Silent Scream

A/N: This is a sneak peek/excerpt/behind the scenes look (I haven’t decided yet) for the main story, “Wished at Midnight.” It is also included in my Miraculous2k18musicchallenge on my Tumblr :)

Marinette stared at the matte black computer screen. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting... she knew that her grandmother would eventually catch up to her. Her eyes drifted down to the designs for the camp’s masquerade ball, and a strange, prickling fire-ice sensation traveled over her skin in ripples. She glanced down and watched patterns appear over her skin as her body fought to shape change and her mind tried to keep hold of her emotions. But inside, her heart screamed with agony and rage.

She raised her hand and a zap of magick escaped, waking the computer without her meaning to. Her skin settled for a brief few seconds before the patterns began to appear again. She wanted to let out the agony in her soul, but years of drilled-in training kept her throat locked tight.

I wish...

A tear escaped, splashing down on her hand. Not for the first time, she wished she wasn’t Marinette Dupain-Cheng, heiress to her grandmother’s empire. She wished she wasn’t Marinette Dupain-Cheng, keeper of the Ladybug and Peacock miraculouses. No, that wasn’t true; she loved being the keeper of those miraculouses. They were the keys to her freedom. To be...

I wish I was more like Ladybug!

Suddenly, her skin erupted into a frenzy of spots that were too clean and sharp to be a leopard’s. She stood up and went to her dress and fingered the crimson silk on the skirt. It truly was her finest work, and she felt pride radiating out of her troubled heart looking at it. Her blue eyes flicked to the picture frame on the bed. Her grandmother’s sharp brown eyes stared coldly back at her. That one look broke the lock that held her tongue in place.

“I’m caught up in your expectations, you’re trying to make me live your dream!” she sang to the picture.

“But I’m causing you so much frustration, and you only want the best for me...”

Her magick shimmered around her as memories overlapped each other. She moved around the room. Her magick created vague images of people that her grandmother wished her to interact with to create powerful alliances with, or to react warmly to being matched with Shang...

“You wanted me to show more interest,” she waved widely to encompass the phantom audience. “To always keep a big bright smile!” she stretched the expression over her face sarcastically. She folded her hands just as she had been taught, “Be the pinky little perfect princess,” and the expression and the tightness in her shoulders melted off. She caught her expression in the mirror beside her, and she turned to face it. “But I’m not that type of child.”

Magick hummed all around her. The peacock broach suddenly shimmered to life on her chest, as did the ladybug earrings. Suddenly, her grandmother’s image appeared in the glass. Whether it was a true vision or an illusion, Marinette didn’t allow herself to care. “There’s a storm that’s rising inside of me.” Her grandmother stepped aside, pointing to a still and proper image of Marinette. Trapped summer blue met the glistening summer ice storm rimmed in a mask that wasn’t completely Ladybug, nor completely Paon Bleau. Zyah Cheng’s image completely faded. Marinette watched her reflection press a hand to the glass, her eyes warm and understanding.

“Can you feel it, our worlds collide?” she asked softly in a voice Marinette recognized as her own... yet it sounded so alien to her. She pressed a hand gloved in black back to the glass, matching the shape and size on the other side.

“It’s getting harder to breathe,” she choked out as if gasping for air. It was then she could see tears falling from her reflection’s maskless face as well. They both pressed a hand to their hearts.

“It hurts deep inside,” they both admitted.

“Marinette!” Both reflection and reality collided into one single vision and Zyah Cheng’s form reappeared in the mirror. Her disapproving eyes zeroed in on her like a hawk. But before the old woman could utter a single word, Marinette raised her hands in a screech of outrage and shattered the mirror.

“Just let me be who I am! It’s what you really need to understand!” she screamed at the falling shards. Her grandmother’s shocked expression fell slowly into pieces on the floor. Marinette fought to stand her ground even though she wanted to collapse and cry like a child. “And I hope so hard for the pain to go away! And it’s torturing me, but I can’t break free... so I try and try, but I just can’t let it out! The silent scream...”

The last shard finally fell, Marinette turned only to be faced with her grandmother’s face again. Only, with the angle of the room, it appeared that she was glaring scornfully at the design on the mannequin. Marinette clenched her fists as she marched over to meet the cold obsidian chips again. “Tell me why you’re putting pressure on me, and every day you cause me harm. That’s the reason why I feel so lonely, even when I’m in your arms.” Phantom arms tried encircling her and Marinette sucked in a breath as she felt her past loneliness try to intrude and numb her pain. She watched as magick encircled her dress, trying to change it to something that Zyah Cheng would be proud of. Yet, twines of scarlet magick shimmered in the dress, repelling the changes. Marinette’s eyes moved back to her grandmother’s picture. “You want to put me in a box of glitter, but I’m just trying to get right out! And now you’re feeling so, so bitter... because I’ve let out down.

“And the storm is rising inside of me! Can’t you feel it, our worlds collide?!” she touched the top of the picture, feeling the icy cold of the metal penetrate the heat in her fingertips. “It’s getting harder to breathe,” she told the image before pushing it to lay face down. “It hurts deep inside...”

She turned back to the dress, a new passion roaring to life in her veins. She grabbed the offensive magick and ripped it away from her creation. Scarlet light spilled from her fingers as she worked. Zyah might’ve been right about one thing about her dress. It could be better. Marinette would show her! She would show Zyah her own way.

“Just let me be who I am! It’s what you really need to understand! And I’ve tried so hard to make the pain go away. And it’s torturing me when I can’t break free! So I cry and cry, but I won’t just get it out... the silent scream!”

Despite her drive to complete her dress, some part of her that truly loved her grandmother reached through. A memory surfaced; she was twelve years old again and entering her first fashion contest. She had worked for months on her line, fully intending on giving it her best shot. Her parents encouraged her to have fun, no matter the outcome. She tried explaining to them that fashion was fun to her... that was before... before they were gone. Zyah had helped Marinette with creating her collection, yet the spark wasn’t there. She didn’t place that year. Zyah didn’t bother staying for the ending ceremonies. “Can’t you see how I cry for help? ’Cause you should love me just for being myself.” More memories surfaced; more fashion shows came, and designs were presented. Each time Marinette watched Zyah either appear to critique or to completely cancel a project and force her to change direction. Granted she began placing in fashion shows when she followed her grandmother’s directions... but it only ate at the hole that grew inside of her heart. “I drown in an ocean, of pain and emotion. If you don’t save me right away!”

Her world went dark. Something in her heart surfaced then... a new memory. She lifted her head, seeing a ghostly image of Chat Noir’s grinning face beaming down at her, hand extended. “Be yourself,” he told her. “Loosen up!”

She imagined herself wearing her dress and dancing with him. “Just let me be, who I am! It’s what you really need to understand. And I’ve tried so hard to make the pain go away... and it’s torturing me! When I can’t break free, so I cry and cry but just can’t get it out! The silent scream!”

Chat’s ghostly smile dimmed as her song began to end. He wrapped his arms around her and Marinette sniffled into his shoulder. Despite it only being magick and air, she had never felt so comforted by memory than she did right then and there. She remembered him pressing a kiss to her head, and the magick gave way. The dam inside her finally broke She collapsed, sobbing before her mannequin. Somewhere in her heart... even if she was the only one who heard it, she screamed her pain.

Adrien gasped, bolting straight up in bed. His heart was jackhammering in his chest and he could feel the sweat on his brow. He shot out of bed and threw open the door to his cabin. He knew he should pause to see if he heard the scream again, but his instincts propelled him into action. He knew that scream...

Somewhere between the dappled patches of light, Adrien disappeared into shadow and Chat Noir appeared in a flash.