solace ; nomin

the first visit of many , i suppose .

although , i hate how weak i look in front of you ,

cant you see ?

please , just leave me be .

The plain hospital walls became a sickening sight. Day after day in confinement purely due to an injury the boy told himself he could shake off. All idols managed just fine after injury, so why would he be any different? But, of course, the nurses and doctors simply wouldn’t listen - nor would the members.

“Jaemin?”

His head lifted slowly, eyes scanning the nurse. A spark of hope ignited within him.

“You’ll be discharged tomorrow but you need to rest otherwise you might be facing severe spinal injury as well as muscle damage. It could affect your career, and we both know how important that is.”

The boy solemnly nodded, sighing as the nurse left his room; shutting the door gently behind him. Jaemin huffed in quiet dismay but leaned back in his bed anyways, shutting his eyes and trying to think of positives of the situation.

After a while of contemplation, a knock resonated from the door. His eyes fluttered open as the door slowly swung open. His eyes gazed upon their figure before quickly shifting to the window beside him. It was Jeno - one of his close friends. At least, that was the situation before. Recently Jaemin had grown colder; more distant. The members worried of course, but began to mark it down as the frustrating effects of being out of commission for a while. Typical, Jaemin thought.

“How are you doing?”

The voice was warm and genial yet it made no difference on the other’s attitude.

“Bad.”

Jaemin muttered, eyes fixated on the world outside of his bleak hospital room. The trees looked so lively - even more so than the boy felt himself. In a way he envied it but after further thought, Jaemin found it strange that he would envy such a thing.

“Ah, well, I came to cheer you up! Taeyong said not to come but I knew you would probably get bored after a while.”

He took a seat next to the boy, sitting rigidly with his hands placed politely on his lap. Even he could feel the unwelcoming aura that Jaemin gave off.

Jaemin pried his eyes away from the scenery, casting the other an apathetic look. Beneath those rich chocolate eyes was a deep sorrow he kept concealed. The boy didn’t wish to be in this state and blamed his own foolishness for allowing himself to enter it, yet he would not let the other nor anyone else know. He would keep up the aloof front, and soon integrate it as a part of his being.

“I don’t need cheering up.”

Jeno’s smile fell for the first time since he had entered the room. He sighed, allowing his posture to loosen up as he leaned closer to the stony boy.

“That’s what you think. Now, come on, quit being mean, it doesn’t suit you.”

“Yeah, whatever. What do you want?”

“I told you already - to cheer you up!”

Jaemin sighed, rolling his eyes before lifting himself up carefully so as to not strain his back. He winced in pain at a wrong move but managed to adjust himself nonetheless. Jeno watched intently, aware of the boy’s pain and suffering yet unable to aid him.

“Go on, then.”

“What?”

“Cheer me up.”

The boy’s grin returned once again, as he propped himself up next to the other’s bed and leaned forward so that his face would be closer to Jaemin’s. Normally his adorable eye smile would be enough to lighten anyone’s mood despite their troubles or pain, yet the boy remained emotionless; unmoving and completely impassive.

“So, when do you think you’re getting out? You’ve recovered a lot.”

“I’m being discharged tomorrow.”

“That’s really good! You’ll get to be back at the dorms with us like you wanted, right?”

Jaemin paused at the other’s word, a dejected look plastered on his face.

“I want to be back in my room, is all. I couldn’t care less about being with the others.”

Silence fell upon the two as Jeno stared at the boy in almost disbelief. Jaemin kept his gaze locked on the other but quickly lost interest after a moment or two. It took Jeno a few moments to compose himself but when he did his tone came off as hostile.

“I want you to be happy, but you just have to be cold, don’t you? You’re blaming yourself for something stupid that was hardly your fault and then you’re acting all rude and crap. I don’t get you, Jaemin.”

“I never asked for you to make me happy, Jeno. But if you’re gonna be acting like this then you should leave.”

“Me? Acting like ‘this’? I can’t belie-”

Jeno paused, face darkening and fists clenching. He stood up, walking to the door and huffing in repressed anger. Frustrated tears built up in his eyes and blurred his vision: he turned his back on the other.

“Whatever. See you later, Jaemin.”

The boy slammed the door shut; his footsteps clicking down the hall until they completely disappeared into the quiet ambiance of a docile hospital. Jaemin scoffed, adjusting his position and leaning his head back carefully onto the flat pillow the hospital had provided before closing his eyes.

“Don’t worry about him, Jaemin, just focus on the positives… The positives.”

He murmured to himself, slowly drifting off into a realm of sleep and static-filled dreams of nothingness. The boy’s mental affliction muted into a droning hum, canceling out all noise and all distraction. His mind would become encased in another senseless pit of despair for another long 8 hours as his body rested; repairing the existing damage inflicted.