Chapter 1 – Stella
Inhale. The sound of flowing water from the electric fountain tickled the hair on the back of Stella’s neck.
Exhale. Tension from her spine released through her breath.
Stretch. Her muscles pulled the stress from the day before out of her body through the tips of her fingers.
Inhale. The soft Zen music playing from her bedroom stereo bounced off the tranquil pallet of muted corals that enriched the walls and enveloped her.
Let go. All of it disappeared into an expanse of weightlessness that blanketed her soul as she closed her eyes and opened her sight to peace. But in the calm, something was amiss.
Serene, Stella’s morning ritual had become her constant in a reality that challenged her to the marrow of her bones. Her meditations and gentle affirmations had brought her back from the despondent edge of a sea of melancholy to the peaks of rich connection in the eyes of her daughters. It had helped her to establish an inward stability that was reflected in the home they shared. But now, in the space that imbued her life with security, the only thing she felt was an overwhelming sense to leave, move, get out...now!
The urgency in which the sensation coursed through her body left her off-kilter as she stood up from the crossed-legged position of her meditation. Stella felt so dizzy that she collapsed back down on to the floor. She tried to gather herself by propping up on her hands and knees, but her strength failed her.
“Pack a bag, get the girls, and go” she whispered, as to give the plan confidence as well as her heart the courage to do what was necessary. She needed to protect her family, but as she rose, the weight of it all pushed her back down onto the ground once again. “Where do I go? The girls aren’t ready, I’m not ready”. Her voice cracked from the fear building inside her. Then another overwhelming sense. This time she could actually hear the words on the edge of her consciousness call out to her. “GO...NOW,” Then again, “GO, NOW,” It was clear to her now that the voice was familiar as it pleaded for her to leave. She finally stood with the ground firmly under her feet and walked out of her bedroom.
The next thirty minutes flew by in seconds. Stella grabbed all that was necessary in two black duffel bags for she and her girls. She then walked to a portrait on the wall of the three of them, pushed it aside to reveal a safe, entered in a code, and the door opened. Inside was a small 5x8 leather-bound notebook and 9mm handgun with bullets. She put them carefully into the bottom of one of the duffle bags, loaded them into her jeep and went to wake the girls.
When she re-entered her home her daughter’s artwork framed a sign in the entry that read “Family, No One is Left Behind”. Asante’s vibrant depictions of waves of varying sizes crashing on a shoreline captured Stella’s breath. In the living room signs of Aissa’s budding curiosity and imagination were illustrated in the intricate block cities that she built. Her daughters were more than she ever hoped they would be and yet still so young. Her sense of protection became an armor around her frightened heart, informing her steps as she walked down the hall to the girl’s bedroom.
“Asante, Aissa” she whispered in the glow of the dawn’s early light streaming into the girls’ room across their sleeping faces. Though they each had their own twin sized bed, Aissa would get up in the middle of the night to sleep with her sister. Her little body was wrapped around Asante when Stella sat at the edge of the bed.
“Momma” Asante answered as she opened her eyes, “Is it time for school already?”
She did not want to alarm the girls, so she lied. “No, but we are getting up early to go on a special field trip to the Zoo. And guess what, sissy poo can come too!”
“Ok, mommy” Asante’s voice was thick with sleep, “But Aissa has to listen to me because I’m older, so I’m in charge!” The idea of any of them being in charge of anything in that moment made Stella laugh nervously. But it gave her pause as well. They had been running for years until Asante was of school age and the last two years had been good to them. Safe, hidden, normal. What if she was wrong and she was to destroy the tiny bit of certainty she had established since Michael? Ok, she decided one last family breakfast in their home and then they would go.
She kissed both girls and asked, “Who wants pancakes, sleepy heads?”
At this, Aissa shot straight up in the bed and with her arm stretched as far as her fingers would pull, screamed “I Do. Me, me!”
“Asante, get dressed and help your sister to do so as well and meet me in the kitchen in ten minutes for some strawberry jacks!”
“C’mon Aissa, I’ll let you have the biggest one, if you hurry up and let me pick out what you are going to wear” Asante encouraged Aissa as they hopped out of the bed. Stella left the room and walked back down the long hallway, past the living room to the kitchen with tears in her eyes.
When she got there, she wiped her face and looked around, but it was as if she had never seen it before. For a moment she did not know where anything was located. All she could feel was panic, the sight of her innocent children brought the gravity of what was at risk to her full attention, the rest of her mind was in a fog. She took a deep breath and broke it down into steps. “Bowl” she whispered to herself. She then opened a cabinet to her left and found the bowls. Grabbed one of the appropriate size and put it on the counter. “Pan,” then without thinking she bent down to another set of cabinets and found her pots and pans, she took one out and placed it on the stove. Stella continued with this process until she had all the elements to make the pancakes. She began to whisk the batter while she tried to work out where they would run in her head. She had been devising a contingency plan for months, but nothing was solid. Her contact at the Eslan Institute had not written back to her in weeks...is that how they found us?
“Mommy!” Shouted the girls, interrupting her thoughts. Asante and Aissa had sat themselves at the table and were looking at her in awe.
She looked down at her hand to find she was pouring pancake batter on the counter instead of the hot frying pan adjacent. “Oh Shit,” Stella said jumping slightly back and into the moment. “Mommy must need more coffee,” she laughed as she began cleaning the mess on the counter.
Asante asked, “are you ok, mommy?” looking at her with worry in her eyes.
Determined to distract her girls, Stella answered, “Yes sweet face, are y’all ready for the zoo! Which animals do you want to see most?”
“The giraffes, the giraffes!” Aissa squealed.
“I want to see the lions” Asante replied as she seemed to drift off into thought. Could she feel it too, Stella wondered? The fear in her body flooded to her eyes and she began to sob over the stove. Both girls rushed to her sides and she bent down to embrace them and kiss their little faces.
“Mommy, you don’t have to make pancakes if you’re too tired,” little Aissa whispered into her hair as she held them tight. “GO, NOW!” She knew it in every fiber of her being as she released them.
“Ok girls, let’s do Mckie D’s on the way to the zoo. I’ll get a large coffee and we’ll get two big pancake breakfasts for my two big girls! Get your jackets,” Stella grabbed her keys and bag, took one more look at their home and ushered the girls out the front door. As they descended the steps the girls began to sing the “Ready for The Day” song that she had taught them. With each step the pit of Stella’s stomach hollowed the confidence she was so desperately trying to establish. Something was wrong. Something that she couldn’t perceive, like it was specifically placed in her blind spot. She felt like she was walking into a trap, but like a moth to a flame, it couldn’t be helped. As she looked down at her girls holding hands and singing, she hoped that the fire that was coming wouldn’t consume them as well. She hoped for their future, she hoped for her past, she hoped for the world. She would give her last breath to ensure their fate.
As they reached the sidewalk Stella looked up and down the street several times. Nothing. Silence. They walked toward the jeep.
When they got to the Jeep Cherokee she fumbled with the keys as her hands shook almost uncontrollably. Asante looked up at her again with worry in her eyes. Stella smiled as reassuringly as she could. Days filled with laughter and light engulfed her mind’s eye as she met Asante’s gaze. They need you, move Stella, now. She steadied her heart, then her hands, finally she opened the door and let Asante in. She then grabbed Aissa’s hand and walked around the back of the jeep to put her in the car on the opposite side. Stella looked down the street. Nothing. Again silence. She opened the door and buckled Aissa in. As she closed the door, the lights of the 18-wheeler truck that sped toward her flooded her vision. They had found them. The truck side swept her jeep. Stella flew through the air from the impact as life began to leave her body. The truck never stopped and seemed to vanish as quickly as it appeared.
The sun continued to rise in the sky as the condensation on car windows evaporated. Birds, uninterrupted sang their early morning melodies in the trees that lined the street. All was as it was a moment before. But the last sounds that Stella heard as the night of death crept into her consciousness were the cries of her two little girls. Their weeping tore through this otherwise picturesque morning as blood pooled around their mother’s broken body, evidence that nothing would ever be the same.
