Chapter 1
Chapter I
ME and confusions of Mr. Bruh
Once upon a time, I was visiting a prison in order to check policy related to that system, when I received an official report:
- “OMG! I CAN´T EVEN… I´M DYING… I´M CRYING… DIRECTOR WAS FIRED ‘CUS’ THIS ONE WAS SINGING LOUDLY ‘ONE LESS PROBLEM WITHOUT YOU’, BY ARIANA GRANDE, AIMED AT EACH PRISONER. AH, DUMB DIRECTOR!”.
After tottaly starting serious crisis all over prison system, that dumb director asked me to put on my official report: “I am titaniuuuummmm… shoot me down!”, by David Guetta. So, sniper shooter aimed your gun. After that, officers asked to director one word. He sings “Burn”, by Ellie Goulding. Dumb director! Af! Not satisfied, he showed the video on Vevo. Prisoners have heard and took action. The crisis increases.
After that, some prisoners yelled “Tiiiimmmbeeeeerrrr!!!”, by Kesha. Walls were burnt (playing “Burn” again), and even lawyers yelled “Timber!!!”. When I saw lawyers yelling, I was worried about the order and law. So, I claimed command in order to director get out of prison.
When the dumb director was at exit door (emergency, of course), he heard prisoners singing “lalala tuntuntun tutztutztutz life is a bitc…!”. Hosting hilarious director from inside to outside of the prison, I started singing, with my charming and deep voice, “Poor Boy”, by Elvis Presley, but in a way too much harder, techno, and modern, with deep voice.
When I just sent greetings about good night, actually I just ended up lip sync over “Timber”, by Kesha, mixed wih my deep voice. The dumb director was going away; so I called him again, and handed one process, dropped. Thankfully, he signed up and wrote down “Let It Go”, by Idina Menzel. By the way, there are incredible millions of views on Vevo.
When I was singing another verse over “Let It Go”, I used my deep voice, way too harder, techno, and modern. After investigation and no risk about disqualification due to bias, I invited the director to a bar, but I strongly chanted “Don´T Let Me Down”, by The Beatles. At the bar, actually, a kind of club, the dumb director still did not know how to sing at the right occasion. He sings “… that fat butt… wiggle … wiggle… wiggle…”, by Jason Derulo.
The dumb director aimed the song at a married woman… Pffffff… outcome: so many excoriations… pfffffff! The poor dumb guy was claiming to the married woman and her husband like this way: “Baby, Don´T Hurt Me… No More… What is Love?”, By Haddaway… Dammmnnn it!.. way too cool, old school. When the poor guy still was claiming, I was drinking triple Alaskan Polar Bear, inspired by Buddy Love. Gave $500.00 as tip to waitress, so I said her (waitress): “sleep on them, “hunnas”; sleep on them, ”hunnas”… hahaha”, inspired by Wiz Khalifa.
She greeted and yelled: “I´M DYING… I CAN´T”. So, I said: “I only want to make you smile, sweetheart!”. She said: “OMG! Shhhiiiittt!”. Meanwhile, the dumb director arrives at the bar, totally threadbare. He said: “Gimma a scotchaaaa… no… no… ‘gimma’ a dry martini, shaken, not stirred”. That director, when sings, moves only half of his mouth… longitudinally. He does not enjoy using his diaphragm. I was keeping total converstions with other women, when the dumb director stands way too close. Those girls yelled: “Bruuuhhh!”. Not satisfied, the dumb director saw a bowl of flour, then put into your mouth, and started singing: “I am so fancy…”, by Iggy Azalea.
So, everyone in “da” club was singing way too cool “Born In The U.S.A.”, by Bruce Springsteen, and, mainly “God Bless The USA”, by Lee Greenwood… and… and… for the younger “Party In The U.S.A.”, by Miley Cyrus. So… the dumb director, totally disconnected, full of flour, was singing “Roar”, by Katy Perry, instead of “Firework”… Daaammmnnn!
For sure, the director was not the life of the party. Despite of it, he took on the stage and announced:
- Be ready everyone! I have a great idea!
- Ohhhhh! – exclaimed the crowd.
The party reached to climax. There was drama… ratchets, thots, hot drunk thirsty girls were dying … Turn Uuuuppp... The dumb director discarded the DJ…
- “Grooooosssss!!!” - Said most of the “peeps” at the party.
So… so… so… he started to beatbox:
- “Paitupuptiidziynnnyuyyyihhiupi!”.
- Hahaha! - The girls laugh loud and say:
- I can´t even!
Climax in “da” club, thirsty women ever seen after big joy.
- I´m dying! - They say.
Bottles up. Only the dumb director was down.
- Maaaannnn, wake up! – I say.
So, he sits next to a super thirsty woman and sings “I will follow into the dark”, by Death Cab For Cutie. The wise girl says:
- Awwww! No, thanks! Daaaammmnnn!
- “Bruh, James Bruh”, by “Ian Shaming” – I say ‑ Absolutely shaken and stirred, the director.
Bottles up! Women with highest heels and beats with fastest couple next to me freaking out and engaging the greatest dialogue ever:
- “Yes, you are!”... “No, I am not!”... “Yes, you are!”… “No, I am not!”… Girls at finest; beats at “grossest”. Young couples moving. Women with high heels – code dress -, many hot lip sync and lip bites. This is entertainment.
The dumb director wakes up, but weakly takes a risk and drops:
- “Throw dat ass in a circle” and “sleep on them, honey!”.
- It is hunnas, “bro”… hahaha!
“I am addicted to you”, by Avicii, dropped hard in da club. The dumb director, who only knows rules, but not laws, takes a handful of flour like a “bruh”, not like a “bro”.
So, I say:
- Maaannn, do not take lyrics seriously.
Mind blown of the guy. – “Booom!” - I told him:
- It is nice being outrules, not outlaw.
- I´m crying!
The guy recovered his moves, then, I said:
- Just enjoy the lyrics in ‘da’ club, ‘bro’, do not take seriously. Do you feel the party? Turnt everywhere. Look at this! What an amazing night!
When was beating “this girl is on fiiiireeeee”, by Alicia Keys, the guy became into way too amused and danced like ‘dat’ girls.
- “Bruh”! Talk to her way to lead her to the pure fire. She will never want another thing around the world, only your salt and fire, moving on to high pressure.
It is “Ice, Ice, Baby”, by Vanilla Sky on her head smoothly; and “…burn, burn, burn…”, by Ellie Goulding, into her heart hardly. Women opening bottles, drinking champagnes and opening doors to happiness. Champagne in their lips way to lip sync, hearing high speed beats.
There is no sign of exhaustion in their bodies, only so much strong vibrations. Women needed more champagnes ‘cos’ the love was strong and hard. Although women shaking in high level of excitement in ‘da’ club, beat drops relax to reduce the very high tension, in a good way. So, I order Alaskan Polar Bear Turbocharger III. Mr. Bruh merely sips juice.
- Mr. Bruh, my “bro”, what a hustle!
- Huh?
Met again the female bartender, Mrs. Bartenderness. Gave her more $500.00 for her appreciation.
- Sleep on them (“monnas”), “hunnas”, again! She thanks to me and say:
- -You are welcome! She sings “I Can´T Remember To Forget You!”, by Shakira and Rihanna.
- You are beyond young, right? I Could be your “daddy”!
- You are!
- Mammmmnnn! (pause and tension)
She sings “I Luh Ya Papi!”, by Jennifer Lopez, whipping her feelings with fire in her back until have no more burden in her heart. She sings sweety “Stay The Night”, by Zedd ft. Hayley Wilkiams.
Mrs. Bartenderness is already properly under refreshment. I, confidently, motivate Mr. Bruh to aim his investments at “ratchets”. Next to the stage there was a “ratchet” so thirsty that looked like dehydrated. He prepares a convo talking to himself:
- Go big and hard or go home!
