What is your opinion?
One of my favorite book
"This is a great story with original plot, good story telling, great with describing and just a overall great book"
Fear No Evil
"This isn't much of a D&D story aside from a goblin raid, though I do like the new innovative environmental spell Acid Rain. The other spells are high-powered but don't have anything to do with known D&D magic. I think you're writing as a metaphysical wizard of some kind. Pun intended. It's as if the bat-kid were playing a game and got sucked into it. I've seen that movie. (Mazes and Monsters) I don't understand why he is a bat on Earth and on Gaia-- another Earth name. I'm thinking only after he mysteriously jumps through a portal would he would become a mutant bat. There's not enough information on why he would be a bat-like freak. There don't seem to be any benefits or consequences to his predicament. He gained echolocation, but he's not blind, so why or when would he ever use it? Same with wings and a tail. The main misgiving in being that he cannot fly and that he was bullied? Isn't everyone bullied in school? And if he was born a bat that leans into X-Men territory. This story seems to come from a personal standpoint as if you yourself were a young father and perhaps, were estranged from his own. I'm saying there's too much self-reflection Whether true or not, I like to write my D&D stories with more action/adventure moments rather than empty queries of why is my marriage falling apart or why doesn't my dad love me. I could also do without the bedchamber/chamber pot scene. I mean is it a D&D story or a Real Housewives episode? Okay, what's with the skewed priorities? A Queen that abandons her post to tell King Aiden that she understands him now? All women are crazy, right? Also, Aiden wants to abandon his adopted kingdom because the main antagonist razed it, and visiting his father is more important? I would argue that a king needs to fight for his country or he doesn't deserve to be a king. More importantly, I'm wondering why he's a king at all. A lot of assumptions are made here-- and I don't just mean in your writing style. If it's a monarchy then he could only be a royal consort, a type of pseudo king, I suppose. He wouldn't have the social standing or historic lore associated with royalty. So why would the kingdom bow to a youngster or respect him as much as the old king? Answer: They wouldn't. Of course, I could be wrong, but we know little about the history of the kingdom. I understand, it's an unfinished story. Overall, the supporting cast is cool, but your narration and verbiage are odd and sometimes awkward. I suggest Grammarly. Additionally, I recommend pronouns for your most important events or artifacts, or weapons. There's a magic box of import and yet the reader is thinking why the writer didn't give it a specific name. How about the Topsy Turvy Time Controller? I predict when Aiden has again traveled through the portal only a day has passed for his paternal unit, while years for himself. As I said, I think he was summoned into the game. Yeah. we've all seen that movie too. (Jumanji) No matter what, just keep on writing, R. Smith. Safe journeys, mate."
