I
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young woman in possession of great intellect, timeless beauty and undoubted kindness must be in want of a suitable husband before she turns 27 years old.
Uhm, yeah right. If we are still stuck in the 18th century, I guess. It’s already 2017, and saying this out loud would gain you death glares from feminists and other women who value their career more than finding their betrothed.
Unless, however, your mother is Karina Zavalla, in which case she is very determined to find you a Perfect Husband™ who will, and I quote, “provide you with a life that never requires you to lift a finger! A handsome guy who’s to give you the whole world in a snap! Dapat package yan: gwapo, matalino at mayaman! Don’t settle for anything less, my dears!”, goodluck sa ’yo.
Geez, I get the don’t settle for anything less shit, pero ang magpakasal ka bago ka mag-27 years old? Pipiliin ko ang love life over my burgeoning career? Uh no thanks, I’ll pass.
Hah, ang dami kong reklamo pero kahit anong gawin at sabihin ko, ayan pa rin ang magiging ending ko. No, I’m not one of Karina Zavalla’s (some may say unfortunate) daughters, but she’s my aunt and one of my legal guardians, so there’s no escaping this ridiculous fate. Luckily, I still have seven years to get out of this marriage fiasco. I don’t know how the hell I will pull this resistance thing off, but hey, there’s no harm in trying. Actually, sinisimulan ko na nang ipagdasal na sana magising sa katotohanan si Momsy at hindi na kami hanapan ng Perfect Husband™.
At kung magigising man siya sa katotohanan, sana mangyari na ’yon ngayong gabi. Divine intervention lang ata ang sagot para mapigilan si Momsy sa kagagahan na ginagawa niya ngayon sa pinsan kong si Joji.
“Come on, Kata, it’s not that bad,” Joji reprimanded me when I told her about my daily prayers for Momsy. “Alam mo naman yang si Momsy kapag excited. She can be a little bit—”
“Little bit? Saang banda? Joj, come on,” I said, almost jumping out of my chair in frustration.
She put down her black hair curler and turned to me, frowning slightly. “Katja…”
“Aggressive? Yes, totally. Atat? Sobra. Parang si Cupid na laging high on caffeine? Definitely YES.” I paced around in my tiny bedroom like a lunatic. “Kasal ni Adele ngayon tapos kung anong kalokohan na naman ang pinlano niya. Medyo wala na sa lugar.”
“Kata, sit down. Magugusot yang damit mo.”
“I really don’t care about my dress, Joj.” With a deep sigh, I threw myself on my bed and rolled over like a child having a tantrum. “Ikaw ba, hindi ka man lang concerned sa mangyayari mamaya?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Joji blinked at me twice. “I am concerned, but seriously, do you think it’s gonna be that bad? We’ve been through this before. It’s not like I’m gonna get married later.”
“Hindi ka sure dyan. You know Momsy and her elaborate plans.”
“Hay naku, Kata. Don’t worry about me, okay? Come on, get up. Pa-plantsahin ko na yang dress mo. You shouldn’t go to a wedding wearing that.”
“Ate Joji! Can I borrow your highlighter? Binasag kasi ni Katja yung akin, eh! Wait can I enter— OH MY GOD KATJA!!! MY EYES!!!!”
And now my younger cousin, Lucci, burst through my room while I was removing my dress. Really, I should learn to lock my door at all times.
“Hoy ang OA mo ha,” sabi ko sabay suot ulit ng damit ko. Kung makapagtakip kasi siya ng mata parang ikabubulag niya na makita ako na naka-underwear. “At hindi ako ang nakabasag ng highlighter mo, okay? Tinabi ko pa ’yon sa cabinet nang hindi basag. Blame Momsy, not me.”
“Ah basta! Palitan mo ’yon!”
“Oh shut up, Lucci. I didn’t even use it! You know I don’t like wearing makeup. Pabili ka na lang kay Popsy ng bago.”
“So ayaw mo talaga ha?” Lucci got this look on her face, one I know all too well. “What if sabihin ko kina Popsy na ikaw ang nakabasag nung dalawang paso sa garden? Kawawa tuloy yung pusang ligaw na walang malay. Accused of a crime she didn’t commit.”
My god, the drama! Ganyan talaga si Lucci, namana ang dramatic tendencies ni Momsy. She’s also hyperactive, noisy and very annoying. And as the baby of the family, she always gets her way.
“Girls, come on! Quit it. We don’t have much time.” Joji pulled out her big-sister gun and the stern voice that shut us up. “Kata, alam ni Popsy na ikaw ang nakabasag ng mga paso so umamin ka na, okay? He’s not mad at you. Just explain to him what happened. And Lucci, sa ’yo na lang yang highlighter ko. Bibili na lang ako ng bago sa kapag nakasweldo na ako.”
“Yaaaay thanks, Ate Joji!” Lucci squealed in delight as she grabbed Joji’s high end highlighter on my vanity mirror. “OMG MAC pa ’to! Yay high end makeup!”
I shot Joji a look but she didn’t notice. Hay, ilang buwan din niyang pinag-ipunan yang mga high-end makeup niya tapos ibibigay lang niya basta-basta kay Lucci. Maliit na nga ang sweldo niya bilang research associate sa university at napupunta pa sa graduate studies niya ang kalahati no’n. Minsan na nga lang siyang bumili para sa sarili tapos iba pa makikinabang. At hindi pa siya manghihinayang sa pagbibigay niya ha! Ganyan kabait si Josephine Zavalla.
Sometimes, Joji’s extreme niceness makes me wanna puke. I’d like to think this is just her defense mechanism for being branded as the beauty and brains. Ewan ko ba, si Joji ’yong type na gusto mong kainisan pero hindi mo magawa kasi ang sarap ng baked goods niya at magaling magmasahe.
Actually, during my first year living with them, my teenage rage focused on hating my cousins: Joji for being the Perfect Girl (beautiful, smart, well-liked by her peers – a ray of sunshine personified), and Lucci for being happy, carefree and generally getting whatever she wanted. Ang petty ng mga dahilan ko but you have to understand that I’m the new kid – an adopted one pa – and I’m 13 years old! The awkward phase was very confusing and tiring.
My annoyance with Joji only lasted for a day because she made me cinnamon pancakes after having my first menstrual cramps EVER.
Pero kay Lucci? Still ongoing.
Once Lucci was done doing her makeup magic on us, we all went downstairs to face Momsy’s meticulous inspection. Ganito ang routine namin kapag may pupuntahan kaming event na may possible sighting ng Perfect Husband™ candidate: she’ll double check our clothes and makeup; kapag ayaw niya, palit agad ng damit. Dapat laging no makeup makeup look daw para mas lumitaw ang Gandang Zavalla. Ang dami pang reminders: smile always! How will a guy approach you kung ang sungit mong tignan? Be engaging! Don’t scare off potential boyfriends! Be lively! Remember: small talk is important!
I’m already used to her exaggerated inspection— sa halos every month ba naman kaming may pinupuntahan na event—but tonight, Momsy was stricter and harsher. Pinabawasan niya ang makeup ni Lucci dahil “we’re going to a wedding, not a Halloween party, darling”. Ako naman, pinag-initan niya ang gusto kong damit at sinabihan pa na “plantsa ang hahabol sa ’yo mamaya imbes lalaki! Hala, Katja! Magpalit ka sa taas! Ngayon na!”
At kay Joji? Wala na siyang nasabi kundi “Oh my god my baby looks so gorgeous! You might even outshine the bride! I can feel it na, Joji. Tonight’s your lucky night! Tell me you’re excited to meet Irving Villarosa. Aaahhh my future son-in-law finally!!!”
Honesty time: kahit inaanak ni Popsy si Adele at close kaming mga Zavalla sa mga Luz (daddy ni Adele ang current Chancellor ng university kung saan kami nag-aaral at nagta-trabaho sina Momsy at Popsy), hindi ang kasal ang priority ni Momsy ngayong gabi. Her Perfect Husband™ radar is on full red alert for her new target: Irving Villarosa.
Kasalanan kasi ’to ni Lucci. Three weeks ago, on a Tuesday, binalita niya kay Momsy na meron daw papasok na bagong Economics professor sa university. Momsy was surprised; naturingan na isa siyang HR admin officer ng university pero hindi dumaan sa kanya ang balitang ’yon. Come Wednesday that week, umuwi siya sa bahay na tuwang-tuwa, with matching tears pa. Apparently, pinahinalungkat niya sa isang HR amiga niya ang application form and documents nung new professor at nagulat sa dalawang nalaman niya: 1) Irving Villarosa went to school with Gibson, Adele’s fiance, and 2) Irving’s father and Chancellor Luz are kumpadres.
Okay. Gibson went to Columbia. Therefore, this Irving guy went to Columbia. And most of Chancy’s friends invited to the wedding are filthy loaded, and that includes the Villarosas.
When Momsy found this out, Irving Villarosa instantly became her Number One candidate for the Perfect Husband™.
For the past two weeks, Momsy had been so obsessed with meeting this Irving Villarosa and parading one of us in front of him. Ilang beses na niyang sinubukang hanapin sa faculty room ng Economics department pero mailap ito. Gusto niya munang makasigurado na gwapo ang kanyang future “manugang”. Si Popsy na walang interest sa mga pakulo ni Momsy, dinamay pa. She’d kept on pestering him to introduce us to Irving. Kesyo ’yon na lang daw ang maitutulong ni Popsy sa naghihingalong love life ng mga anak niya.
Kaya noong binanggit ni Popsy na invited si Irving Villarosa sa wedding ni Adele, halos magpa-fiesta siya. She went from “Your Popsy is the main reason none of you girls will ever get married! My poor babies!” to “I have the best and most perfect husband in the world!” That’s not all: out of her desperation to meet this Perfect Husband™ candidate, Momsy used her connections to add three more invites to the wedding.
And here we are now, panicking like the world’s ending.
Sa aming lahat, si Popsy lang ang pinaka-chill. Tahimik lang siyang nakaupo sa favorite chair niya sa sala, habang nagbabasa ng dyaryo. Himala ngang nagsuot siya ng suit ngayon; he hated those “fancy things”. Lumalayo raw siya sa totoong image niya na pinaka-badass professor sa College of Forestry na laging naka-band shirt at jeans pag nagtuturo ng klase.
“Kata?” he called, motioning me to come near him. “Paluwagan nga nitong necktie ko. Itong si Momsy mo gusto ata akong sakalin eh.”
Hay finally, a breather from the craziness. Wow ha, ang higpit nga ng pagkakagawa ni Momsy. “So, ipapakilala mo nga kami mamaya dun sa Irving, Paps?” I asked as I helped him fix this necktie.“Maybe.”Of course, Momsy heard that kahit nasa may kusina sila ni Joji. She suddenly became hyper aware whenever someone mentioned Irving in this household.“Hay nako, Enrico. Dapat lang ipakilala mo kami kay Mr. Villarosa. Stop meddling with your daughters’ love lives! Don’t sabotage their chances of getting married! They’re not getting any younger! Gusto mo bang sumpain ang panganay mo, ha?”I steered away from Momsy’s vision before rolling my eyes. She’s a raging ball of stress and frustration right now and I have no plans to face her wrath.“Paps, thanks for sabotaging my love life. Please save Joji later, please?” I said, sitting on the arm of Popsy’s chair.He lifted himself out of his chair with a sigh. “I’ll do my best, sweetheart.”
Si Iriving pa rin ang bukambibig ni Momsy hanggang makasakay kami sa kotse. Oh god, she doesn’t even know this guy! Sige na, everything about him seemed perfect. Paano pala kung swapang siya? Playboy? O sobrang conyo at elitista na maghahanap ng Uber dito sa bundok para lang lumipat sa kabilang side ng campus? Paano kung sasaktan lang niya si Joji? Itong si Momsy, basta maganda ang credentials sa CV at mayaman, pasado na sa kanya bilang manugang.
UGH.
I love being a Zavalla. I really do. I’m grateful na sa lahat ng mga kamag-anak ko, ang pamilya nina Popsy at Momsy ang kumupkop sa ’kin noong namatay si Lola Dolly six years ago. Never nilang pinaramdam sa ’kin na iba ako sa kanila, lalo na si Joji. Binigyan nila ako ng sarili kong kwarto, sinunod ang kakaunti kong luho, at pinag-aaral sa isa sa premiere universities ng bansa. I couldn’t ask for more.
Pero, may mga pagkakataon na minsan ayoko na maging Zavalla. Hindi dahil sa napaka-OA ng matchmaking skills ni Momsy, o dahil sa napupuno ako sa ka-epalan ni Lucci. Okay, connected siya somehow kay Momsy. May mabigat na dahilan kung bakit super aggressive si Momsy sa love lives naming tatlo. Wish I could say na gusto lang niyang magkaroon agad ng apo o ayaw niya kaming tumandang dalaga.
Believe it or not, marriage is the only way to spare the three of us from the Zavalla family curse.
