What is your opinion?
Beautiful story with too much summary
"To me, this seemed like a four or five chapter story condensed into a few pages. There's so much going on here, so much drama, so many characters, and so much plot! It's great...but I think you summarize it and give us the essence rather than making it speak. There are very long paragraphs full of sentences all basically the same length, so it can become a little dense. I would simply break this up maybe into a few chapters and use dialogue to let us see the interactions between the characters and to tease some of this drama out. Honestly, the story sounds amazing and your writing style is great--I just feel like you're holding back or simply writing a detailed outline of a story that needs to be slowly, carefully filled in later. Give your story time to live and breathe so we can savor all the original details. Use everything here as the basis, just go back and have more fun with it. You clearly know this world and have a lot to say, so go to it! Good luck!"
Intriguing
"I found this story to be both very intriguing and enchanting in a way. Intriguing because of the plot. I've never read a book that was narrated through the eyes of a 'bad guy' or a creature that wold be seen as such because of certain traits assumed to be evil. In the beginning I felt bad for the King of Darkness because of his loneliness and isolation. Somehow, even when he let the Princess of Lightening go through the portal, knowing that her ignorance of his world would harm her in more ways than one, i still didn't blame him. I didn't like what the King of Wind did even though I could somehow sympathize with her. The ending surprised me though as I was not expecting the wonderful Creator to make an appearance and slay them all like that. I think this story is very well done and I really enjoyed it. Oh and it was enchanting because of the mythological and fairy tale-like way you told it. Like an urban myth almost. Well done my friend. I enjoyed this piece very much."
