Rise Like a Phoenix

Can a boy and a girl be best friends is the question that is been asked by too many people around?

I have also thought about the same.

I was there for him when he needed all the time. We enjoyed our days. Nonstop giggling with all the jokes, he would throw. I ignored all the friends around me.

“Don’t be his friend you are going to be hurt”

“He is using you”

“Wait until he is done with you”

“Don’t come back crying to us”

“You are doing his works but he is enjoying”

“When will you ever learn?”

I didn’t care for all those who kept giving me pieces of advice which they told. I did everything in my power to make him smile as the never wanted him to be sad. Days were all going well.

Years passed with no interruption. I was a hidden friendship. Nobody knew we were close friends.

Why didn’t anyone about it?

I was not with him during his parties, trips, and hang out. I didn’t realize I had lost friends whom I could spend my weekends with. All I was told is “You are too good and don’t want you getting involved in anything”. Wow, he is so protective of me I thought. Therefore, I stopped going out, hanging out with friends. I stopped calling them.

I knew only one person in this entire world whom I never wanted to lose.

One day finally comes where we had to meet and he said, “Now is the time for you to socialize”. I was 26 years old and what do you expect me to socialize when everyone would treat be so low and naïve. Okay if now is the time let me enjoy it. I said people he is my best friend.

“Really, where is he?”

“How funny he hasn’t even mentioned you?”

“I told you so”

“You never learn”

“He used to you just for his work to be done”

“Where were you these many years?”

Now my mind was inconsistent. So does he really treat me that way? I am just a puppet for him to play! Was I his servant doing all works he used to ask me too?

Slowly I could connect the dots since I started to become more observant.

Every situation led me to conclude what people were saying is true.

How could he even do this to me? I was hurt. These many years and all I did was being a slave without even me realizing. Wake up and move on was all I could say for myself. How stupid was I not to analyze the things?

I decided I would avoid him and everything would be fine. I stopped answering the calls, replying to messages and started to blame him for everything.

He disappeared.

However, one day he comes back saying, “I missed you and you are really a special friend of mine whom I don’t want to lose”.

I was so addicted to his morning calls, messages, jokes, teasing, bickering and gossiping. I don’t want to lose such a good friend I must not listen to anyone.

“Engaged”, he said

Now entire trust went crashing.

He didn’t even bother to say me. I thought I would be the first person to know about it. I want to be in best friend’s life journey together. Nevertheless, I was not even invited.

“Everything was so sudden I could not tell anyone”, he said

I believed.

After months, I receive a WhatsApp “Getting married. Please make it on the day” which is two months away. Instead, he could have called me to inform. Is our friendship that bad that he had to text me?

Seriously, a message is what takes you to invite your own so-called “Special” friend. Why do I want to be in a place where I am not even welcomed? I made a firm decision on not to attend.

2 Months later

I need to go he was my best friend after all. I promised myself this would be the last and I would have nothing to do with him. I attended the wedding and I could hardly breathe around. Felt uncomfortable.

I don’t even whom to talk to.

I don’t even know where to go.

I was lost. Maybe I did a mistake of coming. Finally, I found some old friends and went to them. However, I was not welcomed. They have been friends for ages and how do you expect to get along. They ignored me the whole time. I like a lost puppy walked behind them. I was so close to crying and I left that place before I could create a mess.

I avoid him for months and it turns to years.

One fine day “I need some information about how to get ID done” is a message I receive.

Seriously, after a year you ask me to give some information where he doesn’t even bother to ask how am I doing?

I ignored.

I buried myself with work, painting, and writing. I achieved my dreams during those months of being lonely.

I had no friends to talk.

I had no friends to message.

I had no one.

People now recognized me as an artist and author.

“Did know you would not let me know about the book and invite me to the exhibition”, I received another message

I ignored.

“Just because you became an author that does that mean you show attitude and ego”, I received after few days

Now I lost it.

I poured down all my frustration and in the end; all I receive was “Take Care”

Word went flying between both of us for months and now all I know is “BLOCKED”

How funny does that sound?

Blocking a special friend only because I am an author and an artist

Should I still be a slave to him?

Even after all those mistakes he made and blamed it all me. Should I accept him back?

Should I forgive him?

They say, “Friendship which is more than 7 years is more like family”. However, my friendship is a broken, which cannot be mended anytime soon.

I don’t want to fight and I have let it gone.

What is the purpose of living anymore?

No friends

No family

I decided to punish myself for all the mistakes. I burnt my body for every single mistake. Deeper and deeper I pushed to leave a scar. I hurt myself where nobody could see it. Nevertheless, the pain what the burn gave was nothing compared to the pain that I have felt for these many years. I hit myself more and cried until my last tear dried. I always thought about different ways to hurt myself but it never succeeded.

What more I can do for this pain to go away?

Death

Yes, it will permanently erase my problem.

Are you not leaving behind the people who are the purpose of your living? New friends, a family that always supported whom I ignored to be in a dream world. I cannot do this to them. One person cannot let me drown and I cannot waste a precious life of mine for one unworthy person.

Rise like a phoenix

Every mistake is a learning step and I will definitely rise to give this life a meaning.

Let me know how will you react in this situation.