparently, the cat had worked its magic.
Sam: See? I told you our cult has healing powers.
Unknown Number: I'm beginning to see the benefits of membership.
Sam: Your membership is non-refundable, by the way.
Unknown Number: Wouldn't dream of asking for a refund.
Sam smiled at his screen.
He was beginning to think this stranger was quite entertaining.
—
Unknown Number: [cat picture]
The picture showed a scruffy-looking tabby sitting beside a food bowl, staring at the camera with an expression that could only be described as pure contempt.
Unknown Number: This asshole slapped me when I tried to feed him.
Unknown Number: Still, worth it.
Sam stared at the picture before bursting into laughter.
Sam: HAHAHA. He looks like he regrets nothing.
Unknown Number: He doesn't. He's already finished eating and is now demanding more.
Sam: And you gave him more?
Unknown Number: Obviously.
Sam: So who's feeding whom here?
Unknown Number: I'm beginning to question that myself.
Sam grinned.
Sam: Congratulations. You've been adopted.
Unknown Number: By a cat?
Sam: Yes. You should feel honoured.
Unknown Number: I do. Even if my new owner is an asshole.
—
Sam glanced over at his cats.
The orange tabby was currently wrestling with the smaller one, while the third sat nearby, watching the chaos unfold like an unimpressed spectator.
He grabbed his phone and took a picture.
Sam: [cat picture]
Sam: They're fighting again.
Unknown Number: Is this a cult meeting or a wrestling match?
Sam snorted.
Sam: They're usually well-behaved.
Unknown Number: Sure. And I'm the king of England.
Sam: Rude.
Unknown Number: I'm just saying, your cult members look violent.
Sam: They're angels.
Unknown Number: Angels with anger management issues.
Sam laughed, shaking his head.
He'd been texting this stranger for a while now, and it occurred to him that he didn't even know who he was talking to.
Sam: By the way, what's your name?
A few seconds passed.
Unknown Number: Felix.
Sam smiled.
Sam: I'm Sam.
Felix: Nice to officially meet you, Sam.
Sam: Welcome to the cult, Felix.
Felix: Happy to be here.
