Broken
Thought this song suits this pretty well (Borders by AMBER)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNT-zFJKifI
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I’m broken.
I’m drowning.
All I see is a darkness with no end in sight.
There’s red the colour of roses littering my arms.
Nobody hears me screaming out “HELP ME PLEASE.”
I try to fill the empty black void inside me but everything I do is never enough.
I curl up on my bathroom floor, not crying, just numb.
Numb to my emotions, and to the pain that I should be feeling but just don’t.
I think about everything and nothing.
I’m cold, so very cold.
I don’t know how long I lay there, just curled up in a ball and numb to the world.
It could’ve been minutes or hours. Time just disappeared.
I stand up and look at myself in the mirror.
My hair in tangles. Dark circles underway eyes as a strong indication I’ve gotten little to no sleep.
My body too skinny and weak to keep me standing without swaying, showing I haven’t been eating properly.
My skin too pale from lack of sunlight.
My oversized sweater now too oversized on my body from loosing so much weight in so little time.
Everything hurts.
My body, my head, my heart all feel too heavy. Like I’m swimming in honey.
White and black spots start dancing in front of my vision.
I see myself fall backwards but I don’t feel it.
I hear muffled shouting and banging at the bathroom door.
The door opens and a blurry figure rushes towards me until they are hovering above me before everything is black.
My head is pounding and everything is foggy.
I hear a steady beeping.
I open my eyes to a white ceiling.
I feel someone holding my hand.
I look to see who it is.
It’s you.
For the first time in what feels like forever, I let myself cry.
“I’m sorry.” I say over and over again.
You just smile and say “It’s okay. You’re going to get better and I will be right there with you.”
I smile back tearily.
All I hear as I fall back asleep is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
My last thought before falling completely asleep is: I’m not broken when I have you by my side.
