Chapter 1: roxy
Life has a funny way of throwing you for a loop. There is nothing funny about this loop but I feel like a hamster who is stuck on a wheel that won’t stop turning. Nothing would prepare me for the emotions, feelings, and words I would say or feel when my best friend dies. Death changes everything and now I truly am alone in this world. Sure, I have my mom and people I work with but the one person I would be able to call any time is now gone.
Taking a long drag on the cigarette between my lips I hold it in letting it burn in my lungs. I’ve never smoked this much and I normally only smoke when I drink, but here of late I can’t seem to find the strength to stop myself. I’m standing on the patio of my house and I can’t decide if this is all a horrible dream or if my whole world is about to fall apart. My head spins as I have a hard time stopping myself from crying, but the nasty headache can go away any time now. Going back inside and right into my room I throw myself on my bed and lay there under the covers. I need to be alone even though I’m already alone. My phone won’t stop ringing but someone is worried about me as news always travels fast where I was raised.
“Mom.” I whisper into the phone.
“Please tell me you got out of bed today and got some fresh air.”
“As long as going to smoke counts as fresh air then yes.” I hear her familiar huff into the phone knowing she hates that I picked up smoking to begin with.
“Are you ready to leave tomorrow?” She asks treading lightly.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Don’t forget your passport.”
“It’s always in my bag, ready to go. I’ll be leaving before you even think about getting up.”
“Make sure you take your time. You know the closer you get the more the memories and things are going to hit you.”
“Thanks for the subtle reminder.”
Sitting on the edge of my bed I stare into the dark room. It’s 3:30 am and I need to get moving. I want to be on the road or at least out of the house by 4. Showered and ready to go I double check that I have gas and everything I’ll need for this trip. I’ve brought enough clothing in case I were to get stranded somewhere, but that’s what my mother always taught me, to be prepared. I had my car worked up last week and they say it’s good to make the 2,500-mile trip from here in Winnipeg Canada to Birmingham, Alabama. The saddest thing about this trip is the way this happened, and that they are both so young.
I let the music carry me through our many memories while I program the GPS. It’s telling me where to go and warning me about the change in time zones, tolls, and country. I’m aware of these things but I’m hoping to make good time. The song changes and Travis Tritts voice comes across instantly reminding me of the first concert Bethany and I ever went to. It was Travis Tritt, Thomas Rhett and Darius Rucker.
Our mothers drove us from Amarillo Texas to Dallas where we all enjoyed the concert. We were 13 but we declared that the best night of our young lives. I should stop for coffee since it’s still dark I won’t make it for long without some caffeine flowing. Once I have coffee I hit the highway and let the speed of the open road take me from my home here in Winnipeg to the boarder. Normally I would stop after five hours of driving but I don’t know that I’m going to make it that long. The music is pushing me to drown out the memories but to drown them out I would have to change the station. As much as the memories hurt it feels good to think back on the times we had together.
I can no longer sit still and I need to get up but I’ve already been on the road for six hours. I’ve crossed the border into the United States and I’m glad to not be anywhere near Texas. Even though my mother lives there I think the memories are still going to be too painful. I wish this wasn’t the reason for a visit to Alabama but I miss her already and the urge to fill my lungs with toxins is unfightable. Pacing around the rest area smoking I debate how much longer I can delay driving. I’ve already decided that I’m going to stop and sleep in Kokomo Indiana, but I have to get through the last nine hours that stands between me and Kokomo.
By the time, I cross into Indiana I’m feeling horrible. I had to change the radio station more than once so I would stop crying. My mother calls and encourages me to stop and get some sleep, but the last thing I want to do is sleep. I need a drink, or seven and although I know I shouldn’t I decide I’ll find the best bar intown and hang out there for a while. My mother thinks it might help for now, but I still have two more hours until I get to the hotel. Mom talks to me until I pull into the lot of the hotel then I try to get her off the phone as soon as possible. I should have thought ahead and made reservations but my mind hasn’t been working properly. It’s obvious I’ve been crying but I gather myself before putting my cigarette out and heading inside. The lady looks at me with concern and sadness in her eyes but I’m not about to pour my heart out to her.
“Welcome to Starlit Suites.” She says in her polite voice.
“I’m in need of a room for two nights.”
I hand over my ID and my credit card to pay for this. She’s studying my ID much longer then needed but I don’t say anything when she hands them back to me. She gives me a key card from the wall and tells me to go to the seventh-floor last door on the right. It sounds rehearsed but that’s nothing new since this is a big place and it seems it would be easy to get lost in here. Fumbling with the key card deciding once I make it inside I’m going to nap, shower and find something to eat. It’s only 6 pm here but that’s too early for a trip to the bar. Throwing myself onto the bed I’m out almost as soon as my heard hits the pillow.
My alarm sounds at 7:30 and I decide to order room service and shower while I wait for the food. I only brought one dress since I planned to wear it for the funeral, but for now I’ll wear shorts and one of the nicer tops I have. I don’t dress up outside of work so my clothing isn’t all that nice. The shorts cover just enough of my ass and my top reveals just enough. Leaving my long brown hair straight down hanging over my shoulders. I have strappy sandals along and they will do just fine for tonight. Before I leave my room I’m sure to check that I have my key card, smokes ID and money. The same receptionist is hanging out when I leave but first I talk to her.
“Where is your favorite bar and how do I get there?”
“It’s just down the road a few blocks on the left. It’s called McGee’s they serve food and drinks. The bartender Jamie is fantastic at mixing drinks.”
There aren’t many people out but I’m ok with that because I’m about to get wasted and hopefully find my way back to my room. I hand the bouncer my ID and as he looks at me I feel nervous about this. He yells over his shoulder and this tall guy comes my way. He holds out his tattooed hand for me to take. Without hesitation, I take it feeling my insides flip around. I’m also unaware that he’s about to derail not only my plans, but possibly my future.
