The Equations of Destiny

21st Nov. 2012, Mahim (Mumbai), 6:00 am

I got up early in the morning and while having a shower I prayed to god to let good luck follow me atleast today. I was getting ready to participate in the TV serials auditions at Goregaon studio. I wore checkered shirt & my lucky blue denim jeans.

“Sam, breakfast is getting cold; please come fast baby.” mom screamed from the kitchen.

I sought Ganpati Bappa’s blessings, collected my modelling portfolio & wished myself in front of a big mirror in my bedroom, “All the best Sam, today you’ll be selected.”

At sharp 6:45 am I left home. Being early morning the train wasn’t crowded, so I stood at the gate. The currents of cold air were feeling quite pleasant. Fortunately, I reached the audition venue early and immediately got enrolled. It helped me to save freshness than losing it in queue waiting for my turn. After 8-9 contestants my turn had come. While entering audition room the nervousness had occupied me thoroughly. I wished the panel of judges ‘Good Morning’. They responded back with smile.

“Samar, can we start with acting?” instructed one of the judges. I nodded.

Within 20 seconds of my performance, another judge asked “Is it your first audition, Samar Mehra? Don’t be too nervous.”

I thanked him for his generous concern and started my performance again. I was acting on the popular scenes from Shahrukh Khan’s movie, as I always admired him as my role model.

“Samar, we want an actor, not mimicry artist. Where is originality, neither in scene nor in character?” immediately all the judges complained in single voice.

“Yessss sir…” I replied in broken words. I tried to bring some originality and performed as character “depicting student’s feeling of INDIA’s political system and misuse of its power for corruptions.”

The judges might have liked my acting, I presumed from their face & smile. “Can you dance too?” judges asked me to discover if I had any talent too. I danced on the track ‘Senorita’ from movie ‘Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’.

While judges were assessing my performance; I interrupted them and asked, “Sir, I can sing too if you allow?” They allowed me to sing too.

“Samar, you’re good looking, dance well, sing beautifully, commendable expression & acting intensity makes you a good candidate.” remarked one of the judge. My face glowed immediately with their comments.

“But, the final selection will be approved by Casting Director, Mr. Kaushik.” said another judge, “Till then you can rest in a waiting room.”

The volunteers escorted me to the waiting room made up of open glass gallery on 1st floor. I was able to see other candidates from there. I thought to call mom but before I could, one of volunteers snatched away my mobile and notified that it’s no mobile zone.

It was almost 2 hours since I was waiting for Mr. Kaushik but he was nowhere to be seen, I thought “How careless these peoples are with their profession?”

I got up from the couch and enquired the volunteer, “Sir, when exactly Mr. Kaushik will come here”. That Volunteer stared at me for a while and replied “If you don’t have patience to wait for the audition you may leave.”

“Oh my gosh..! If volunteers have such a rude attitude, what about Mr. Kaushik’s? I murmured. To avoid the argument, I immediately returned back to my place but cursed him in the heart that “Has anyone died at Mr. Kaushik’s home due to which he didn’t come yet? Bloody rascal...!”

I didn’t realize when I fell asleep on the couch while waiting for Mr. Kaushik who arrived 5 hours late. The volunteers woke me up. Immediately I managed myself.

“May I come in, sir?” I asked knocking Mr. Kaushik’s cabin.

“Sure! Come inside.” Mr. Kaushik said. He gestured me to wait for some time on Sofa as he was discussing some scene with his team. Now I was completely fed up waiting for Mr. Kaushik and my facial expressions were surely saying that. Unfortunately, he noticed that.

“Samar, it seems you want to slap me hard for making you wait for hours.”

“Oh! What are you saying sir? How can I dare….?”

“Samar, I have an offer for you. If you slapped me, you are in. No further audition required.” Mr. Kaushik insisted with vicious smile on his black face. I was seriously preparing to consider his offer and he got it.

“Time is up! Samar, let’s begin the audition now.” Mr. Kaushik ordered angrily. I was now praying for my rescue from there than selection.

While going through my portfolio, Mr. Kaushik exclaimed, “Hey, I’ve seen you somewhere.” I replied him that it’s my first audition and we didn’t meet before.

“Ya..! Now I remember.” Mr. Kaushik expressed happily but he didn’t tell me.

“Does Mr. Kaushik wants to make me his son-in-law?” I thought sarcastically.

“Samar, you’re a celebrity dude but didn’t tell me that. That’s not fair.”

“If I had been a celebrity, I wouldn’t had wasted my time on such auditions.” I expressed. He avoided further discussion and started the audition.

“Samar, I want to see your physique.”

I took off my shirt and gave different poses of muscle presentations. Mr. Kaushik was pleased to see my muscles and praised, “Wow! It’s amazing. Can I touch your muscle once?”

“Sure.” I answered unwillingly; Mr. Kaushik spread his hand across my whole body, pressed my chest to check its toughness. I felt seduced.

“Take off your pant too.” Mr. Kaushik ordered. I was feeling shy but I obeyed him.

“Hey, I’m now absolutely sure that I’ve seen you before.” Mr. Kaushik exclaimed. He put his hand on my thighs and slowly started going deep. I stopped him right there.

“Dude, if you want good work in the industry then you must compromise somewhere.”

“Sir, what does absolutely this word ‘Compromise’ means?”

“My Dear, nothing is free in life. We’ve to pay for it in one way or another. It’s a process of life.”

I was stuck in such situation of life which I didn’t imagine ever. Mr. Kaushik continued with his efforts, “My son, wasting time on thinking can reduce chances of success.” I innocently tried convincing Mr. Kaushik to find partner if he is a gay, but surprisingly he wasn’t. He had got many opportunities to sleep with girls during casting and now his interest was shifted in boys.

“All the big actors/actresses have to go through ‘Casting Couch’ even if they belong to film background? They will never regret doing it if they become successful but if couldn’t make big in Bollywood then cry in media for cheap publicity & sympathy. Bloody sluts..!”

Earlier I had read about ‘Female Casting Couch’ in Page3 magazines but I couldn’t believe males also have to face it.

“How could anyone use their body to get work in Bollywood?”

“That’s a short-cut to stardom, doesn’t matter whether you believe it or not?”

“Mr. Kaushik, but it doesn’t mean that I should sleep with the person of same gender.”

“Oh! It means you had perhaps stripped happily for lady. Why this partiality with me, Samar?”

Mr. Kaushik thought to take the advantage of situation. He grabbed me in his arms and tried to kiss. I pushed him strongly on the wall and he fell down in pain. I immediately put on clothes on body. I moved forward to lift him but he denied my help.

“Fucking underwear guy..! You people can’t go up in life as you are born to be frogs of the dirty well for life.”

“Oh! That’s how you know me as I’ve endorsed underwear brand and its posters are all around the Mumbai city.” I reacted.

“Let’s forget about TV serial auditions; just wish bigger from the life” Mr. Kaushik suggested.

“If I’m not wrong, now you want to make me a ‘Porn Star’.” I commented.

“No no…not a “Porn Star”, I want to make you “Rock Star”. I’ve a fantastic script.” Mr. Kaushik said.

“Wow! You should then sign big star for it. Why me sir?” I asked.

“Not a bad advice! Samar, but if I sign big star for my film the credit never comes to person behind the camera.” Mr. Kaushik revealed the truth of the profession. I found it true.

“Samar, I want to make a movie like ‘Dirty Picture’ which set fire on the Box Office.”

“Oh! I don’t like ‘Dirty Picture’; it’s too ‘Vulgar’ and ‘A’ grade type movie.” I criticized, “How Vidya Balan’s parents allowed her to play such a dirty role on-screen?”

“Dude, do you know Vidya has become ‘Queen’ of the industry by this role,” Mr. Kaushik explained, “Also, she won “National Award of Best Actress” for ‘Dirty Picture’.”

“Oh my god...! What the fuck, you’re saying “National Award”?”

“These days, these movies are called as ‘Commercial movies’ and ‘Censor Board’ passes it without a single cut.”

“Samar, do you watch porn movies?”

“Of-course I watch it, everyone does that.”

“Do you know; people like to watch ‘A’ grade movie in theatres but hesitate to watch on TV with family?” Mr. Kaushik shared, “That’s our hypocrisy. We are vulgar in personal zone.”

“Yeah, you’re absolutely right, Sir.”

“So… let’s talk about our script Samar; I’m getting late to reach another place.”

“Sir, what script…? I told you clearly I’m not doing your movie.”

“What? Are we playing ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ then from last 30 minutes? Idiot..!”

“Sir, my parents will commit suicide if I do dirty roles. I want to make them proud but not embarrassed.” I expressed my feelings. I took my portfolio kept on the desk and went ahead to leave.

“Samar, you can’t reject Kaushik’s offer; nobody dares to do it in entire industry.”

“So what? Always you reject contestants, today I’m rejecting you.” I replied while exiting his cabin.

“Samar Mehra, you’ll regret it. It is biggest mistake of your life.”

“Don’t worry for me! First make your movie, bloody psycho person!”

“Samar Mehra, you’ll never be able to make career in this industry, and by the way if you would try; I’ll be the biggest obstruction in that. Keep in mind..!”

I left audition hall ignoring Mr. Kaushik’s warning and felt rescued from big danger. When I switched on my mobile phone, I had 17 missed calls from mom but I couldn’t call her back due to low battery.

Nov. 21 2012, In Local Train, 7:15 pm

Since afternoon the western line was closed due to technical problem. Fortunately, at evening services resumed and one local arrived but it was overcrowded due to the evening rush. Many were hanging in the gate and some climbed on the rooftop. Luckily I got to get inside the train. As I was on just breakfast I felt too weak to resist crowd’s pressure so I surrendered myself to it. I closed my eyes to relax but within few minutes I woke up screaming. My mind was still occupied by Mr. Kaushik’s warning.

“What happened my son, are you okay?” One of the uncles asked from behind, “Take some water; you’ll feel better.” I controlled myself after realizing I was in the train.

“Thanks!” I greeted him for his dear concern. I felt good to see uncle’s humanity after facing devil like Mr. Kaushik.

“I’m getting down at ‘Santa Cruz’ station. Take my seat.” Uncle said. I thanked him.

Nov. 21 2012, Home, 9:10 pm

“Sam, did you get the role?” mom enquired as I entered the home. I shook my head and started crying.

“Why do they arrange the auditions, if they don’t want to select?” Mom reacted.

“Because they got the better person for the role. Leave it now!” I responded. I didn’t want to tell mom what happened inside Mr. Kaushik’s cabin.

Next morning dad enquired about my audition but I was in no mood to discuss about it anymore, so I just replied, “I got rejected.” I got up from the place to leave.

“Sam, I’m not asking about the result, but the experience. I know success will be followed by rejections only.” Dad tried to motivate me pulling me close to his heart.

“I gave my 100%. But they wanted more which I couldn’t give?”

“Keep spirit alive! By the way, the advertisement of another audition is published in the newspaper, try out there.” Dad advised while leaving bed room. I read the advertisement and registered myself with hope that it’ll work this time.