Chapter 1
Rob’s personality never extended past anything more than superficial. Nothing profound going on in that little mind of his but he was happy and agreeable to everyone who met him. It was 2023 and I was in the middle of my last semester of college. Rob had a house a couple blocks from mine and he and his roommates gladly hosted weekly parties. I would usually end up staying late after the party ended with my roommate, Corin, stumbling over our words with whoever was left standing. Rob and his roommates were down to earth and the opposite of the boys who lived on fraternity row. After having too much to drink we would ponder life’s greatest mysteries, “How come I never invested in cryptocurrency?”, “Why do the freshmen look like they are 25?”, “Who the hell elected this current president?” I would always catch Rob looking at me and could feel that there was some kind of attraction between us. Like his personality, the attraction was purely superficial. Even though we were “friends” I pushed the limits of friendly conversation and obvious flirtation. Whether it was a smile from across the room, or finding a reason to touch him. He did the same.
One evening when my roommate and I were leaving Rob stood in the front doorway and blocked it with his arm as I walked out. Corin was already walking towards the street.
“What are you doing?” I placed my hand on his arm to move it using minimal effort.
He smiled at me, “You should stay.”
I feigned surprise at the suggestion, “Oh really, and why is that?”
“Marie, c’mon.”
“Marie, c’mon what?” I said. I already knew where this was going.
“I don’t know, I just… I just would like it if you would stay with me.”
I looked him in the eyes for a brief moment while I contemplated my response and felt something inside my stomach leap with excitement.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“I’m thinking that I can hang out for a little bit longer but only because you asked so nicely.” My seduction skills were terribly awkward.
It was only a matter of time before this scenario presented itself. After all, Rob being the superficial agreeable human he was, was a slave to his testosterone and libido like any other college-aged male. I had been anticipating the situation and secretly laying the groundwork for a few weeks. I wasn’t in love with Rob, I wasn’t infatuated with Rob, but there was something nice about him. I already decided that year that it was time I stop saving myself for an imaginary husband and dive into the waters head first. I was tired of being the cool story my friends would tell about the college virgin. I began to feel as though my virginity had become this prized possession that people were secretly taking side bets on. My entire college career I had put this huge pressure on myself that whoever I chose had to be the equivalent of a mythical Greek god because I had waited so long.
Instead of a Greek god I chose good old-fashioned Rob that evening. Physically he was nice to look at, about 6 foot, lightly tanned skin, dishwater brown hair, and just enough muscle to not be classified as a meathead. The feature that elevated him a notch above average was his brown eyes. His eyes had a way of smiling at you even if he wasn’t. To say he was charming was an understatement, he was incredibly charming in the way a 1950’s salesman is charming. He would have been a regular Gene Kelly had he been born a half-century and few decades earlier. Another qualifying factor was that Rob had no idea of my secret virginity since he was not in my immediate circle of friends. That night Rob seemed like a good choice.
I called out to Corin and told her I was going to stay for a bit longer. I had discussed this possibility with her prior so I can’t say she was the least bit surprised. At this point it was dark and I couldn’t see her face but I could almost hear her smirking through her response.
“Ok, you two kids have fun, but not too much,” she yelled back.
Rob smiled too. “You want to watch a movie or something?”
“Sure,” as I tried to return the same look his eyes were giving me, probably with much less success.
Everyone in the house had already gone to bed and it was only the two of us in the living room. The house reeked of mildew and booze, it was less than ideal, but this was also college after all. Rob put on Finding Nemo. I never quite understood why he had chosen this movie or owned it in college or why he thought this made a great precursor to foreplay. There was a fish tank in the room that was his most coveted possession. I concluded this was the simplicity in how his mind operated.
“Have you ever seen this movie?”
“Yea but it was a long time ago, I hardly remember what happens.”
I was trying to spare his ego. Everyone knew what happened in Finding Nemo even if they’d never seen it, they find the damn fish. It’s a decades old childhood classic. I was trying really hard to go along with his idea of college seduction. I also didn’t want him to have to try and come up with another movie that he thought appropriate for the occasion. Luckily for Rob what would follow had already been a done deal in my mind. As the movie began to play I leaned into Rob on the couch and rested my head on his shoulder. This was the most intimacy that had ever occurred between the two of us.
Not more than ten minutes into the movie Rob took his hand and rested it on the inside of my thigh. I looked down at his hand and then glanced up at him. As soon as he turned to look at me I grabbed him by the back of his head, not violently of course, and pulled him in for what I believed to be an incredibly sultry kiss. Rob pulled back and laughed.
“What is so funny?”
“It’s nothing, I just didn’t expect this out of you Cooper.”
Rob called me by my last name from time to time but given the present circumstance I wished he’d addressed me by Marie instead. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Rob looked at my face and I could tell he was examining every part of it. He slowly turned his gaze to my lips, put his hand on my chin, and pulled my bottom lip down with his thumb. He kissed me like I had never been kissed in my entire life. My experience thus far was limited but what Rob was lacking in intelligence he made up for with his lips.
I was fully committed after that, this was happening. He could call me Cooper, Coop, Marie, whatever he liked. I reached for Rob’s shirt and pulled it over his head, he did the same but with much more ease than I had. My heart raced as each layer slowly peeled off. Soon we somehow made our way off of the couch and onto the floor. The hard wood floor with a sticky beer residue was definitely not the best surface for love making but what the hell. For a brief moment I laughed to myself about all the romance movies and books I had consumed growing up and how this never quite made it into any of the scenes. Quickly removed from my thought, I felt Rob push into me for lack of a better description. A little more painful than I expected. I soon became worried that Rob was going to know it was my first time. Hopefully I would be one of the lucky ones and there wouldn’t be any bloody mess to give it away. The pain eventually subsided and in its place was repetitious, rhythmic, and slightly monotonous movement. Could this really have been what I had held out so long for? It felt all right but nothing like the over the top moaning and screaming I had seen in films. He was extremely gentle with me and as hard as I tried to be in that moment I could only wonder what he was thinking and if he knew.
“What is that…oh shit I think there’s blood on me. I’m not bleeding, she’s bleeding. There’s no way she’s still a virgin, is there? Man, it’s probably that time of the month and she doesn’t know.”
“What? No it’s not!” I yelped out.
“What? What’s not? Are you ok, do you want me to stop?”
“No, you’re fine I just, wait what… I thought you said something?”
“No, babe,” said Rob as he leaned down and kissed me.
My mind paused for a moment of confused silence.
“She’s really giving me a strange look.”
There it was again, but the voice was coming from inside my head. Except it wasn’t my voice and this time I realized Rob’s lips had not moved and he had not said this out loud.
“There’s just no way she’s enjoying this. Probably thinking about her next exam. Earth to Marie, I’m right here on top of you.”
“I am!” I said aloud, and by that I was not sure what I had actually meant, that I was enjoying it or could have reasonably been thinking about my next exam.
Rob looked wildly puzzled, I started to feel sick at the realization that I had somehow heard his private thoughts. At this point there was no way our love encounter was going to continue, I was too sketched out.
“I’m sorry but we have to stop.” I pushed Rob off of me, got up from the floor, and began to gather my clothes.
I didn’t really know what to do in that moment. Do I ask him if he actually thought those things? If I asked him would he even tell me? Or would this go down as the single craziest, and not crazy sexy, but mental institution crazy, sex experience. There was always the possibility that the combination of stress about the event and the lingering effects of alcohol had caused me to start hearing voices. I’d heard in a psych class that schizophrenia could present itself in your early 20’s.
“Are you ok, did I do something wrong?”
“No, no you’re fine, I mean it was fine, I mean everything is ok I just think it’s late and my roommate is probably worried that I’m not back yet.” Wow, describing sex as being fine probably wasn’t the best adjective I could have picked.
“Well I’ve never had this reaction before when I’ve taken off my clothes.”
“It’s not that,” you cocky asshole.
“What?” he replied. Damnit, I answered a question out loud that he hadn’t actually said.
I needed to make a quick exit.
“Thank you for tonight, I’ll call you tomorrow and see you later this week?” I wasn’t really sure why I had thanked him, sticking to pleasantries just seemed like the most logical thing to do in that moment.
“Yes, I would like that, I’m sorry if I did something wrong or upset you.”
“I promise it wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do,” I said as reassuringly as I could. Your sex is just fine and I’m just a mad woman I thought.
I gave him a quick peck on the lips as I left. The sun was already starting to come up and judging by the pain I felt behind my eyes, I knew the alcohol had long worn off. Maybe I really did have more to drink than I thought. Even though I had just experienced what was supposed to be the best night of my life the whole escapade was undermined by the strangest thing that ever happened to me. Strange, bizarre, otherworldly? The craziest part of it all was that deep down I knew I wasn’t a schizo, it really did happen and I heard Rob, inside of his own head.
Finally I made it to my home and fell straight into my bed. My head was spinning. All I wanted to do was make sense of everything but soon I was completely over taken with exhaustion and my eyelids gave in.
The next morning I did what anyone at my age does when they need answers. I called my mom.
“Oh hi honey, it’s so good to hear from you, are you ok? Is everything alright?”
“Yes mom, can’t your favorite daughter call you without something always being wrong?”
“Of course you can, but you know I worry about you at college and I don’t hear from you as often as I’d like.”
I had to admit I did do a rather poor job of calling my mom other than the occasional “I need emergency funds” phone call. It was so good to hear her voice. There’s something inexplicably comforting in knowing someone else cares about your well-being. I was still in the intermediate phase of adulthood, living on my own in the real world, but never truly on my own.
“I want to make a trip home to see you soon, possibly this weekend?”
“Oh Marie, I would love that. I can make your favorite dinner if you come home this weekend and even your favorite dessert.”
What an amazing woman, I had been lucky enough to win the lottery of life when it came to her.
“I would like that very much, I love you mom.”
“Marie are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yes, just expressing my gratitude towards you. I’ll see you this weekend.”
“Ok, I love you too. Be safe.”
Most mothers had a sixth sense of when something wasn’t totally right with their children. Being an only child I felt my mother’s was more fine-tuned than most.
Friday finally came and I decided to skip out of my last class early. I had ecology with Rob and didn’t feel like making small talk after our awkward encounter. He sent me a message asking if everything was ok since he didn’t see me in class. I assured him all was well and that I decided to leave early for the weekend. Yes, all was well, I had convinced myself that it was a stress induced state of delirium and everything was fine and dandy.
Lucky for me my mom was only a quick two hour drive from my college in Athens, Ohio. Where we lived was considered the middle of Ohio. Unfortunately they could only come up with a name as clever as Centerburg. Centerburg was Midwest farm country that consisted of cornfields and basically more fields. I never quite understood how Ohio had been considered “Midwest” when it was geographically oriented on the eastern side of the country. Occasionally a sign cropped up on the drive that read “Jesus saves us from hell”, “Opioid Addiction? We can Help”, or “Amish-built furniture.” The weather that winter had been unseasonably warm as it had been every season prior. The one benefit of climate change was the likelihood of snow in March became less and less, making vehicular travel infinitely more pleasant. The drive gave me a chance to clear my mind and literally think about nothing. I enjoyed the meditative-like state a long drive induced.
When I arrived in the driveway I was greeted with the beautiful sound of a dog barking. Zappa ran up to my car door before I even stepped out. A mangy looking pit bull/boxer mix that I had gotten my mom some years ago from a rescue shelter. Mangy, but loveable. I thought a dog would be the perfect replacement when I left for college to keep her from spiraling into the dreaded empty nest syndrome. I walked in the door and the smells of home cooked love filled the air. Pumpkin pie. It wasn’t thanksgiving but that didn’t matter. It was a long running joke that I would have pumpkin pie every year on my birthday, which landed smack dab in the middle of summer. I think it had started from a request when I was younger and from then on, pumpkin pie it was. Apparently coming home from college was now also considered a special occasion. She greeted me with the most heart-felt hug and all my worries in that moment had melted away.
“Sit down honey, relax.”
Why yes I will.
After dinner my mom sat with me on the couch and I decided against telling her what had happened. I knew if I told her she would most likely jump to conclusions and I would be making an appointment with a therapist the following week. She meant well but I don’t think she was ever equipped to deal with matters of the mind, especially one like this. We talked about routine things like my roommate Corin, how my classes were going, if I had met anyone, etcetera, etcetera.
My mom had this strange glow about her the entire evening. The kind of glow that comes from being in love. My parents had been divorced for most of my adult life, in fact I don’t think I could ever remember a time when they were married. It was probably for the best because that way I never knew any different. I believe I had been spared from all the emotional issues that could’ve developed if they’d divorced during my later formative years. I could hear my mom’s phone go off and as she went to look at it a smile appeared across her face. I wondered what she was smiling about, a loyal customer coupon for 20% off her favorite make-up store, or perhaps a notification that her monthly book club meeting was the following week.
“I hope you saved some of that whipped cream from the pie for later when I see you.”
“Whipped cream, he’s a bad boy.”
“Holy shit mom!” I said aloud.
“Watch your mouth Marie Cooper, what?”
Oh no. It was happening again. Why did I have to hear that? Why couldn’t she have been thinking about flowers or baking or church? I needed to pour bleach on my brain to remove that mental image.
“Nothing, I thought I saw a spider,” I said with a good amount of angst.
“Well if you did you better get it because you know I don’t do well with spiders.”
I had been the designated spider remover most of my life. I never had the heart to kill them so I would release them back into the yard where they most likely crawled back into our house.
It quickly dawned on me that aside from the mental image forever engraved in my brain, I had not only heard my mom’s thoughts, but heard her reading aloud the text message she had received. I was an unwelcome visitor in her mind and from the look on her face she had no idea I’d been there.
What exactly was going on? This was not the kind of thing that was supposed to happen in the real world. I had seen T.V. shows of psychics and mediums but never believed any of them were real, and I wouldn’t exactly call what I was doing “psychic” or “medium” like. How was I, one of the most boring individuals in the world, hearing other people’s thoughts? I needed to think back to the night with Rob earlier that week. Could it really be as simple as wondering what someone was thinking? That was all that I did with Rob, I literally thought to myself I wonder what is going on in his head. This seemed barely plausible, if I had mind reading abilities I would have used them long ago. None of this was making any sense. Weirdly enough it did not feel as foreign as it probably should have either. It seemed like the beginning of a really bad science fiction novel I thought to myself. I thanked my mom for dinner, gave her a kiss, and went up to my old room for a quiet place to sort all of my thoughts out alone.
