MAY 16

I am not a Backpacker®.

I only signed up for this trip because I am tired of life.

I am tired of being alive. I actually went on that trip hoping to die. Misadventure, murder, animal attack… Anything! I am ready to die, I do not mind using the entire pack of prescription sleeping tablets I had stashed away. That is once my mind gets made up.

Mayo Kam.

River Kam.

Yes, ‘Mayo’ means ‘river’.

It has waters that are deep, clean and cold.

We got lectured by the park rangers; we learned that a tourist fell in and drowned about a year ago. I so wished it had been me!

Listen, Mayo Kam is an excellent place to camp. Try to go during the dry season, when the rains have stopped. That is when the waters have shrunk and left more sand and land in its wake. There is no mobile service in the Gashaka Gumti Game Reserve. If you are Nature’s kid, you have a home there. It is stunning, it is amazing. It is beautiful place, it is pure haven that we found unsullied by civilization.

We were eleven Backpackers in all. Two well armed park rangers and four local fishermen that met up with us by the camp site.

Leinad, Raj, Rebecca, Henry, Bashiru, Noorah, Joanne, James, ‘Long John’, Sarai…and I, Enez. Eleven people with diverse experiences in life. We were all from different countries and in my opinion, blessed with excellent character. There could never be a dull moment with the Backpackers. Yet I was dead inside.

I was not sure of the time, but I was positive that the day was Saturday. For two reasons: - to begin with, there was going to be a Super moon tonight, and a lunar eclipse of some sort. Finally and more definitely today was to be my wedding day.

Cards printed. Venue paid for. Ivory white sleeveless wedding gown bought. Everyone that knew me in any capacity was aware.

And why not; I was twenty five years old; I was in love with the only man I gave my spirit, soul and body to. He knew that even Jesus took a back seat when he arrived.

In spite of all that and more, this husband-to-be of mine called off our wedding. You see mandatory blood tests his church had us take revealed that we were both HIV positive.

As in, why?! Who does that?!! He knew that he had infected me; I was his submissive in every sense of the word. I belonged to him in every way.

My mum so suffered a stroke. My dad tried to kill me twice. I tried to ‘kill me’ twice… I was the brunt of every joke and an object of pity and ridicule. I was the subject of many unkind conversations. All these happened inside a week.

And so I fled with the Backpackers, to this remote and dangerous adventure, hoping I would die by my own hand or otherwise.

Leinad was making it hard though. To kill myself I mean or to even suffer injury for that matter. He was definitely interested in me. Men! They are so predictable; they would fuck anything given half the chance.

The fishermen we had hired met up with us. They arrived around six pm and immediately set about their business of catching fish for us. They set up about five hundred meters away, upstream. They brought their own gear and so ours was redundant. We, the female Backpackers, set about roasting some yam tubers. We also fried some tomatoes, onions and peppers to make a sauce for the yams and fish. I slunk away after a few minutes and somehow anchored three fishing hooks together. I found a spot on a boulder along the river and began to fish.

Leinad, my faithful and loyal admirer tarried beside me in a bid to get me to talk. That is until my dark mood forced him to seek lighter spirits. He joined the group by the large fire and soon forgot about me.

A short time later, I got a bite and reeled it in. It was an indigenous catfish species. It paled in comparison to the humongous sizes the fishermen were catching. So I killed it as my dad taught me years ago and decided to use it as bait. I had just tossed my line into the water when I got called to supper. I wedged the flexible but strong fishing rod in a two foot deep crevice, and left.

I woke up pressed sometime during the night. I needed to pee, but my sleeping bag was very cosy. Besides everyone, including the park rangers was asleep. I guessed that it was about midnight. It was pitch black outside the influence of the camp fire light.

One look at the sky decided me. I got up and walked towards the river and did my business in a hole I dug in the sand. I was rounding up when I heard something thrashing about in the water. I intuitively knew that my line had caught something big. I was up the boulder in a flash and back down with my fishing rod.

It is possible that all three hooks I used played a part in my catch. It is plausible that the crevice helped wear down the fish. It is not far-fetched to think that the super moon and its unusual brightness lured that fish from the deep.

It was the largest fish I had ever seen in my life! It was not a shark or anything predatory. The locals call it ‘water elephant’ or ‘Giwan Ruwa’ in Hausa.

It was beautiful. I was not afraid. Death by this fish if it could would be welcome anyways. So I darted knee deep into the cold and fast flowing water, dug my left hand into its gills and began pulling it ashore.

I came to pee in the bikini bottom of a two-piece swim suit, with a ‘hoodie’ over me and the bikini bottom. The rocks under the water were slippery and sharp. The humongous fish did not want to leave the water… I was almost drowning within seven minutes.

Whatever I lack as a woman; big boobs, bubble butt ET AL… came to my aid that night. I used all the six feet of lithe physiognomy I possessed to lever my catch out of the water.

The fish was only a little shorter than me. My left hand was still locked under its gills. But that hand was now numb. So I employed my right hand, pushed it under the gills on the opposite side of the fish’s head. I then anchored my feet in the sand and lunged, pulled and lifted in one explosive move.

I landed with a thump on my right side with the fish’s head between my thighs. Both my hands still gripping it vice-like... I remember the exhaustion! My breath was raggedy and laboured. I was wet and cold; I was shivering and shuddering – (from hypothermia, shock and excitement).

As I regained my breath, the fish too started to calm. My body started to warm up since I was outside the water. The fish was feeling warmer too.

But I knew that something was wrong… and so I pried off my cramped fingers and looked down at the fish.

It now had long hair and was a naked girl.

I could feel her cheeks on the insides of my thighs. I could feel her breasts on both sides of my right thigh.

I was by now hyperventilating in shock. But lactic acid had built up to the detriment of my muscles. Try as I did, I could not move.

And then she started convulsing; flopping about in a most unnatural way. I did not need telling, she was dying.

After great effort, I managed to sit up. I placed both of my hands on both her shoulders and began trying to push her back into the water. But the sand and my tired body impeded my noble intentions.

I began to weep. Not because of there and then, but because of before. I finally got to cry at the injustices, at the curse of being a woman in Africa, at being ‘the weaker sex’. I was so exhausted and tired on the inside and outside. All I could do was to keep stroking her hair and her back babbling, ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…’ over and over again.

I learned something that night; we are spirits and we live in physical bodies. At some point she stopped shivering and translated. I felt her leave. She was not her body, she was gone. Her body went limp, numb and cold. I saw her stand beside me wearing a look of slight confusion and wonder.

“Please, I didn’t mean to… I am so sorry!” Were my exact words to her?

She looked down at me for a while and then her beautiful face softened. She knelt beside me and then blew on my face, and then kissed my lips.

“Enez…baby girl… Wake up!”

“Did you frigging catch this behemoth?!” Leinad’s handsome face inquired in disbelief.

It was about dawn, not quite bright yet. I made him help push the fish back in the water. We watched it bob in one spot before it sank like a stone.

I started to shiver and hugged myself to keep warm. To my utter amazement, I was bustier! I groped my new and improved breasts in confusion. I looked up at Leinad and the look of pure lust on his face terrified and thrilled me.

I am no longer ill. I have not been ill since that day. Not a cold, a rash or a headache. I am at peace. I am now rich and I am wealthy. I am happy.

P. S: “Please, I didn’t mean to… I am so sorry!”