Dead Letters

Dearest Corentin,

How long has it been since I’ve seen your lovely face? From the time you’ve left me, you put me through endless longing.

When I think about how much I miss you, your touch, how warm your body feels like against mine when I sink into your welcoming embrace, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Is this purely love, an attraction, lust, hunger, desire, a need, or an addiction? The fact is that, it’s there for all to see that it’s hard for me to live on without you. When you were alive, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. When death whisked you away, I fell instantly, into an abyss of despair and dread.

How many more until my dying day? I would ask myself. How long would I have to wait to see you once more?

Am I becoming possessive, mad? Even to my beloved that has disappeared from the face of this Earth? I once had a raging will in me that wanted to claim you as mine. Everyone must know that I will only love one single person ever so passionately in my entire life- you.

Sometimes my mind wanders off, and I come to realize that I’m thinking about you, you and only you. I want to, but no, I can’t. I can’t get over you. Your existence is infinite; immortal.

Perversion overcomes me; my constant thinking of how it would feel like if you took me. I want to push you to the ground, kiss you silly and ravish you slowly, completely. Perhaps you could touch me here, there, where no one else has ever ventured, tickle me, kiss me, tug and pull at me. Maybe you could nibble and bite me, glide your fingers and tongue along the shy me. Every night I lay on the mattress, thinking of how our nights would have been if we slept together. I want to feel your bare skin on mine everywhere; perhaps one or two digits would drive me crazy and push me off the cliff into ecstasy. And when I’m damp with perspiration, filled with an insatiable want, you’ll come into my sweet embrace with a strong force, hands on my waist, grinding into me. Then I’ll wrap my legs around your hips, so tightly that you’ll only come deeper into me, finding that secret space as I moan and climax.

I wouldn't want you to stop. You'll whisper my name into my ear and look me deep in the eyes -- “I love you, Jasper; I love you so much it scares me," and flip me over.

But now, alas, when I recall our days together, what we had said, what we had done, and the attraction that kept us together... When we made those promises that we’d be together forever, were those just lies? I can just imagine you falling for another, leaving me here, cold and alone. The dreams that reach me are all so vivid! Am I going to lose you?

One fine summer day it came to me, and I realized, it’s not you, nor me, but the fate that ties us together. Even if we stayed true to our love and words, it's death we will never escape, and it's death that would eventually draw us apart. For you my love, I would give my life. Every single time I put a knife to my frail, shaking throat, your voice comes into my mind-- “Jasper, don’t do this, my dear beauty, live on, as I would have wanted you to do so.” I’ll listen; I swear to God I will.

But how can I live on, when my true love’s cold and pale?

I miss you, love, I really do. My dearest darling, mayhap our love has bounds, indeed, for mortals and spirits are worlds apart and forever blinded to my eyes you shall be.

Forever your love,

Jasper