What is your opinion?
Awesome Writing and Awesome Story
"I love everything about this novel. The Gen-X references from the 1990s, the humor, this is a great read, and I would recommend it to anyone! One of the best romantic comedies I have ever read! "
Loved it
"Loved the crazy sister, friends etc and of course... true love! "
Great book
"Great book. Great writing. Enough said!"
Dear Jane
"My favorite love story. I loved the humor of the Dear Jane part. "
Dear Jane
"Very well written an kept me wanting to read chapter after chapter, well done! 🥰"
Loved it
" Brilliant writing. "
Fantastic …writing, humor, romance
"Such a great laugh out loud love story!! Brilliant writing!"
Breezy
"Refreshing. Hilarious. Just so much fun to read. Loads of love to the author. Keep shining."
Love!!
"LOVED this story! I laughed out loud many times. Great job! "
Dear Jane
"Great book. Loved the main characters and the others slotted in perfectly. Romance and humour! I laughed out loud lots of times. Would recommend "
Dear Jane
"Had me clued from beginning to the end. I like how it took time for her to find love. It was fun, had a good laugh and picked up a few tips"
Loved it but can I repost on wattpad
"Could I repost on wattpad "
Dear Jane
"Loved this book so witty! "
Dear Jane
"It's a great story and funny at the same time."
This is hilarious!
"I've made it to chapter 10 so far, and this is one of the coolest romance novels I've read in a long time. I'm not super into the genre, so giving this a shot was a bit hard for me to begin with, but the Dear Jane letters at the beginning of each chapter have grown on me a lot! Your style of writing feels very personable, which I really like for this particular novel. It feels like Abby is pulling me along for the ride, Spanx and all, whether I like it or not! She's captivating, wild personality and all. I'm really enjoying this and I hope she gets some sort of happy ending for herself. On the technical side, besides some grammar bits here and there, this is super smooth to read. No complaints here ~"
Dear Jane
"Raally enjoyed this - well crafted writing. Story flows well and the characters are well drawn and empathetic. Good stuff."
So Much Potential for a Comedic Tour De Force
"You have some clear and obvious writing talent. Your ability to pull together a seemingly absurd, random and comical set of circumstances and make the whole crazy, frenetic scene work is impressive. The story starts strong with the memorable sequence of the truck crash with the chickens and the spork incident. It draws the reader right into the story and this whole manic world that happens around and to Abby, the main character. In the early chapters, you do a nice job of introducing characters and establishing Abby’s unique voice and perspective on the world around her. The ensuing chapters play out more like a series of loosely related events, rather than a cohesive plot with a beginning, middle and end and a consistent conflict throughout. There is immense potential with this story. Here is what I loved about your story: 1. Abby – she’s a hoot. Her take on life, love and human behavior is fresh, unique and hilariously sardonic. Her self-effacement endears her to the reader and makes her a real and makes her a relatable character. 2. Setting – The news room setting was a great choice. I liked some of the backdrop of the decline of the newspaper industry. The comfort Abby achieved in sitting in the press room was pricelessly described. Descriptions of the layoffs and some of the desperate editorial changes they made to remain competitive in the media marketplace were compelling and very real. 3. Absurdity – The opening with the chickens and the spork is just so off-beat and yet believable with only moderate stretch of the imagination. The whole trip with Derek was bizarre and yet still felt grounded in the possible. Some fell a little flat, like why did the doctor date have a kiddie bed. But most of the absurd situations worked well. 4. Jane – The way you progressed Abby through the development of her alter-ego and the way you demonstrated the slow march from obscurity to fame and success with the column was very well done. You showed a great sense of subtlety in progressing that story line and weaving it consistently throughout the story as a running theme that the reader could latch onto and anticipate each chapter. 5. Letters – the letters and responses and the beginning of each chapter were absolutely awesome. They gave good foreshadowing as to what to expect in the coming chapter. They clearly demonstrated Abby’s natural talent as an advice columnist. And, I laughed the hardest at these passages. This was a unique and effective device. Nice job. However, there are some areas I observed where you could make it even stronger. 1. Conflict: You need more conflict. A Rom Com should be more like a war with a series of battles that turn the tide toward victory or defeat, with the ultimate ending being the final victory. Conflict engages the reader, makes them nervous, causes them to feel the character’s anxiety, and creates a sense of hope for the character to overcome the obstacles in their way to happiness. While a Rom-Com reader intellectually knows the romantic leads will come together somehow in the end, the writer needs to find a way to create doubt and concern. The reader should be thinking “How in the world is this situation going to be resolved?” And they should maintain this uneasiness throughout the balance of the story until the payoff at the end. Rather than a war with major battles, your story plays out like a series of minor skirmishes that come and go. Which leads me to my second point… 2. Many of the characters either come and go, or appear only briefly, when, to the reader they seem like they should have more impact. The story is so completely dominated by Abby and her quirky, clever take on every event that occurs in the story, you don’t get a lot of additional perspective. Abby’s rapid-fire commentary on her life and surroundings is funny and charming and interesting for a period of time, but after a while, there is so much of her internal monologue, that you start to become numb to it. I believe you need to flesh out more of the characters, bring them more to life. Give them more to say. Develop some sub plots among the friends that somehow relate to or help progress Abby’s story. I started to get a little claustrophobic living so tightly within the walls of Abby’s perspective. Which leads me to a third point about your clever and highly entertaining writing style … 3. Think of your favorite Van Halen song. The Eddy Van Halen wailing guitar solo is amazing and exciting because it only happens once or twice in the song and lasts only for 30-60 seconds before the song becomes more balanced again among the band members. If you went to a Van Halen concert and instead of the band playing their songs, it was little more than Eddy screeching away for 3 ½ hours, you’d eventually lose interest. Your writing style is like Eddie Van Halen. It’s amazing. It’s intense. It’s unique. It can be overpowering. And, it would be more powerful in smaller doses, spread out among more dialog and exposition of other characters and their differing perspectives. I’m not proposing that you change or rotate literary perspective. I believe you can give other characters more voice by allowing them to speak more and to interact with Abby and with each other through more dialog. Eddy Van Halen’s solos stand out because they are something different than David Lee Roth’s singing. But, you need both to balance each other and create a more diverse and interesting experience for the audience. And, speaking of Van Halen… 4. I am assuming you are older than Abby. I’m 50 and most of your pop cultural references were amazingly spot on and quite hilarious … for a 50-year-old. Examples of references that I liked, but felt where anachronistically out of place: Referring to the owl munching on a tootsie pop; Kirk Cameron as a heart throb; comparing Josh’s “hot” young date to Pamela Anderson; who is well over 50 by now; describing Ben’s car as being from the early 90s – literally 25-30 years old; getting to second base while listening to “Every Rose Has it’s Thorn”, a song that was released in 1988 when Abby was 4-5 years old; riding your bikes all over town “in the 80’s”, when, at best, Abby would have been 7ish in late 1989, Corey Hart,, etc. The first couple of references, I didn’t give the date stamp much thought, but as the story progressed, the constant barrage of such references consistently seemed off by about 10 years. This brings me to my second to last point… 5. As much time as we spent with Abby, I wanted to get to know her better. But I feel like she was so busy observing the world around her and waxing her clever take on the peccadillos and peculiarities about life, love, chance and human behavior, I never felt like I really understood what drove her forward in her life. This was almost her defense mechanism against allowing herself to be vulnerable to her true feelings. But, it also made it hard to glimpse what her true feelings really were. What did she really want. I guess, she sort of wanted “The One”, but it wasn’t always clear from her actions what really motivated her. I wanted to see past the façade of her clever observations and see something more vulnerable, more conflicted, more flawed - really flawed, not just superficially with a spell of clumsiness, awkwardness and bad dating luck. I wanted to see real challenges for her to overcome. The lawsuits, the ups and downs of dating, the fallout from the viral video, the professional struggles, all could have created solid tension, but were resolved too quickly and easily. Think of conflict like sex, you want it to linger. You want it to tantalize and tease. You want to get to the end, but not too soon and not before an awful lot of pressure builds up and releases explosively at the end. Sorry for the visual image there, but that’s what a Rom Com should be; literary coitus. And, my last, delicate point… 6. The story is so female-oriented, stemming 98% from Abby’s inner monologue, I fear you risk losing half of your potential audience. There’s only so much detail about soaps, sweaters, candles, shoes and female hygiene products I can relate to and this story is so chock full of nuances that appeal almost exclusively to females, it was hard, sometimes to stay engaged. More troubling is that the male characters are one-dimensional at best, observed exclusively by Abby in somewhat of a stereotypical way. You give them scant bits of trite dialog and dispense them quickly. Josh is the prototypical but likable enough cad. Derek is the self-absorbed inattentive jerk, who doesn't mean any harm, he just doesn't know any better, Gwen’s husband is the geeky social misfit. Even Ben is little more than a relatively flawless nice guy. The relationship between Abby and Ben just seems to happen, rather than triumphing against some sort of difficult odds. Think about WHMS. That story works so well because you get such a great balance between the male and female perspective. And those characters are both completely three-dimensional and “real”, with flaws, hopes, let downs and true vulnerability to each other. And they experience real conflict that you, as reader, allow yourself to believe might not be able to get resolved. And, so when Harry finally does run through Washington Square to kiss Sally at Midnight on New Years Eve, both female and Male viewers are enthralled. Oh, and one more point… 7. Too many parentheses. If you can’t work the thought directly into the prose, then it is probably extraneous and distracting from the mission of the story. Some of your best content took place between brackets. But there’s so much funny content, that it almost starts to sound like white noise. I know it is hard to part with a priceless observation or a super clever line, but save some of your material for sequels or other stories and hit us less often, but harder with each comical reference. This will also free up more story time for development of character, conflict and plot. In all, I was very entertained by the story. You write as if Carrie Bradshaw mated with Robin Willams. Your ability to present unique and memorable situations is impressive and your sense of comedic timing is excellent. I wrote as long and detailed a review as I did because I see so much potential in your writing style and in this story in particular. Good Luck!!"
