Dreamscape

Scene 1:

I was at the terminal.

I don't remember how I got there.

I don't know why I'm there.

The only thing I know is I'm going to leave something and I am so sad about it.

And I'm just standing there. Thinking if I should hop on the next bus or not.

And I stood there.

Waiting.

And waiting..

Scene 2:

I was at the church.

It was an old dilapidated church with endless columns going nowhere or somewhere I don't wanna go right now.

I was looking at the ceiling when someone tapped my back and greeted me.

I don't really much remember who he is. Either way, he is just so happy to see me.

But then, he's also asking me why.

Why I was there.

I lost my religion long ago.

I no longer believe in God, right?

Then why?

I also asked myself why.

I guess he's right. But I'm not sure.

I'm not sure if I did lost my religion long ago. I'm not sure why I was there.

Then he said something.

A name.

I don't remember exactly the name. But the way I felt when he said it.. seems so familiar.

I felt my heart beats faster.

My stomach hurts.

I felt like the first time I met that girl.

Then he said, "she's the real reason why you are here before, right?".

I was about to say yes when he followed: "then, why are you here now?"

I don't..

Scene 3:

I was standing in front of your house.

I was excited.

I'm really happy that I will finally see you.

It was so long ago.

Or I felt like it was.

I was nervous and anxious when I knocked on your door.

I was shaking, really.

I remember that smile when you opened the door.

I love that smile!

I'm so happy to see again that deep dimple on your left cheek. Your round face. Your wide forehead with what I called, "rainbow hair" because of the weird short, thin curls on your hairline.

You looked the same as I saw you the last time.

Yes, a bit different when I first met you.

You're thinner back then.

You're sexier.

And younger.

I miss that.

But I miss you more!

You're "rounder" the last time I saw you. Did you lose some weight?

My first concern was your boobies.

"Oh no!"

I'm so happy to say the same thing I always say when I tell you to exercise, and jog, and go to the gym to lose some fatty.

"Did it deflate?"

I was about to utter my welcoming conversation starter when this guy came out of the door after you.

He's faceless.

Or maybe I just don't want to remember his face.

I'm sure and not sure who he is.

Then I started acting "casual friendly" towards you.

Those lustful thoughts and libido. Gone.

I helped him on something I don't remember what. Or maybe I just don't want to remember.

Near that tree beside the porch, he picked up a kid. A girl. I always wanted to have a girl. But then, a boy is easier.

No seventh birthday special gathering whatsoever. No debut. No eighteen roses. No asshole boyfriends to worry every time my daughter comes home late.

I was walking behind him when you grabbed my arm just like before.

And I felt it.

That soft, firm, squishy lumps of fatty fat you have.

Finally...

But I was not happy. Rather, it was the opposite.

I'm sad because I'm sure I will never feel that yummy squishy boobs you have. I will never smell that cheap shampoo mixed with your oily hair. I won't be able to do that "super anaconda bear hug" I always do to you everytime we lie in bed together after one or two.. or three rounds of steamy hot sex.

I will never taste your lips again.

And that kid.. She could have been mine.

Ours..

Scene 4:

As I walked outside, I heard some children play-phrasing something familiar to me.

A poem.

And I know it because I made it.

For you.

At a dumpster nearby, I noticed a neatly folded yellow paper.

I know that paper though it's just an ordinary yellow pad paper.

There, I wrote the poem I gave to you ages and ages ago.

Something I gave to you back when you were younger.

And thinner.

I don't recall the entire poem. Only the last part because that was the first thing I wrote before I made the whole.

If you choose me to be your first,

Then I promise you to be my last

I woke up with my pillow full of tears and drool.

19/05/2015