Chapter 1
I don't cry like I used to. It's not even worth it thinking of it. Love knocks you down but still, Its not worth my tears. The man I once fell madly in love ugh... well you know how it is in the beginning its all good and sweet.
but......
Lets go back to when me met. everything was like a cherry on top of a Ice cream cake. Everything was like a perfect 50/50, grocery, laundry, household like any couple do as working together as a team. As the months went rolling by so quickly not out the first fight, not second but our hundreds disagreement I would say. I don't like fighting. But Talking it out like therapy is well. (If you just hold it all inside Its like a balloon, filing the balloon with a lot of gas or water it'll eventually pop. sort of speak). The fight was over stupidity. A little Jealously included. I am very Jealous but what female isn't am only human. I rather be jealous then loosing him I always say. lately he's been a little not tough like in the beginning. but with a little he don't care in it. now we just do makeup sex. what's the point of my man being Jealous ? being jealous real quickly when his family members want to talk to me? even a family member male of female. I would want to get to know the family too. He wants me all to himself, Its like a doll in a box all boxed up. Its a good thing to collect the dolls but I am not to be used like that. I need a breather, In reality If someone come to me I answer honesty quickly and/or leave it to my significant other. (Guy thing) . I know my limits. and I know my lane in any relationship. but the big question is does he understand me?... His actions sometimes don't really show it. I guess, People in general say things and at the same time; have a hard time showing what they mean, but I guess my body got used to his screams. I don't let it get to me anymore. yes he makes me cry but believe it or not I bow my head pray and think positive. but people tell me don't let him treat you that way. There's a saying actions speak louder than words. that's why sometimes I don't understand men in general. but "that's just me" and my circle of friendship is very tiny. am very selective of who to hang out with as friends. I look around people's way of starting drama I rather stick to myself. He spends all his time in the streets, with his boys. yea I understand he needs a break, but so do we a girls night out. never had it but am looking forward to the future to having one someday. Right now am focused on my kids and multitask with household and everyday life.As for him There is something called phoning home and coming home when he goes out. I sometimes think he forgot about me, the one who he calls his wife his (old lady) around his friends and family, I get happy to know I am the one. I don't go out much just mommy duties, don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. Every man is happy knowing that when they meet someone like me. I used to Love and care for him and I still do. why? you all must be thinking well because I am very tired jumping men to men. not every relationship is perfect, yes a few bumps down the hill will come up. At least after every men I got with in the past always checked myself, I do take care of myself very well. Before all this I was juggling multitasking kids, love, life itself, etc.... my kids are far more Important #1 than any man out there. but Dam life gets harder as you know it, Life isn't easy. yea he helps with groceries and laundry and I appreciate it so much, from time to time he comes home to me feeling in the mood and I open up to the one and only man I love who I thought loved me back, we have this mad love passion that feels so good, makes me want to scratch his back with my nails so lightly and bite the sheets. On a daily basis before and during our relation I been taking care of the bills, the kids from previous relationship,laundry and of course myself. yea been Ignoring some calls every now and then because at times I look down on my phone ringing and it's him. calling me from others people's and females number. Like I said am only human, I have a right to get upset and questioned him about who numbers my phone rang to . but like always we argue. During my (me time) I check all me and my kids health and everything come well. I thank the man upstairs, Thank you Lord. As for him Lord knows, with who and where. I been showing him my loyalty, and what do I get back? a nag (slap) in the face. I in the other hand look to the other side with no tears. and brush everything off my shoulder. In reality my water works has turned off. we brought a car together but he turned it over to me, he had a past wild drive. I drive where I have to go and do what I have to do, and come straight home. No-one is perfect, You never know what happens till it happens. hope for the best not the worst. from time to time I feel very unappreciated. good men are hard to find. women go thru so much Birth, Rape, Emotional, Abuse, etc...but no matter what I get back and fight for another day. Always remember to smile and think positive.
