The Department of Independent Licensed Domestic Operatives

Prologue

“GOOD EVENING, PERSEPHONE. LICENSED DOMESTIC OPERATIVE ARIADNE DAHL IS AT THE FRONT DOOR. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?”

Persephone Mercer was not in the mood today.

“Tell her to fuck all the way the fuck off, CALA,” Seph said.

“OKAY!” CALA said.

A minute later…

“PERSEPHONE,” CALA said. “I HAVE RELAYED YOUR REQUEST TO ARIADNE DAHL, BUT SHE HAS INSISTED ON SPEAKING WITH YOU. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?”

Seph sighed.

“FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!” Seph said. “Patch her through, CALA, SHIT!”

“Really, Seph?”

“What do you want, Ari?” Seph asked.

“You know what I want,” Ari said. “And if you don’t recommend me, I’ll just go talk to Dr. Wagner myself.”

“You can go do that if you’d like,” Seph said. “But there’s only one problem. You’re a bitch. Like, a HUGE, uncaring, cold, unloving, dead-eyed bitch. And your stupid shaved-sides hairdo is pretentious and tryhard. The job involves working with very young women and trauma patients. You have to be, you know, NICE. And EMPATHETIC. And CARING, and UNDERSTANDING, and PATIENT. The job isn’t for you, trust me.”

“I can be….those things!” Ari said.

“SURE you can!” Seph said. “And Elena puts her ALL into sucking dick too!”

“You just don’t want me to steal your little thunder over there at Karuna, huh,” Ari said. “That’s exactly what it is.”

“NO, DIPSHIT!” Seph said. “I don’t want MY name attached to anyone that lacks, you know, BASIC ASS HUMAN EMPATHY. I’d recommend Delilah before I recommend you. But she’s made her peace with where she’s at, and that’s her call. But if you want to talk to Dr. Wagner on your own, go ahead. Just leave me out of it.”

“UGH,” Ari said. “Fine then.”

“PERSEPHONE,” CALA said. “ARIADNE DAHL IS CURRENTLY DEPLOYING A GESTURE INVOLVING HER MIDDLE FINGER AT THE FRONT DOOR CAMERA. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DISPLAY IT ON THE TELEVISION?”

“NO, CALA,” Seph said.

“OKAY!” CALA said.