Chapter 1
Mom says it’s my mental illness, why can’t you just be normal?Normal disappeared the moment daddys fingertips scratched at my bones when he violated me. Normal ran screaming after the first time I was hit by that boy who I thought loved me.
Normal was out of the question when I took all those pills to try to make it all stop.Normal has never been in my vocabulary, mom. Black and white, there is no grey. I am held prisoner to my bed or I am suffocating with the amount of tasks to accomplish, there is no in between. I sometimes wish there was a physical deformity wrong with me, because then people would understand. Maybe if I get borderline personality disorder tattooed on my forehead in big red letters people would stay away, for they would know what a disaster I will make their life. After all, That’s what I’m best at, destroying anything and anyone in my path including myself. I don’t mean to, it’s just in my nature. Why can’t you be normal?
The demons inside me hide so well I wouldn’t know where to start with battling them. They are rooted into my soul, I am their lifeline. Without them, I would be lonely, and empty shell
Who would I be without my experiences? Where would life have taken me if I were normal? Would my children have a sane mother? Would my family not judge how well my mental state is by the size of the dark circles under my eyes? Would a man want to marry me and not wonder when my next episode would hit? What would I be without my disorder? Who would I be?I guess we will never know, mom.
