March 25
My love,
Or should I call you my ex?
It’s been exactly 24 hours of our break up. Or I should say mine, since it was not mutual. I don’t know why I still want to communicate with you. It hurts though. Staying away from you and now you have added to this distance. Do you think I can ever cross this? All hopes are lost, the feeling that you’d ever come back is gone. The morning was so dull. It was hard to grasp onto reality. But time passed. Yet it stopped at this moment, when I was in the shower and you had called to end things. Wish I hadn’t picked up that call. Wish I hadn’t said stuff I said the night before.
Maybe we could have lasted another month or so?
I stayed under the shower for long today and cried. Cried so hard and yet not a sob could be heard. Nobody could listen to what I was going through.
I wish I did this with you too. Not tell you my problems, not let you listen to me cry. Not be dependent on you.
I always found letters to be the best form of communication. It could take a day or two to reach you. And my emotions are out in the light too. And I don’t have to be in direct contact of you, which I so wish we did, stay in direct contact that is. All this wouldn’t have happened. It tears me up, to even think of all those perfect moments we shared with each other whenever we could meet. That is the kind of love everyone craves for and we had it. Why did we have to throw it away?
Distance makes the heart grow fonder they said. When did it turn to contempt?
There are so many things I wish I could change. Including this break up. And all the wrong things we said to each other. All the misunderstandings. All the warped perceptions about each other.
It’s not your fault. You did what you did was right. For the both of us. Because the decision couldn’t be taken by me. I would have dragged this relationship into the dumps, trying to save it every time.
Maybe we actually weren’t supposed to be together. We did defy all the odds and all the stars though. Nature had to come back at us. But why is that only one of us is severely wounded?
This heartbreak is worse. Everything pains. I really hope nobody ever has to go through this ever.
Neither you in future.
Maybe I wasn’t the best lover you could ever get.
Truly,
Me.
