One of Many

“Boy 17, pronounced dead after a fatal stabbing on Saturday night. Boy, unnamed, fought for his life in the ambulance but when he reached the hospital, the doctors found it impossible to restore the amount of blood he had lost. Our condolences go out to his family and friends during this time, as the police look to investigate further into this incident.”

The echoes of the sirens heightened within his mind. The stammering of footsteps circled it. The coughing, the spitting, the struggling. All on repeat within his mind, paralysing him in his seat. However, despite all the sound, nothing could defeat the deafening silence. The silence is what boggled his mind. The sounds are what are trapped in his head, but what he wants to understand is the silence. Why didn’t he scream? Why didn’t he make a sound? Why didn’t he cry? Why didn’t he create a signal? Why was it silent until it wasn’t? How was he silent? How? Why? All these questions racked his mind whilst he was looking for silence. “Devon.” His mother said. “Devon?” She questioned. Despite how loud she was speaking, her voice was no competition to the noise in his mind. She came closer. “Devon?” his eyes slowly made their way to her face, but he looked blankly at her. No expression. No reply. They just identified the woman in front of him. “Devon, can you hear me? Devon?” she continuously questioned expecting a reply from him but instead she received a tear. A single tear drop fell from his eye. The tear dropped and hit the floor, creating an aftermath of a gazillion tears. She grabbed her son “Devon! Devon, speak to me!” She exclaimed whilst dropping to her knees and holding him as tight as she could. She holds onto him for dear life, hoping to squeeze a reply out of his mouth but instead at the other end of the room a young boy appears. The young boy steps out of the cinema and he waits there for two minutes. The young boy seems anxious, like he’s in a rush to get out of there, yet he still waits. Suddenly a young group of boys appear. They’re wearing black from head to toe. Some of them wearing balaclavas and masks. They’re strolling down the road. The same road of the young boy. They approach the young boy in a casual manner and carry on walking past him until they reach the end of the street. Devon’s eyes follow the young boys walking to the end of the street until their feet lift from the ground as they begin to run around the corner. The door of the cinema opens. Devon’s eyes divert back to the cinema door, where he sees the young boy on the floor. Bleeding. He’s bleeding. Blood is rapidly pouring out of the young boy’s side. The person who stepped out of the cinema door was his girlfriend. His girlfriend drops to the ground and starts crying ‘no’ under her breath. She holds onto the young boy’s body, with some foolish attempt to save him by holding him. She screams for help. She looks across the road, her eyes meet Devon’s. Devon’s eyes refocus. He struggles to breathe. His mother starts yelling, “Devon!” she starts to shake him, “Devon! Devon! What’s going on? Devon, please!”. Eventually Devon starts to breathe normally again. His eyes full with tears that are unable to leave his eyes. “Mum.” He says with a weakness of breath.

“Yes.” She responds with some sort of hope.

“I was there – when the boy was stabbed I was there – I was right there. It happened right in front of me … but I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it. “ He lets out whilst trying to recover from each breath he let out.

“What do you mean?” she asks with confusion.

“It all happened so fast. I didn’t even know it was happening – until I knew it was happening.” At this point his mother had let go of him and was taken back, literally, trying to understand. “I was in the shop. The other day when you sent me to the shop. It happened that day. I was there.”

“Continue.” Devon is about to begin to continue when his mother stops him abruptly. “No…. do you know what? Get your coat. Let’s go.

“What – where are we going?”

“We’re going to the station. Get your coat. Get yourself together. We’re going.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean, you can’t? You – Look Devon, when I decided to have you, I decided that I would protect you at all costs but when you’re out there I can’t. I can’t protect you and there’s going to be a point where I wont even be in here to protect you but until then I do. I do get to protect you. What’s happened has happened. And now look at you. Look at yourself Devon. You’re scared. Who knows how long it’s been since you’ve changed those clothes and moved from that chair. You’re barely eating and I’ve bought you your favourite takeaway three days in a row now. There’s things we can be ignorant about, but this isn’t one of them. Especially when it’s happening on your doorstep. Especially when you’re sending your son out to a place where you trust. I trust you Devon but I don’t trust them. You’re a grown man now. You’re a target. You’re ‘one of them’. You were there. What’s to say they saw you? What’s to say they’re coming after you next? If I can stop that, I will. We will, because I’m not ready to lose you because I’m losing you, Devon. Can’t you see that? You’re a shell of my son. And there’s a woman out there right now who has lost her son and the least we could do is report them, before they get someone else. Your cousin. Your friend. They’re ruthless Devon. Its fun and games. It’s something to rap about. To them. But in this house, its not something we sit with. So, you can come with me and you can let me protect you and let the police protect you or you can rot away in here whilst the anger and fear take over you and before you know it you’re carrying ‘protection’ to leave the house. Either way I am going to the police. The choice is yours, son”

Devon looks down at his fists, which are clenched with remorse and regret and then looks at his mother standing in the doorway. He relaxes his fists and looks at his hands. He rises from his seat slowly and cautiously and stands adjacent to his mother. He makes his way to his mother and holds onto her with all the fear in the world. They both cry and hug each other tightly. “It wasn’t your fault; do you understand me? It wasn’t your fault.” She reassures Devon with her voice breaking.

“I’m so sorry.” He cries into her shoulder.

He lets go of his mother and goes to the bathroom to wash his face and then goes to put on his shoes and collect his jacket. Whilst in the process of doing this, his mother tries to quickly come to grips with everything so she can be there for her son and cries out under her breath “Lord, please give me strength, please give him strength to get through this but oh Lord thank you for bringing him to me safely. Lord, thank you for this life, with you I know I will always be able to protect him.”

“Mum. I’m ready.” He says.

They make their way out of their house and process towards the bus stop which was opposite the incident that took place. Soon enough, a bus drives towards the bus stop. They get onto the bus and make their way to the police station. They arrive at the police station and before they enter, his mother says “It will be okay. Just breathe and remember that. Oh, and manners don’t forget them, you’re not another one of these street kids. You’re my son.” They enter the station where they meet a station officer. “Good evening mam, how may I help you?”

“I’m here for my son, he has something he’d like to report.” She states to the officer

“I’m here to report a crime, murder.” He looks at his mother for reassurance. “The murder of Kenny Adams on Saturday the 15th March.”

“Would you like to come with me, please?” The officer asks.

He looks back at his mum with a smile to give her some ease and then follows the officer into the interview room.

“Meeting initiated at 17:40. Present is DC Meade and DC Ferndinand, please state your name and date of birth for the tape.”

“Devon Saunders, 17-10-2002.”

“Okay Devon, would you like us to walk us through the events of that night.”

“Yeah. It was late. Around 8ish or 9ish. I’m sorry, I’m not really sure. My mum sent me out to go and get a calling card and I was going to pick up dinner, my sister and my niece came around so I was going out to get us some chips and that. I went to the chip shop first to make the order and then I went to the shop so that I could return back to the chip shop when the chips were ready. So that’s what I did. I made the order. Then I went to the shop. I picked a bunch of sweets for my niece, got the calling card and then made my way back to the chip shop but the chips and chicken and everything stuff still wasn’t ready. So, I sat, in the chairs, wasting time on my phone and everything. When he stepped out, out of the cinema doors. He stood there for a bit. I didn’t know why. It seemed like he was waiting for something. I guess he was. But he was waiting in a rush because he was doing that leg shake thing you do and his head was moving around like a revolving door. Now that you think of it, he was almost on borrowed time. I’m sorry – can I?

“Yes sure, take your time.”

He sips the cup of water and then proceeds, “He must’ve been standing there for like 2 minutes maximum. Then, all of a sudden, a group of black boys, dressed in black came patrolling down the road. The same side at which Kenny was on. From where I was standing I guess they looked intimidating but he didn’t seem intimidated. There was no sound – there wasn’t anything to tell us that – they just walked past, like nothing had happened. They just ‘walked’ past the boy and they carried on walking down the road with no worries. No trouble. No guilt. No remorse. And then they just ran around the corner. Not a childish run but the type of run you do when – when you’ve got somewhere to be but you don’t want to be seen running. But I saw them. He saw them. But he didn’t say anything. Its almost as if he expected it. It didn’t seem like anything in particular had happened, until I got dinner. I got everything I needed, then I stepped outside of the chip shop and there she was. His girlfriend. She dropped to her knees. I saw her step outside whilst I was in the chip shop still. She was looking for him – and then she found him – at – at her feet. She was crying. She was crying hysterically. He was bleeding hysterically. Can you do that? Bleed, hysterically? I don’t know but he was bleeding effortlessly. My body was numb. I didn’t know what to do, until our eyes met – I dropped everything in my hands and ran over to them. I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, but I didn’t know what to do. This kind of thing doesn’t happen here. It’s meant to stay as a warning in a movie but somehow its become part of everyday. It’s now part of my every day. I called an ambulance. The guy in the chip shop called the police and the people from the cinema and the shop man – shop keeper - they brought every type of first aid thing they could but he still bled like it was his life’s purpose. The girl she wouldn’t stop crying. She didn’t stop. She couldn’t. eventually the services that were called came – but he was giving up. The girl kept apologising and he – he wore the definition of fear in his eyes but spoke the words of acceptance., until – until he couldn’t speak anymore. Then I got up. I got up. With his blood on my shirt. I walked over to the chip shop – and I sat down – and I waited for my dinner a second-time round. Then I went home and I have been going back to that place in my mind everyday since. I can’t leave because – I see him all the time. I try to piece that moment when he was stabbed together but I can’t. There’s. Nothing. I’m sorry. I guess that’s why I’m here I need to know what happened. I need to know that this can’t happen. Not here. Not anywhere. But not here. Not where my niece walks the street. My mother. My sister. I need you to make sure it’s not them sitting here, a week or a month or a year from now. That they’re not scarred. That they won’t be able to eat, sleep or talk. Please, sir.”

“Thank you, for your statement Mr. Saunders. As you must know, Mr. Adams died on his arrival to the hospital. He lost too much blood, at the scene of the crime and his wound was simply too deep.” DC Meanders answers.

“What if I made over to there, quicker? Or if we had the right resources at the time? Or if I approached him whilst I was wasting time on my phone.” Devon enquires.

“There was nothing any of you could do, I’m afraid and if you approached him as you said, there wouldn’t be anyone to give us an additional statement to help us find the people who did this to Mr. Adams as there would be two dead bodies instead of one. These people kill anyone affiliated with the crime scene, old or young. Black or white, there is no loyalty. There’s life or death. There was no sound made, you say?” The DC responds.

“Yes.” Devon replies.

“That’s how ruthless they are. You’re not a coward or anything else that you may think, so Mr. Saunders stop beating yourself up in your mind because you’re alive. Take your piece in this tragic story and do what you need to do with it but stop with the blame. You’re young so go and live your life.” DC Meanders explains,

“Thankyou, but Kenny was young too. He was a year older than me. I knew him, we played ball together when we were younger, so I’m sorry too because I can’t not take the blame, respectfully if that’s how you guys operate, not taking the blame then why are you in the profession? You’re supposed to protect us, but we’re dying. I’m sorry, can I go now?” Devon responds frustrated.

“Meeting adjourned at 18:47”

Devon collects his belongings and makes his way to the front of the station where his mum is waiting with his coat. DC Ferdinand make his way to the front of the station where he meets Devon and his mother, “Devon. Thank you, for your statement. You put yourself at risk. That’s what we do, we put ourselves at risk for you.” DC Ferdinand says.

“The army puts themselves at risk for us. I’m a 16-year-old boy. You’re 25 at least, you have all the means to protect us, all I have is a kitchen knife and if we can’t have faith in you. We have faith in ourselves. Also, don’t thank me, thank my mum. She put me at risk. She put her only son at risk because of the faith she has in you. Please make sure she doesn’t regret that risk, for a system that doesn’t necessarily prioritise her. Anyways you’re not solely to blame, everyone has their own personal part in the worlds destruction. Just don’t try and normalize it because it’s something that shouldn’t be normalized. You don’t have you be a robot to do this job. We’re all afraid.” Devon passionately answers.

“Thank you. You’ve raised a noble boy here, Ms. Saunders.” DC Ferdinand responds with a grin.

“So, have all the other mothers. Their sons just got lost at the wrong end of the system. Blind loyalty. Thank you, officer. Good evening.” His mum declares.

“No, thank you.” He takes off his hat and holds it under his underarm. “Good evening.”

Devon nods his head and they leave the station. “So, are you ready?” His mother asks.

“Let’s make a quick stop first.” Devon replies.

They stop off at Papa Johns and make their way back home to pick up some home cooked foods and then hop in a cab on their way to the hospital. Once arriving to the hospital, they make their way up to the room where Kenny is laying. Attached to machines. With his mother and his family sitting alongside him. They stand at the entrance of the room. Devon knocks. “Hi, Mrs. Adams. I know that food is probably the last thing on your mind, which is why be brought it. You’re probably not interested in eating but its here anyways, for the children. We stopped at Papa Johns and got the Kenny special. I know, I probably shouldn’t have, but I thought it would bring you some sort of comfort. I’m sorry –.” Devon mutters.

“Barbara, we’re so sorry for your loss. Kenny was such a great kid. He didn’t deserve this.” She moves into the room towards Kenny’s mother. She kneels by her chair. “Look at me.” Barbara avoids eye contact with Ms. Saunders. “Barbara, look at me. Look at me Barbara.” Barbara forcefully looks at Ms. Saunders. “It was not your fault. Do you hear me? And that girl sitting outside, she loved him. It doesn’t compare to how much you loved him. It’ll never to compare to a mother’s love, they’ll never understand that but she loved him. That’s what matters isn’t it. That’s all we ask for. That our children love and are loved. Kenny was loved and he loved her. So, it’s not her fault either. There was nothing anyone could do and that hurts. They don’t realise how much that hurts. They think that’s supposed to give us comfort. You can only find comfort in the love Kenny had for you. He had so much love for you and I think – I think if you get to know her, you’ll realise he found someone who reminds him exactly of you, because he loved you. Come here.”

She grasps Barbara and hugs her, Barbara breaks into tears and cries uncontrollably, “He was my son – they took his life like he was less than that – less than human – and they left him for dead. He was – he was – he just went out to watch and movie – and now – and now – here he is – dead! My son is dead! Because of who? Because of what? I can’t – I can’t -.”

“Mrs. Adams – he was strong. He was brave. I think he knew – he knew he was dying – but he stayed strong because of you. You did that. You kept him comfort when he was dying, even though you weren’t there, you were always with Kenny and Kenny’s – he’s always with you. He’s always with all of us.” Devon says in an attempt to bring her comfort.

Barbara grabs onto Devon and hugs him for comfort, whilst looking at him and bawling. “Thankyou” She whispers, “For all that you did, all that you’ve done. I know – don’t think I don’t know – because I do – so thank you”.

Devon finally lets out the tears he’s been holding back for the past 4 days, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Shhhhh. We’re going to be strong soon, okay? But for now, we can fall apart. So, my son, don’t ever apologise to me again. You were not the one. We thank God for that. Let us thank God for that. You didn’t kill him either. Remove that though from your mind and never let it return.” She sobers up from her crying and rubs his arm. “Now go and get for me that girl outside.”

Devon exits the room, wiping his tears, and goes to find Kenny’s girlfriend who is sitting opposite the room by the lift. “Hey.” He lets out softly.

She looks up at him slowly, with remorse but also gratitude. “Thank you – “

“I’m sorry – “ They both let out at the same time.

“Why are you apologising?” She asks.

“I was there. I should’ve known better. Seen better. I should’ve saved him, maybe then you wouldn’t have found him like that.” Devon answers whilst avoiding eye contact.

“it honestly. it had nothing to do with you. It was nowhere, near your fault. It was mine.” She responds remorsefully.

“What do you mean?” Devon questions.

“The boys… the boys who did it… I know them. I knew them. They’re a gang. They’re my ex’s gang. I don’t even think I can call him an ex, just someone I used to talk to. Until I wasn’t interested in talking to him anymore. Until I met Kenny. Kenny and I had been talking for 5 months. I met him 4 months after I stopped talking to Kane, his name was. Me and Kenny had been together for 6 months.” Her face lights up and then darkens in the space of five seconds. “He has been sending Kenny threats. He had been. I’m sorry, I’m just getting used to that. Until that night when I realised they were no longer threats, because he killed him. I killed Kenny.” She explains.

“Does she – does Mrs. Adams know?” Taken back, Devon responds.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m out here. I’m not allowed anywhere near him. She blames me too. So, if you need someone to blame, you’ve got me. It’s easier.” She replies with tears in her eyes.

“Nah. Kenny, he knew about the threats but still he – he went out. Kenny loved you, that’s why he went out. He went out with you. You weren’t to know. And if not Saturday, they would’ve got him another day but he didn’t care because he loved you. That’s why you went out. That’s why he didn’t break up with you. That’s why he left before you. To protect you. His love for you, made him brave. So, use your love for him in the same way. Be brave in all that you do. You already have been. Reporting the boys and taking responsibility for it all in front of his mum. It wasn’t your fault. You know that. Kenny knew that. His mum knows that. The police know that. Believing that it is, isn’t going to help you. It’s going to destroy you.” Devon explains, now making eye contact with her.

“And you?” she asks with her voice breaking.

“I’ve got to start taking my own advice, I guess. It’s pretty hard. But anyways, Mrs. Adams wants to see you so are you coming in?” he holds out his hand. “I’m Devon, by the way.”

“Tyla.” She takes his hand, and rises from her seat. They both make their way into the room, Devon stands to the side with his mum and Tyla stands in the doorway of the room.

Barbara makes her way to the doorway and a tear rolls down her cheek as she hugs Tyla tightly. “I’m so sorry.” Tyla cries out, unable to keep her tears in.

“No. No, no, no. “ She lets go of Tyla and holds her in front of her. “Like I’ve just said to Devon and like Ms. Saunders has said to me.” She looks over at both of them and nods her head for assurance. “It’s not our fault. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, that I told you that it was. It was wrong of me, nothing excuses it. All I can say is thank you, thank you for loving my son. Thank you for being with him in his last moments. Thank you for saving him.” Barbara pronounces with appreciation.

“But I didn’t –. “ Tyla responds with confusion

“Yes, he is dead but it doesn’t mean you didn’t save him. Believe me you saved him and a lot of other young men by turning in those murderers.” She says with some fibre of peace in her body.

“I - loved – him.” She blubbers.

“Now what do we do?” Devon asks. “Surely, this can’t be it. How do we move on? How can we move on?”

“I wish I knew. Devon. I wish I knew. I wish my son would raise from the dead, to tell me how to go on with this unbearable loss but nothing.” Barbara speaks whilst in unbearable pain. “An act of five seconds took away a good thirty or forty years of my son’s life. I don’t know how to come to terms with that. But we do it together. We’ve got to do better. No more ignorance. No more. Not around here, this is our home. Young boys killing young boys, this is not going to become our reality because now Kenny’s just one of many.”