Chapter 1
Sometimes as a man I have feelings I can’t express and it hurts. I bottle things. I’m a football guy but sometimes we aren’t nearly as tough as we look. I lost someone close to me. No one really knows why she did what she did. I’m so lost and at first it was about the things that bothered me, I wouldn’t go near any of the places she went, I wouldn’t even look at my friends or the guys on my team. It was hard to look at them knowing that we all had a connection with her that no one else would ever had, eventually I was just happy she was happy. No one knew she was depressed, she was raised as a foster kid and when she got adopted and moved schools she was happy. She went threw alot of abuse. Her parents beat her and so did her guardians that temporarily raised her. She had a lot of stuff she didn’t like to talk about but I was close to her, she wouldn’t talk to me about it that often sometimes we would sit on the bleachers after practice sweaty and worn out and just sit there watching the day end. Sometimes she would talk and when she did her voice was very soft and musical like but most of the time I would watch her sit there and look at the football field. She wasn’t great but she once told me that she just wanted to face diversity even if she wasn’t black or an immigrant or fat or dumb. She just wanted something more for herself and her life. She wanted to be able to make a difference and she thought she was tough enough. I bet you thought she commited suicide no, she was a football player but she was also training to be a police officer and the course she tried joining was very dangerous they handled guns and went on actual investigations. The day she died was perfectly normal she came to school and watched us practice for a half an hour. When she entered this program she had to quit sports but coach made us a 15 minute break so we could all hug her and wish her well she always made us food and we would eat it then she would hug us and tell us bye then we would continuing practicing and she would go to training. That day went as normal as any other day except 2 hours later it started pouring and coach got a call he covered his mouth with his hand and almost started crying. He gave us a hudle and told all the varsity players with cars to give everyone a ride to the hospital he said
“She’s been shot” and we all knew who he was talking about. We were all standing in the waiting room in wet muddy football pads waiting for news. Coach was crying and some of us were too. I couldn’t cry I couldn’t think my mind kept jumping from one thought to the next. I was in shock and when the doctor came out we knew by the look on his face that she was gone. We all ran up my stomach in knots. “Im so sorry” her brother a freshmen fell to his knees crying and some of us hung our heads and then coach asked “Why was I called?”
“Because you were on an emergency contact list.” I looked at my phone. Right before she went on to a call she called me and told me. I had one voice mail and clicked on it. I put it up next to my ear. “Hey.” she was laughing.”I’m going on a mission and i’ll call you after. Bye antonio” she clicked the end. I was called 4 times by the hospital i was on her emergency list too. I should have checked. I felt like crap. She was always there for us and now we would never get to see her. I started feeling like i couldn’t breathe, my throat closed up and i was choking on my own tears.
2 years later
“Ok guys this is it last championship game” we made it. I sat at the bench in the team room all around us are pictures of past players. There’s a collage picture frame on the back wall. She was in alot of them. I was over it i missed her sure. But there was no point in crying and wishing she was here. She was here. Watching which meant… i stood up. As a captain i had to say something. “Guys our lives these last few years have not been easy. I mean we lost someone who held us together. But she is watching us. She told us she promised once championships started she would be there. She is here just not physically. We have to win for her. This is what we’ve been working for . We didn’t spend 3 hours after school and then an hour after that for personal training. We didn’t work for grades to be eligible for nothing. We didn’t talk to hundreds of scouts just so we can screw it up. We didn’t lose a friend and a person who meant so much to us to lose this game this is our last chance. We can’t miss it so let’s go out there and show that just because we aren’t a bunch of spoiled rich brats that we’ve been through hell and that’s what fuels our fire. If you don’t do it for school or our parents or for each other, do it for the person who was always there ,do it for the one who wanted us to win. Do it for the thing that feeds us all this anger leave it in the field tonight with nothing but a big win. We can let go of her when we have kept our promise. So are we ready? ” we all ran out screaming
