Shadows

Shadows

Mr. Hankins did never shut his eyes. That was what was believed by the children of the neighborhood. And everytime you moved past by his house the windows were open but no sound came out of the house. Mr. Hankins was long time believed to be a dead man because nobody saw him in the streets. But this changed one morning when little Tina sat on her little bycicle and saw Mr. Hankins coming out of his house, with a big chainsaw under his arm.

On the next day was Tina’s birthday party and all her friends were invited. Happy birthday would all scream and shout to Tina and she would feel so happy like a little princess. „Tina, I know we know eachother for so long time now, from school, from kindergarden, and I always wanted to say to you that I like you.“ Timmy made up to her and she blushed horribly. Afterwards they all had a big waterpistolbattle. The ones were the cats and the others the dogs, and the cats did steal the bone from the dogs, so the dogs went terribly angry over it and declared war to the cats. Tina was a child of whom one could say she was more involved with the story than with the action, and her team terribly lost against the dogs, so they regained their bone. „Isn’t it wonderfull to have them around.“ Jeffrey said, with his astonishing look and Tinas big black father Carl grinned over his whole face.

They stood aside all the trouble and drank their beers while the women were preparing the dishes.

„I remember when I was little“, Jack threw in, „it was such a big fun for us to go out stealing apples, since it was funny we all were all the time told to not steal the apples, but that is then what you extremely want to do, what you are told to not do.“

„Mama, mama, Charlene made another present to me. Look what a beautiful rose she had in her pocket.“ „Wow“, Simona responded to her daughter, and that she will bring the flower inside. All were happy on this day and no complaints came, from no side. The house of Mr. Hankins was quiet as all times.

In the evening, when the children went to bed the adults had wine and cheese, salads and fingerfood. „I don’t even know where I take all the courage from to make these,“ Alina said and Carla began to smile so relaxed that everyone who saw it immediately began to feel good and chilled. „Carl never does anything in the kitchen.“ - „I am a carpenter, why should I do things in the kitchen“, Carl said quickly. All began to laugh over this. The harmony of the whole was unbeatable.

Alina began a huge conversation on pricing of burgers in different restaurants and Simona decided to go upstairs again to look after the children, she is such a caring, wonderfull woman her man must think the whole day long.

The evening went by quickly and Carla left the others because she had no children there at the Baolas house. She also had to work this night, she did services for men in her free time. She never talked about it and it often really annoyed her to do it.

The next day.

„Where is Tina Carl?“ - „Tina is in school Simona.“

At work Simona was told what she showed would be amazing, she worked in an advertising company and had prepared all the stuff she was showing weeks before.

Carl at work:

Carl: „Boys you know I am old.“

Boys: „But you won’t leave us old man?“

Carl: „I am just going to keep it more quiet.“

Boys: „He wants to relax.“ - „Well, then we will let you relax old man.“

Tina was in school in her hiding place. That was what Simona believed, she believed Carl had said to her, she is at school, and as usual in her hiding-place. And Mr. Hankins, he went back into his dark territories like a mule.

In the evening Carla came by. She brought wine and they drank it up. She would never tell about her prostitution but always felt a little nervous about it.

Carl at work. Carl gets sick. He’s got to keep it very slow.

„Tina, Tina, are you there?“

The phone lies on the table and Carl is puking absurdly loud.

„You know my friend, Simona, he’s got a shrine for his mother.“

„The one you go fishing with?“

„That one, the one I’m gonna catch a shark with.“

Mr. Hankins chainsaw is heard in the whole neighborhood.

Simona:

Blue and red trafficlight yells over her face while she is sitting in the living room. The sound of crackers is four times louder than its sound compared to the sound of using the remote control. All is in a fade and to the surprise of Simona she sees clear Mr. Hankins face on the window. She falls for it, something attracts her to his smile and she forgets where she is. The next morning will come louder, raindrops start annoying her. Like earthquakes the steps of Carl.

He is carrying Tina in his strong arms down the stairs, her empty little children’s body in his strong heavy arms. A kiss, and also Mr. Hankins is forming a kiss. She gets nervous. The tv is loud. Mr. Hankins house seems to be the only idyll. She nearly screams. And everything rushs into a blackout.

Hey Tina, where are you happy?

Come on, tell her your little secret.

Carl is under the shower, he came earlier back home to do some calls. He is sick in the lungs and when he goes to bed all his thoughts are falling.

„Are you sure they don’t got extralarge burgers?“

„Pappy, pappy, care your health.“

„Such a fucking idiot.“ Simona is pissing off about the driver infront of her.

She comes back home with the packages of burgers, she has three packages.

Carla made extrahours. She comes over.

Sometimes she wants to talk about the prostitution.

„I think it’s just your idleness Carla...“, Carl nods.

„Ceasar was idle.“

„Wise men can be idle, the poor not, they will take everything twice.“

„For sure we have no rights to be idle.“

The conversation gets dark and shrimpy.

Simona telling Tina a good night story:

„In all her dreams Alice was big as a tree and she would rule out the queen of hearts in every game of cricket but for now, that she has been eating from the cake which made her shrink she is little and fears the needles of the hedgehog which transported her kindly could kill her. She first needs to find a way to become big again, big as she was, not bigger, not smaller – again Alice.“

Carls condition is getting bad.

„I am gonna take off work for a few weeks.“

„Hey mum, I can count till hundred.“

„You are such a big girl, come here!“

She is uttering this infront of the tv and Carl wraps his arms around her.

Work: „Mr. Baolo, if you worked like you did everything would be fine.“

Carl hears the sound of dishes breaking in the kitchen.

„It’s just I don’t want to wash all these dishes. Wouldn’t it be better we had a machine?“

„I told you before and I tell you now...“

„Before what Carl, before WHAT!“

Simona is awaiting Tina after school. „Mommy, mommy, I learned that there is a giant fungus in a park which is bigger than all other animals.“ - „Wow, darling, that is amazing, and can you remember which park it was, we could go look after it.“ - „No, I don’t remember, but it’s under the earth, so we won’t see it.“ - „Oh, - ok darling. Today we are going to have lunch with papa, are you happy over that, you like it?“ - „Yes mama, I always like it when papa is around.“

„What have you learned besides.“ - „I have learned that pride is not a stable feeling, and that it can easily be hurt by others or your own thoughtsystem.“ - „Oh, yea, that is why you always got to keep your mindset good, I know that from work, if my mindset is messed up I cannot write good advertisements.“

Lunch with papa Carl together.

Carla calls. The night came and nothing happened.

Simona recalls:

„No, he just stood there with his chainsaw.“ She repeated this often, and it was true, a chainsaw was found in Mr. Hankins house, but Tina was gone since he was gone.“

„Why won’t you write something about lazy jellyfishs which want to eat marmelade?“

„Come on Carl, I cannot concentrate. Because you have free time now you are allowed to joke?“

„I know well as you that she might never come back but police told me we got to keep humor.“

„Maybe it is a little too early for me to keep humor.“

„I understand you, I will let it be. I just hope that you can manage your job.“

„You mean because of all the nervous downbreaks. It’s ok, my boss understands it.“

„And he can’t miss you?“

„That’s it, he can’t miss me. When will you start back working?“

„I will try again next week.“

Carla called but no one was there. She called three times.

„Jeffrey you know we all know how much Timmy is missing Tina, but don’t you think you want a little too much from him, I mean if he can’t go any longer to school, why you don’t be fine with that?“

„I just don’t want him to throw away his life.“

„That’s a little too hard, don’t you think,“ Carl said to Jeffrey.

Simona started crying.

„Alina won’t you help?“

„We also got Miranda and Anthony, they are doing good in school.“

„And police really said you should give up for the first in finding her?“

„They said if he is acting like this he must be specialized, and they do not even really know if his name was Hankins.“

„That is so horrible. I really in the first instance ordered escort for my children to school.“

„She does not even allow them playing outside any longer.“

Simona cries over and over. The picture gets blurred and dark.

The carpenter Carl is back at work.

„Hey old man, you had enough free time?“

„Jep boys, I feel ready to do some wood.“

The one of the two younger men beats the one into the chest area. „He is fresh back, look after him, after a week he will say he is going to take vacation again.“

The boss is coming onto the scene and calms the two of them down.

„Please, you two, be very carefull with Carl, he has got bad family problems at the time. His child is missing.“

Momma, momma, I have picked flowers for you from the garden. Look how sweet they smell. Shall I pick some more for daddy. Would that be good, we could make

crowns out of them and we would arrange our own kingdom.

Simona is at the doctor.

„I just don’t know how to handle it. Always I get these flashbacks of her and then I look around and she is nowhere to be found. I just get angry over it and always get the feeling that I want to beat something.“

„Don’t worry Mrs. Baola, the medicaments I gave to you are very strong and they will start working within a few weeks.“

„But I don’t really feel that this solves my problem. Is there no chance in a succesfull psychotherapy?“

„We will try that, in many cases it really helps very good. Also your man should feel free to come.?

„He is occupied with too much work.“

„He should feel free to come, there is no need now to play the strong part in the relationship. You are both equally affected.

I will not try and kill you little girl. I will not hide and seek or swirl.

Carla called through and asked if she could come over. Before she had a client whose wish was to have a bag over his head during sex. She felt so awkward after it that she needed good friends to talk to.

Carl was upstairs doing some things in the bathroom, there was something to repair at the sink.

„You know how good the shrimps taste at Larry’s my dear, they newly opened. They are so super delicious, we ultimately have to try them there, are you in.“

Simona has cried before Carla came. Carl didn’t notice.

„Uhm, can you still manage to be happy in some way. I mean you mustn’t answer.

All went in a rush for Simona.

„I just feel that it is important to give you help in this heavy times. I mean, if I am not there, or Jeffrey, or Jack, who is then. We just gotta stick together and everything will solve.“

„But she ain’t coming back, and I am still asking my doctor every time if she will come back.“

„Don’t be that angry with yourself, it’s a fresh wound. It has not even been a few weeks. I cannot even imagine how you go on working and that you had the courage to see a doctor right away.“

„You didn’t come here to depress me. I know that.“

„Come on darling. You know I always said life is depressing.“

Simona laughs a little bit over that, although she still feels strange while she is laughing.

„My doctor says it is normal that I am curious about what he would do with her.“

„I also imagined all the horrors he would do to her now.“

Simona bursts out in crying.

„She is still alive.“

Carla takes her into her arms. Carl is sneaking onto the stairs but stays up to not disturb the both of them.

„You know our police makes such a good work, they will surely find her.“

„But must of the victims that are found are dead.“

„You cannot count on this. They know his automobile and many other things about this Mr. Hankins.“

„But they do not know enough. They told me: We do not know enough at the time to find her.“

„At the time darling, at the time.“

They are silent for a long time, after a while Simona decides to turn on sports in television.

„You will help me always?“

„Always my dear, you can count on this.“

„I just feel so alone. All the time. The storm wraps around me.“

„Don’t feel so. It is not your fault, you were a good mother. Who could have imagined.“

„We should have had been more suspicious..“

„Don’t...“

„NO, it’s true. Not every neighborhood is a calm and happy one.“

„You are right, but don’t blame yourself that often.“

Simona points at an ad and says how horrific she finds that one, and that she would like to get a hit like this.

„That is so amazing, how you still can be occupied with your work. It’s so amazing.“

„I have to work, even the doctor says it would be a false step to stop working.“

„Somehow. Means, that you would give in to the rapist.“

„Don’t remember me. I don’t want to know what is happening to her. I will focus on that later, for now I still want to wish that she is coming back as my Tina.“

My Tina:

„Tina, don’t run too far, you could fall into the water.“

„But mommy, all the children go into the water.“

„But we don’t want to stay here this long my little.“

„But I want to stay here so long, it is so wonderfull.“

„But mom will get angry,“ Carl shouts.

„But I will get more angry.“

„But mom is bigger than you.“

„But then I’ll eat my cake and be even more big.“

„Come here Tina, we will go in a few minutes.“

Simona faded for a while and Carl came downstairs. He is holding her from the back.

„Shall I better go Carl?“

„No, no way Carla, it’s all fine, that happens more frequently. You can stay here, you can even stay over night if you want to. Just if you don’t want to sleep alone this night, you are welcome.

„Thank you so much, I could need a warm sofa this night with good friends.“

„That’s alright Carla, I will fetch some wine immediately. Just care a while for her.“

Simona comes back to the scene.

„It is just my advertisements get worse and worse. I always think about rape and disaster, I cannot make any happy thing inside of them.“

„Isn’t that natural.“

„Would you act the same way?“

She catches herself. „Sorry, that is a stupid question. Really a stupid question.“

„No, in no way. I would be the same like you, even worse, I couldn’t even go on working.“

„Is there really help.“

Carl comes into the living room again.

„I think for now we will drink a little bit of wine and try to have a nice evening. It all will depend on how good the police is doing the job.“

„I think you will need a wonder.“

Simona starts crying and Carl fills up three glasses with wine to hand them to both of them, he drinks his in a rush and fills up again, he wants to drink it down again but stops.

„Carla, have you ever thought about getting children?“

„Not really, I do not think I ever really thought about it.“

„Is the game fricking?“

„We didn’t really watch it.“

Carl gazes at the television and the both of them do aswell.

„It’s rather a lame game.“

Mr. Hankins head is again at the window, he licks the glass with his tongue and his eyes are extremely big, Simona is in a blurr but as she suddenly looks up she sees it with one eye. He is wearing a policehat and doesn’t stop to lick the window as if he would want to lick through it.

Simona screams. She breaks the glass with her hands. Carl fetches something to dry everything.

Simona is at work:

„Is it that you are sometimes suffering from kakophonia Simona?“

„No, not really boss, why?“

„You are holding your hands to your ears very often, I just noticed. If you can’t go on working, just tell it to me. Your last idea with the jellyfishs was not too brilliant you know.“

„No, boss, everything is alright. I will just work harder and get my mindset stiffened.“

He smiles at her. „Then everything is good my little goldmine.“

She is always a little ashamed when he says things like this to her.

At the doctor:

„I mean, are we ready to forget who she was. At some point we will forget, and until then we will try to grab all the memory we have about her, and think oh god, how good it is that I am still alive.“

„I cannot understand you Simona but the medicaments will help against that. What is difficult is that you will at some point have to accept that she could be and is gone forever, that she will never come back.“

„I know doctor, I know all these irrationalities are not good for us, I know that, and police is telling us that we should not have that big hopes … I always imagine her in that little muddy pit and how he does everything he wants to do with her.“

„Let us not try to go into details here. I think the best way is here to act as if we don’t know. To keep the good memory we have, we do not want to identify with the rapist.“

„But how should I doctor, how should I?“

„That is, you have to find out with your man together. I cannot help you with that. Really not, as much as I would like to, but I am also no magician.“

„Mommy, mommy, let us go to the magician.“

„But that is the last excitement we are going to have for today.“

„Why did we look after that dancing ants?“

„Because your father said one wouldn’t see how they dance.“

„And you don’t see how they dance.“

„So, daddy is a clever man, isn’t he?“

„My pappy is the most intelligent.“

The nervous breakdowns of Simona worsen and worsen and also Carl has to fight with his anxieties. Everytime the police comes by they tell them that there is no sign that Tina might be alive. They have searched all the woods, but nothing, it even was televised, but nothing. The Baolas have to find peace with the fact that their daughter will probably never be found. That is what policemen say to them, and the medicaments did not even start to work in Simona. They try to not give up. Also at the Smiths house everything goes strange, little Timmy cannot write properly any longer and he does not seem to find a fixing point in life now that his big love is gone and off to be not longer living. He often remembers the talks they had and how they played together, and then he sits back in his bed and starts crying over all of this.

The new neighbor is Amanda, she is fearless.

„You don’t worry that a rapist lived in this house,“ Simona asked her when she brought cookies to them. „You know, because of that the house was really cheap for me, so I don’t really worry. I hope for good neighborhood.“ Simona thanked her well and invited her for the next week to come over for dinner.

When she didn’t have nervous outbreaks she would work on her advertisements to earn enough money. Carls state of health was worsening, so that he could no longer work full time. But his boss was very satisfied by his work so he got a little bit of extramoney, so that he earned nearly that much like the younger boys who were working with him.

Times went harder, it was now nearly one month, a little more that Tina was kidnapped. How fast everything is passing Simona thought while she was watching Amanda in her garden.

Jack came by this afternoon. Jack was always the one who would make everyone laugh, but these times he couldn’t make anyone laugh. He nevertheless told Simona a joke.

„How does a dog end a video he is watching on the internet?“

„I have no idea Jack!“

„He is pressing the paw button.“

„Hahaha, very funny my dear. Really, I find that one funny.“

„So, that’s good. I just wanted to come over to look after how you’re doing and I see you are not that bad off, aren’t you.“

„Well, it hurts, you know that. But I can maintain my job and Carls health, yea. It will fix.“

„I wanted to say that, it will fix, I think that will all go well.“

„So...“

„So, how is Timmy?“

„Well, Jeffrey brought him over once with the other two and he is now better than before. I think he found a psychiatrist with whom he can talk about everything. As hard as it is but Jeffrey said he has got to learn that this was not the big love of his life. And he nodded wild to this. He said he would go on, he will also go back into school soon.“

„Wow, that sounds like a tough conversation for you.“

„You know, I learned to handle it. I also feel that the medicaments maybe start to work.“

„Nevertheless, as if your daughter was just someone.“

„Yea, I guess that is what he has to learn for now, not someone, but that she was just a friend.“

„I understand. So, that’s all fine with you.“

„Yea, I can cope with it, I can handle this.“

„Shall I bring my lasagna next week. I think you told me that you had invited the neighbor and I just thought I could come too, and we have lasagna, you bring the drinks and we all have a fine evening, like always.“

„That sounds good Jack, so I don’t have to cook. Brilliant idea, thank you. Also I will not have the burden of the whole conversation on me.“

„Yea, I can imagine that is hard for you at the moment.“

„I did not try. The only one coming around was Carla, and then, yea. But you know how poor with words Carl can be.“

„He is a real man. They don’t need that many words or conversation. I bet we will find something nice to talk about.“

„No doubt on that. And the medicaments you are taking don’t interfer with your work?“

„Hardly.“

„That mean you still doing an amazing job there?“

„My boss still calls me his goldmine...“

„Tina, will we be together forever?“

„I can promise you Timmy, together forever.

„And if someone does harm to you, I will be there.“

The two of them looked closely at eachother, it was Tinas birthday, he had already his waterpistol in hand and was ready to shoot off, then she gave him a little kiss onto his cheek and he went all red in the face, the other guys would laugh at him. It was half a year before Tina disappeared and Carl always thinks he saw Mr. Hankins that day while he looked up from his big grill.

Carl at the doctor:

„I just think about it. Will we ever forget?“

„Sir, here is no need in forgetting, you need to learn to live with it. It will be hard all your life, you will never forget this. Never, never, never. I mean it was your daughter. I think this thought is what you must stick to, that it was your daughter, and that she now is probably not any longer your daughter. You will need to start your grief. If you don’t let your grief out it will eat you from the inside. The pain can cause even more damages in your whole bodysystem.“

Carl starts crying.

The week went on by and nothing too serious happened, Simona even had a little bit of succes at her job and was a little bit in a partymood for that, which Carl did not understand at all.

Every day he would call the police to ask if they had some news. He would call all newspapers of the country to ask them if they can take up a picture of Tina and that she is missing. He was desperately searching for any signs of hope, but there were none.

Amanda comes up for dinner.

As promised Jack brought a big lasagna for the four of them, so that they could have a very good dinner together. Carl started to cry over the lasagna because he would always watch Garfield with his daughter, he said it came just out of nothing. He wanted to leave the conversation all the time.

„This was such a good lasagna,“ Amanda stated after they had finished the lasagna.

„Thank you misses,“ Jack replied to her politely.

„You know what guys, I always now feel the creep of living in a place where someone planned that horrible thing that happened to your daughter. It really gives me goosebumps from time to time. The neighbors say they would have never seen the guy, they just all knew his big jeep, and besides this nothing else about him. It is so devastating, is that the right word. Is it appropriate. I mean, is anything appropriate in this situation.“

I’ll not break your bones, shiver, golden lips and frowns.

I″ll come deep inside your heart, give me all your little sparks.

„I mean is something appropriate in this situation. Could anyone handle it. I am getting freaked out and I am tough, but I am freaking out and I am just living where he lived.“

Carl stood up: „Let us just talk about anything else.“

Jack took the word: „Do you know that movie „the island“ guys. Inwhere the people are held in a skyscraper and they are told that everything is polluted and then two of them develop some other behaviours than the others and they break out and find out that everything is a big lie and there is this lottery which sends people to an island, one even says there is a code behind who is going to be the next winner for the island, and so one of the two finds out that these people who win the lottery are killed and they are just organ-objects for rich people who have a life-insurrancy. Does anyone know? It really freaked me out, this movie.“

„I think we all know,“ Amanda said.

„I don’t know it,“ Carl added.

„For sure, we have watched it together.“

„I mean, just imagine what the rich and famous could do with their money and then they would spend it on such a thing, it’s absurd. It really questions what value is to human life. The one who breaks out, he goes to the one who bought him, and they are identically and the man is also like, wow, I am standing next to my life-insurrance, but he is not like, that is a human being, he is like: fuck it, something went wrong in their system, why does this happen to me. Because for sure, he wants to live and does not want to give up living for a bred being.“

„The brood will be haunting you.“ Carl said to all this, just to end the discussion Jack wanted to start and Jack realizes that the discussion anyways would not lead any far.

„It is a question of what value we give to life.“ Amanda said.

„Just imagine a world in which just the courageous ones would be allowed to survive. It would be a good world but that is not natural selection, and in this scenery of the island those who are bad to themselves, and maybe did robber economy with their own body will have a sexond chance, just imagine if for example Steve Jobs would have had this opportunity.“

„In that world of the courageous ones you two would definitely be living.“

„I don’t know if that would be a world worth living in, and for example advertising would be much harder. Now I got that lot of diversity and if I just imagine a world without that it would be so hard to find people that get triggered by my advertising.“

„That’s a good point.“ Jack said

„I think also after Darwins theory the survival of the race would be at risk if we would perfectionize it. By the way, isn’t that all about eugenics and stuff – I know that thriller about it: the purple rivers.“

„Yea, the movie is about eugenics, and it is a radical form of eugenics which says that those with the good genes are allowed to do everything and, and they would not even harm others while doing so, in the contrary, they would still be harmed by others, no matter how much good they will give to society, that’s the whole tragedy of the movie.“

„It really left me with this sad and melancholic picture.“ Simona said harshly.

„Wow, you guys are really interested in a lot of things,“ Amanda said, „will you be wanting to come with me to a museum in near future, I am so longing to see some contemporary art next time.“

„For sure,“ Carl said for both of them.

„We will now have enough time.“

Police is calling through.

„Hello Mr. Baola, we have found a dress which could be the one of your daughter, please, if you would come by tomorrow.“ - „Thank you, Sir.“

He hanged up. „It was the police, they said they would have found a dress which could be Tinas.“

„That’s a good sign, isn’t it.“

„The doctor said we should not give too much hope into such things, they could be made on purpose by the abuser.“

„Nevertheless, it is a good sign, I would stick to that.“

„Shall we go,“ Amanda asked.

„No, don’t worry, we will finish the wine.“

Carla had a customer who would have been beating her, she called Simona the same evening all crying and made up a story about a date with some guy who treated her badly. Simona was always the one to give Carla strenght in these moments, and she thought that would never change.

At the policestation they found out that the police really did find the dress of their daughter, but it was far away, in texas and the policemen said it could not really help their search but that they know now that he is far away. This meant that police at their home would stop work and the only contactpartner would now be the big policestations. They said that it would not be usually that such a criminal would return to the place of crime.

The flashbacks Simona was suffering went lesser and lesser, but they never really stopped. Carls sickness worsened, he even thought once for one week that he might be suffering from lungcancer, but the doctors check said that everything would be fine.

Two weeks after the dinner they visited a little gallery with Amanda in which an artist had sculptored human heads which he wrapped with transparency. There was also a big painting of a cow. Amanda liked it very much, Carl was not so torn off the stool.

Simona at the police.

Simona, a few days later had a nervous breakout at the police.

„But if he had a chainsaw, HE might have cut her into PIECES.“

„Gimme back my little child, you lousy, you don’t do your work.“

„If he had a big chainsaw he might have cut her into pieces.“

„Gimme back the pieces, gimme back the pieces, gimme BACK.“

After this Simona was for two weeks in closed psychiatry. It did not help her really much.

Carl nearly lost his job because there was a younger immigrant who offered to work harder than him for less money, but for the luck of Carl the young man was not as talented as he was.

Carl often looked after Amanda doing her garden while his wife was not at home, it was so chilling to him looking after her, he often thought about buying a washing machine for the dishes to surprise his wife, but all his calculations did lead to nowhere, so he denied the thought.

„I am released.“ Said Simona when Carl was carrying her home from psychiatry. She thought that all the pain would have been gone in this two weeks. Carl was smiling a little bit over this, while biting his teeth.

They drove by a restaurant she liked, where they were often before Tina was born and fetched some spaghetti to eat from there.

Jack was coming over the evening and telling them that his wife had a car accident and that Anthony was sick, but nothing too serious. He was really concerned about his own troubles and it was good for Carl and Simona to finally focus again on the bad beings of somebody else. It gave them back a little bit of normal life in their big disaster.

I will not chop off your head. I will not make you mad.

I will cry for you, take it into your hands. Wash you.

You are my life for now, my everything, forever.

Tina cried over these words from Mr. Hankins. They sounded too much like those of Timmy.

„Timmy, Timmy, wait, did we not learn so much at school today?“

„Yea Tina.“

„Can you help me keep it in mind?“

„For sure, I will give you courses.“

„Thank you Timmy, you are my best friend.“

„Timmy is alright, I think he has learned that it is over.“

„You mean that he is no longer in love with her?“

„No, I mean he realizes that she probably will not be coming back.“

„Okay. That is good. But, the police says she is probably still alive.“

„I know that must be hard for you, but my boy has to finish with it.“

„And our friendship?“

„Is like always, why not?“

„Okay. They say in these cases the torturer get mostly complete control and he doesn’t do quickly mistakes.“

„I have read that no matter how well they plan everything, in most cases they will do at some point some mistakes. I think that is our great chance. Our great chance might be that he likes her so much that he doesn’t kill her, and then, when he does a mistake police can catch him, or homeland security.“

„You calm me very much, I mean also he has to fetch food and drinks, isn’t it. I haven’t thought about this until now. I mean it was in my mind, but I haven’t thought about him making mistakes. I mean how many citizens keep in mind a picture.“

„I think they mostly will operate in couples, I would do. So that one cares for the living …“

Carl: „But isn’t it, police said he would work alone. But they also said he is all too professional.“

And really, Mr. Hankins went to the supermarket like every other individual and did buy like every other individual what he needed to live. It is a wonder that he is still not catched.

Mr. Hankins:

For sure I am feeling unsecure, and I fear that people will recognize me and report to police. There is no doubt in that. I mean, I am a monster, who doesn’t want to stop a monster. But till today nobody did report me to police and so I go on doing my evil deed. I mean that little girl is now dependent on me, she needs me as I need her. I even bought her a balletdress. I doubt her parents have ever bought such an expensive dress for her. It gives me pleasures to watch her in this little dress. It is a little too small for her, but I couldn’t drag her into the store, she is just a bit too wild. But that is just the beginning, I bet she is just wild because it is the beginning.

I am sweating often while I do my buyings at the supermarket, but I think that is normal and I don’t think people would recognize me, I mean Charles Manson also brought it far.

The dress police did find was the dress Tina loved the most.

Everything blurred for the next two to three weeks. It felt like the Baolos would feel the intensity of the rape that is done to their daughter on their own. That was how Carl described it to his wife, his doctor said he was suffering immensive post-traumatic stress and gave him very strong pills.

The police came the next days and told the Baolos that Mr. Hankins was reported on a petrol station and that they missed him on the highway but that they would be now close after him and that there would be no doubt that they would solve the case.

Mr. Hankins:

I was reported, I saw it in television. I know that gives a lot of hope to the family of the Baolas, but what can I do. (He grins) Everyone needs a little bit of publicity isn’t it.

Timmy went back to school, he had power from the new hopes and he told everybody that his girlfriend will be found and that he will heal all her wounds. The children had to discuss overtly about abuse at school and they all did get safety rules to follow.

Timmy felt like a hero, but the other children told him he should become the Timmy again that he was, so he tried and learn the hard reality. They said that these criminals would be often more clever than police is. Timmy wouldn’t believe them, he said homeland security will solve the case. He said they could find any terrorist and so they also could find such criminals, there was no doubt about this for Timmy. He just waited for his little princess to come back, but he lost himself too often in these thoughts so that the teachers had to report at his parents that his grades were all in danger because of his love, and that he finally has to stop doing such behaviour, which could ruin his world. They all wanted Timmy not to give up his world, no matter how hard the case would be, they didn’t want to loose another child, this time to madness.

The main question in the life of Simona and Carl was still „how should we deal with all of this?“

She was plucked out of the earth like a wild rose. It was hilariously to think that the police would

solve the case. Over three month were gone by. „We will try to find further clues sir.“ That was what policeofficers would tell them on the telephone. In television was streamed about Tina, and that she was still not found. It hurted and it made both of them cry like babies.

„I know, … I know that Simona, I am just calling through cause I thought you might need some distraction.“ Simona wanted to hang up the phone but then she invited Carla to come over, she on her turn said that she wouldn’t have time but would come another day.

The man who was coming this night to Carla was really frightening her, and she also told him he would be a pervert. But she fucked him like all the others and she got the money and she was happy with it. It was about his weakness she was more pissed off then by his dirty character, and she made him finish fast and took double the price. She swor to herself after this that she would quit this dirty business. But as usually, that swear was none she would hold. She rather lighted up a cigarette and recounted the money, making a crossing in her guestbook, so that she would go sure she would never invite this man again. She still has told nobody about her secret job and she felt bad about not telling it to the Baolas, she didn’t know why, maybe because they were her closest friends, maybe for that, but she, for herself couldn’t figure out why she would feel bad about it.

The strategy of Carl and Simona to not give to much hope in little signs was to focus on their work. Simona even got one good hit when she wrote an advertising for a bank in which guys were planning a robbery and which said at the end of the video that one could trust this bank the most.

Her boss liked it as always and she also was satisfied by it, so that made a little extramoney for the Baolas and this time they decided not to spend it on research about where Tina is. It was the first time they didn’t any longer feel selfish spending again money for themselves, although it felt really awkward to them. They first would go into a super hip restaurant to eat there like kings and queens do. After they wanted to do something with Carla and maybe with Jeffrey and his wife and the children. Maybe they would go into a funpark or something like that, something even Tina would have liked, just to cheer up the other kids a little bit.

I will take your bones out if you scream aloud.

No matter what you do, you filthy little piece

you will start to be quiet now, I don’t want to

have trouble with these policeofficers.

Mr. Hankins came into a control of policeofficers but they did not recognize him, he had a new identity and was, like they had suspected it better than the police. Tina was in the back of his car and they just winked him through after checking his identity and making some alcohol-tests. She was underneath in something he had extra built for her, inwhere she had to lie straight and stiff, with a gag in mouth he ensured that she would not scream or make any sound and he fixated her, to all of this he also drugged her, so she did probably not even hear what he said to her.

Back in the policestation when the officers saw the news they were going all stupid over their mistake. They immediately called the Baolas to tell them the tremendous mistake and excused for everything. Carl was freaking out and told it Amanda and called Jeffrey and Jack over it, he was like a raging bull and no one could stop him. „My little sunshine, my little daughter.“ He cried all the time with his head in the palms of his big head. Simona brought him pills to calm him down a little bit. He didn’t go to work for three weeks and also the thing with the funpark was canceled for the first, but they swore they would do it when they were feeling better.

„Mom, is Tina now very hurt?“ Timmy was asking his mother.

„Timmy, they think Tina will die from all that is happening to her.“

„But if he likes her so much, he cannot kill her, can he. He cannot.“

„Mostly, when the peak is reached, you know, they will kill their victims, to have a chance to escape all the danger they have put themselves inside.“

„So now it is very dangerous for this man to have Tina with him?“

„I think he does not feel that secure like he wants to feel at this point, police is near after him.“

„So, then they will find her.“

„Timmy, you should concern on your own life, that is what we agreed on, yea?“

„I will do mom, I will do. Don’t worry, I got my life and I am living it, I am only concerned with this.“

„Good boy. Make momma proud yes.“

„I promise you I will do my school with the best grades I can get out of it. Even … no, I will just let it aside.“

„It’s okay, you can have grief, just don’t let yourself be overwhelmed by it.“

„Do you also have grief mom?“

„Oh, I am feeling deeply with Simona and Carl, they have my deepest wishes and condolescences.“

„That is too heavy words for me, my teacher also said to me I do not need to do this.“

„No, you should focus on your life. Otherwise you will get sick like Anthony.“

„I understand mom, I understand.“

Mr. Hankins:

I cannot take her for the rest of my life. For now it is pleasure, but in a while I will get sick of it and I will need a new attraction. I don’t think that she will be doing it for long time, I have a good vacationspot for us two, but I don’t know if she likes it or not, on the other hand I have to keep her on short line, she is too angry in the last days. It is really hard to break the will of that little girl. I did not expect it would get this hard.

„Carl help me, I see again my little birdy lying on the ground with sperm of this monster all over her.“ Carl came out of the kitchen with the dead body of his child in his arms, blood dripping from her body to the floor. Simona turned around and saw him walking nearer a few heavy steps until she screamed. „What is it?“ Carl asked her. „I said I see pictures of Tina with sperm on her again, over and over, it feels like she is getting raped in this particular moment.“

„I will call the doctor darling.“ He took up the telephone to call the doctor and drove her to him, so that she could talk to him about her problem. For Carl everything was too much, his dreams went too bad and everything became messy in his mind.

In television they said that homeland security had been giving up on finding Mr. Hankins in near future, and with that they gave up on finding Tina alive. Timmy bursted out in tears and also his sister and brother cried over the horrible news. Simona was not going outside for several days and Carl went to see the doctor who said his lung was really bad due to smoking.

A few weeks later all of them were in a big funpark where they drove rollercoasters and did other funny things, like making pictures with Mickey Mouse, or going to horror cabinetts. The horror cabinett was maybe a bit too much for Carl because he puked afterwards, although he could drive rollercoasters till dawn without any sign of sickness.

„It feels good to have some free time again, isn’t it.“

„We nearly feel like normal people again.“

„Come on, no matter what horrors she will get through, be sure it will end.“ Anthony said. His father slapped him onto the head and started a quarrel about parental speech and that children should not interfer and how it was extremely unpolite to say something like this.

„It’s okay Jeffrey, he is a kid.“

„What about we are trying this big rollercoaster.“ Simona urged to ask.

And they went on riding the biggest rollercoaster of the park and everyone had fun. It was really a happy day in their life. Once again a happy day.

Mr. Hankins:

I will kill her in a few days, I am sure of that. She is so much getting onto my nerves. She doesn’t like the dress I bought for her and she does not want to do what I ask her to do, I have to use force and ask her a thousand times to do what is so easy to do. I will just slit her throat and then I am off to some other country.

He is thinking this while he is driving through a forest inwhere he has a little hut which he did build, where he is going to make vacation with Tina. There is a big lake nearby and they are all to themselves, nobody will disturb them. What also means, he will get to the peaks of his fantasy here. And after the peaks for the victim even more horrors begin, mostly after them the abuser decides to kill the victim and sees it as halfdead cadaver of no use for his sexual pleasure.

Simona at the doctor:

„All the time I am thinking she will be coming back and everyone tells me she won’t? Am I wrong?“

„It is natural that you have these wishes, some never let go of these wishes if a dead corpse is not found, some are haunted by them for all their life.“

„And what should I do against that, doctor?“

„What we can hope for is that the medicine works and then everything will relax a little bit.“

„Should I search a psychotherapist?“

„If you feel comfortable with one, then you can go to one, but I think it is a bit too early. At this point you can still have hope for your daughter.“

Mr. Hankins:

Shit, the fucking shit, I am going to take her out of there.

He is stopping the car and goes to the back to open his secret hiding place and take Tina out.

„There you go my little princess, today you are allowed to sit next to me, we just need to put your chains on.“ He is dragging her to his side of the car and urges her to climb through to the seat next to his. He turns on the radio. „Isn’t it much easier like this?“ - „Yes Mr. Hankins.“ - „And you will do this time what I ask you for.“ - „I will obey Mr. Hankins.“ They are driving to the little hut and he pulls Tina inside of it having her on his lap for a while where he rubs her little pussy.

Simona is breaking down at home and Carl cannot help himself. He brings wine and drinks enormously much of it, he holds her in his arms and says nothing. After a while he turns on the television on minimum volume just to have something to look at.

„I will die from this, she was just taken from me, why can’t they bring her back. They have so many teams, and staffs and everything, specialists, everything, why can’t they bring her back to me. It is so unfair, it is unfair, unfair, unfair, I won’t live with it, it is just unfair how this all is happening to us. Can’t she just be back here, her room is like the day she left, everything is ready. Why can’t she just be back here. I urge you, do something, I want my little daughter back, I want her back, back, back, bring her back to me, bring her back, back, BACK.

„You ever dreamt of becoming a big girl Tina?“ - „I don’t want to, let me go, please let me go, let me go.“ - „Tina, Tina, we had this time over times.“

„Tina Baola is still missing, the police sorrowly admits several mistakes in the search for her and we are all sharing the deep grief of the Baolas.“

„I cannot watch this Jeffrey.“ She combed her hair and wanted to be back to normal.

„What should we do, should we break our relationship to them down.“

„Wasn’t it funny to be in the park.“

„I thought it was rather too early for them, and for us aswell to have such a fun.“

„But Simona told me her doctor said every memory that was good about her daughter would keep her alive, and also would maybe make it easier for her.“

„But not for Tina.“ He switches off the television. „I can’t help it, I don’t know how to help Carl, it gets me so depressed, there is just nothing to do.“

Anthony comes into the livingroom and stands still there.

„Oh, Anthony, it’s okay, you can come inside if you want to.“

Simona had several outbreaks this night and she nearly felt her body, it was like she herself would also have been touched, she couldn’t help but feel strange to herself. As if she was, like her daughter, an object to abuse.

Carl was sitting in the livingroom, like every evening, watching the news over and over. Once he searched for other victims and said to himself „we are not the only ones“, this made everything even worse and the felt pain feeling even more awkward and deathbringing.

Carla calls through and comes over.

„The doctor said I should push things into the backyard in my mind, so that I can push forward in my life. He said on this point it is probably like this, that the killer will be at his point where he feels safe and where he will abuse her until he has got enough and then ...“ She breaks out in crying.

„They will present you her dead body. Wow, that is what your doctor told you?“

„He said it is better to face reality early, to not be that much shocked by it.“

„And Carl?“

„He is still not giving up, he is driving every day to the next police station to talk to them and calls through in homeland security. They say, at least he is no serial murder, so there is a slight chance.“

„And you shouldn’t build on that, for sure, I understand that.“

„You know what, I wanna have fun. Let us watch titanic, do you like that one?“

„Yea, for sure, I am a woman, I love that movie.“

„Ok, I am going to get the dvd.“ She stands up to fetch the dvd and puts titanic inside. They watch. Never again Mr. Hankins appeared on the window. Everything was, like always quiet in the neighborhood.

Midnight.

Tina screams in the little hut.

It seemed every day for the Baolas as if Mephistopheles was just beneath.

He was reaching in into the idyll, Carl began to dream about coins and did read it as a very bad sign. On the one hand he was busy about not loosing money, on the other he was willing to loose everything, just for getting his daughter back he would walk through hell.

In the evening of november the fifteenth the phone rang and no one was on the other side. Just a few minutes later Carla called.

„Carla, was that you, a few minutes earlier?“

„No, I didn’t call.“

„Ok, somebody called but hung up.“

„Strange.“

Tina didn’t like the vacation at all and now they were in another hiding-place. Mr. Hankins became rougher and rougher, it seemed as if he didn’t know what to do else with her little body and mind which he wanted to suffocate, that was for sure.

Carla came by and brought pizza with her. They ate slowly.

„You know what, what if there were places on earth in which the earth would be hanging in the air, wouldn’t that be cool. I mean, why didn’t ever an architect try it out.“

„This really sounds cool, I just know pictures in which clouds are shot down to the lawn, they are really surrealistic and funny, isn’t it. I mean, what a way to hunt, these clouds are so lame.“

„I wanted to say that, you wouldn’t need much skill for cloudhunting.“

„Yeah. Isn’t everything better with pizza.“

„I especially like how they do the cheese.“

„Do you think I should buy some birds, just to not be so lonely herein?“

„Wow, that’s a good question, uhm, do it. I will teach them little songs.“

„Ok, I will buy me some.“ She takes a bite of the pizza and looks at Carla.

„Are you still afraid darling?“

„Not that much now, I feel more confident.“

„You should not be afraid, we are all there to help you.“

Tina lies in chains infront of a tree.

„Is there Boston Police-Department, this is Carl Baola, I wanted to ask if you know something about my daughter, Tina Baola. Homeland Security told me they deeply think she is in Boston at this time.“

Mr. Hankins:

I could not but let go of her little body. What use was she for me, she screamed and was always shivering, I couldn’t get the feeling right. It is better to abandon a thing if you can’t get the feeling right, it is better to go, it is better to leave, even if it makes you cry.

„My poor little princess.“ Mr. Hankins and Carl Baola were uttering at the same moment.

The dead will not whisper to us.

In silent nights Carla weeps over all her fragility and faults, she takes the phone to her ear and she hangs up again, and she knows the dead are dead and dead memory is dead memory, but her memory comes too vivid, all the pictures, all this vividness make her feel guilty, guilty, having done something wrong, she don’t know whatelse to swear to, where to pray to, the dead are dead and the dead will not whisper to us, but the memories whisper and come alive, they hold on to us and we cannot delete them like a computerprogramm, they are hanging within us forever.

„Why you haven’t been more carefull.“

„I should also be more carefull,“ she bites on her turn into her pizza.

„You should get more books about it and read them, how to be carefull.“

„Very funny. I see you got your humor back.“

„You know, it feels like she is dead, it feels like the pain is gone from her.“

„And so you can start feeling better.“

„I try to, and also Carl is getting better.“

„What movie do you want to watch this night?“

„Lately I have seen password swordfish, I absolutely admire these kind of movies.“

„So, why not watch oceans eleven?“

„For sure, that is a good choice.“

„I also like the ones with explosions, this explosion in password swordfish is so epic.“

„You can say that, yea. Isn’t it that sometimes we lack this epicness in life.“

„Let us watch Hero, I wanna watch an epic movie now.“

„Of course yep, I just remember the red leaves falling when they fight with the swords.“

„They say in it people give up their lives for many reasons, for friendship, for love, for an ideal.“

„My ideal was always to be as good as possible in my job.“

„I can imagine it being hard for a woman to be in a position like yours.“

They watched Hero and afterwards had an awkward discussion on how to make french fries correctly and about french men and especially their noses, finally they made french fries, which made Carl very happy, that late the night.

Tina is still lying in chains infront of a tree.

Mr. Hankins:

Fuck it. I had the thrill out of it. I had everything I could wish for. Fuck it, it is over now, over and finish, there is no returning.

And the dead will not whisper to us.