Brain XP

The term “Brain Expanded”, or ”Brain XP“, perfectly depicts the growth experience of this young author. As she describes her early challenges in overcoming her fears, injuries and tumultuous moods, the reader can feel her determination, resilience, and growth in the face of adversity from an early age. She turns her own experience of struggling to understand herself into an example for others to learn from and at the same time develops her creative potential through media, poetry, music, writing, and advocacy as a means to cope. Christine’s journey demonstrates an incredible resilience and self-awareness that has helped to unleash an amazing talent for helping others through her art. Rather than hide, isolate, and feel embarrassed, she tackles stigma head on. She embraces the challenge to educate and lead by example. What began as a simple You Tube video to explain her diagnosis to friends and family developed into moving poetry, musical performances, collaborations with other artists, her own book at age sixteen, and opportunities to advocate for others across the country.

Christine’s intimate experience with mental health issues also exemplifies the importance of community outreach and education regarding early identification of mental illness in youth. Early recognition of warning signs by family, friends, teachers, and clergy can assure young people get the help they need and perhaps prevent some of the devastating consequences of emerging mental health issues. With proper diagnosis, treatment, and ongoing support from mental health professionals, family and friends can assure the young person finishes school, thrives socially, and goes on to find his or her passion in life. May we all learn from Christine and her story!

Kristin Cadenhead, M.D.

Professor of Psychiatry, University of California San Diego

Dr. Cadenhead is Director of the Cognitive Assessment and Risk Evaluation (CARE) Program, UCSD; Medical Director of the Mental Health Primary Care Clinic, Veteran Administration Medical Center; Associate Residency Training Director, Department of Psychology, School of Medicine; and Clinical Foundations Director, School of Medicine.

What is Brain XP?

True passions can be hard to find. I have been fortunate enough to have developed interests in life that led me to realize my passion when I was thirteen years old. The insight came to me in a single moment of extreme frustration. I was getting ready to walk my dog, Sparky, with my mom. I could not face the fact that I had experienced psychosis and never anticipated that later I would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I never shared my real diagnosis with anyone because I was afraid they would look at me differently or treat me unkindly. Well, almost never. I told a girl one time that I had been diagnosed as bipolar. The first thing she did was take a huge step back and start walking away. It was then I realized what “stigma” is. I just could not believe I was the victim of it. The emotional impact of this memory will always stick with me.

As I tied my shoelaces and put the leash on Sparky, it hit me. I am not my diagnosis. I am not going to be labeled. My diagnosis does not define me. I am my own person. As Mom and I started out on our walk with the Sparkman, I spoke my mind. I told my mom that people experiencing mental health issues are not crazy. We are simply different. I told her we need to think of a better way to talk about mental illness and mental health in general. I was fed up with the stigma, the bullying, and the ignorance.

I’ve always believed that I was put on Earth for a reason. I’ve made massive mistakes and my path in life has not always been clear. Deep inside, though, I’ve always known I have purpose. That is when Brain XP was born. During our walk, Mom and I brainstormed different ways to talk about people who experience mental health struggles and Brain XP was by far our best idea.

Brain XP stands for Brain Expanded, and that is exactly how I feel mental illness should be described. People who have mental disorders are most often extremely creative and insightful in many ways. Our brains are expanded. I have seen things and heard things that make it seem like I am crazy. The truth is the rest of the world will never see or hear the things that my brain has allowed me to experience. We are all different, so no one should ever feel ashamed.

Brain XP may sound like a silly term my mom and I created out of annoyance and irritability on a twenty-minute dog walk, but it has come a long way. I would have never imagined that this silly term would give me the hope to move past my difficulties, but it has.

My life is real. I am meant to be here. I know that. I am not telling my story to prove anything to anyone. Advocating is my passion, and the only reason I’m sharing my story is in hope that it might help you.

Want to Know More About the Brain XP Community?

My Brain XP Friends—Brain XP is a community I created which is dedicated to ending the stigma toward other teenagers who have mental challenges such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Each of these brain disorders may include symptoms of psychosis if inadequately treated or left untreated. Psychosis is a serious and ugly set of symptoms that only make your life more confusing, scary, and painful. You will learn more about psychosis as you read about the psychotic symptoms I experienced.

The “Brain XP” education approach includes using contemporary music, books, videos, social media, and public speaking that are designed to reach out to teenagers worried about their mental health and to show them they are not crazy nor are they alone. Before each chapter, you will see the song lyrics of my ten songs on the music album that will be released with this book. The lyrics are the cover page to the chapter that was inspired by that particular song. Reading the lyrics first may give you a preview of the chapter and help you understand why I say our brains are unique, and they are EXPANDED (XP)!

Our brains are expanded to:

Think with enhanced creativity.

Reason with increased empathy.

Reflect with superior insight.

Why is it helpful to think of the brain of a person struggling with a brain disorder as EXPANDED? Because in our struggle and recovery from the pain, confusion, fear, and loneliness, we learn many difficult life lessons and grow to understand ourselves better. We can take those lessons and empower each other to encourage all struggling teenagers to join us in Brain XP and help bring more education, understanding, and acceptance to the world about the authentic reality of mental illness.

Creating Brain XP has been an incredible experience. The whole process took an immense amount of hard work, but I learned so much that every moment spent was worth it. I created Brain XP to help myself, but more importantly, I created it to help others. I hold a special place in my heart for teenagers struggling with mental health disorders because I am one with you.

Please know that anyone can be a part of the Brain XP Community—NOT just struggling teens. Supporters, family members, friends, teachers, therapists, and people looking for more knowledge, on a topic that is often frowned upon, can be Brain XP. The list extends to everyone in this world with an open heart and open mind to understand these illnesses and fight the stigma surrounding them. ANYONE can be a part of the Brain XP Community. Everyone is welcome. Please join me!

Christine XP

Get to Know Me

Verse 1

stayed up late tryna write this song

but it’s you who puts me in the zone

but I don’t got a chance

cuz they say that she’s just the crazy girl

you don’t even want her in your world

she’s worthless (I wish I would just say)

Pre-Chorus

ooh don’t you do it don’t you do it

spittin all the hate like that

ooh don’t you do it don’t you do it

why don’t you just take it back

Chorus

Get to know me

givin you a chance to see

that if you get to know me

I’m not the person I’m made out to be

Verse 2

I don’t need to defend myself

your words are burning hell

and I can’t stop you

if I could I would baby dear

cuz it’s becoming so very clear that

help is something you refuse (I wish I would just say)

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

I’m Brain XP

Get To Know Me

Verse 1

stayed up late tryna write this song

but it’s you who puts me in the zone

but I don’t got a chance

cuz they say that she’s just the crazy girl

you don’t even want her in your world

she’s worthless (I wish I would just say)

Pre-Chorus

ooh don’t you do it don’t you do it

spittin all the hate like that

ooh don’t you do it don’t you do it

why don’t you just take it back

Chorus

Get to know me

givin you a chance to see

that if you get to know me

I’m not the person I’m made out to be

Verse 2

I don’t need to defend myself

your words are burning hell

and I can’t stop you

if I could I would baby dear

cuz it’s becoming so very clear that

help is something you refuse (I wish I would just say)

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

I’m Brain XP