Three Steps

Step 1

I was 16 stories of the ground a grand total of 160 feet.

what did I feel? absolutely nothing.

not because I didn’t want to, it was just because I was too tired to care.

I simply didn’t care if I took three more steps forward and fell.

fell to the ground without a care in the world to sleep peacefully for the rest of entirety.

I don’t care a neither will anyone else, why? you ponder well

I’m nameless, faceless

I’m nobody anybody should care about. Not anymore, at least

everybody thinks suicide isn’t the answer, and there right it’s not the answer it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem,

all though right now my problem doesn’t feel so temporary,

it’s a way to permanently escape whatever it is you want and or need to escape from.

I need to get away from everything,

What’s everything? you might ask

well everything’s the constant sadness I feel 24/7, everything’s the constant fear.

fear of pending danger ahead, everything is the non-stop tiredness that sleep won’t cure

everything’s the non-stop emptiness since he’s been’ gone,

everything’s the overwhelming urge to cry but I can’t because I don’t deserve to,

because at the end of the day I’m still breathing and he’s not.

everything’s waking up every morning without him, knowing that he’ll never walk through our-my front door ever again,

We’ll never get into a fight about what to watch, or where to eat

I’ll never be able to tell him how much I love him, and his stupid obsession with cars.

I'll never be able to rant about how NCIS is better than CSI, or how I love him more then he loves me,

and that, that's what hurts the most,

So I take one step forward.