2017
2017 you bitch, I’ve conquered you, I have fucked you bloody. You thought you could win over me. But I’m stubborn, stubborn than most.
What a year, the roller coaster ride of the century. I have cried and laughed. Felt hollow and incomplete. I have traversed the seas of my own subconscious. Whatever life may throw at me I’m ready.
It has been a year of psychosis of untold pain. I do not know what life may bring me, but one thing is certain I will still be here. I will still smile as my life ticks away.
There is nothing in this world that can stop me. There is nothing in the world that can make me back down. When I cried my reality dissolved around me. When I rejoiced I felt the world resurfacing around me.
The years might throw their wickedness your way but remember this. Remember it for all eternity you are strong. To watch death creep away at you. To watch your own madness unfold before your very eyes and still find the strength to carry on that is the strength of one who can endure life. To never surrender to never submit to defeat. That is true grit. That is what the world demands of you.
But it has not been without sorrow. It has been a year of discovery of regaining myself a year like no other that has ever appeared before my very eyes. To be weak is to cower, to be strong is to be mad. I will laugh at deaths general direction as it flashes before me. I will continue.
The friends that I hold dear have been a pathway to strength, a pathway to regaining my own humanity. In that sense I’m no longer hollow I feel oh gods do I feel, I feel till I can no longer hold it within me. I feel until the depths of my subconscious resurfaces before my very eyes.
I burst with emotions I used to think it little. But now, oh now I know its importance its untold chaotic potential. To watch from above the void and stare into it, and just laugh, laugh like you’re insane. Laugh like you have never laughed before.
The voices have ceased, there is no conflict its purity is sublime. Its shallowness is skin deep. But know I know now I can appreciate the little things that I thought where redundant beforehand.
I have often searched for happiness but it's like a dog chasing its own tail you will never catch it. It comes when it so desires. It comes when you are ready for it. It comes when you let go of your need for it.
Like a friend, it will come and go of its own accord. It will give you a hug. Yet nothing is asked in return. This is truth. This is unconditional love in its purest form.
Yes, 2017 has been an important milestone for me. Yet I can’t help but wonder what life throws at me next. Because now I’m ready. Now I want it. I used to cower the corner whenever life presented opportunities now I embrace it with my totality with my own fragrance.
I can feel myself bubbling with love, where once there was only hatred and how I despised people. Of their happiness of their own inner peace how I wished that I could carve out their hearts and replace it with my own mind. How arrogant. How childish it was.
Yet now oh now the catalyst of change is within me, the catalyst of change is within all people. My catharsis is complete my journey has just begun, remembrance, peace, tranquility.
