Prologue
I always wanted to be who everyone else wanted me to be and I think that that's part of the reason why I don't feel happy in my own skin at times.
My parents are both Lawyers and own the biggest law firm in the state so of course that means we’re crazy rich. They weren't around much.....it was usually just my older brother Ethan and I. I didn't mind much because my brother was and is like a parent in every single way. He took care of me, he protected me, he fed me, he supports my musical passion, and he's okay with my sexuality.
I found out about my sexuality when I was in the fifth grade. This cute boy named Liam piqued my interest when he moved here from England. He was so sweet and innocent and at one point we became friends.
It was in the middle of the year when miss cooper introduces Liam to the class, “class, this is Liam and he just moved here from England. Liam, would you like to introduce yourself to the class?”
“Uh...I’m Liam, I like race cars and the color purple” he had the cutest accent
“Well class would anyone like to be Liam’s buddy so he feels welcomed?” Miss cooper said
I was the first to my hand. Liam smiles the cutest little smile and made his way towards me.
I was the first to my hand. Liam smiles the cutest little smile and made his way towards me.
“Hi, I’m Carson Brooks and I also like race cars” I giggled
From then on we were like two peas in a pod we would have sleep overs at each other’s houses, stay up until dawn, and sneak out to go to arcades. We continued being friends....best friends some might say, until the summer of ninth grade year when I told him about my sexuality
We were at my house one day when something came over me, guilt. I felt guilty that he didn’t know my biggest secret.
“Liam?” He looked at me, confused
“Yeah......?” Liam said
“I’m gay” I blurted out
He just stared at me for what felt like hours and then just got up and left. He left my room. He left my life. And he left my heart. My heart was in so much pain, if felt like someone stabbed me in my heart a million times. It hurt so bad I cried for most of the summer, my parents and brother tried to make me feel better and it worked.
For the most part, but deep down I know that nothing could ever fix that hole in my heart except for the one that dug it. A few years pass and during that time I met this wonderful boy named Samuel. We never became anything more than friends, I just couldn't get over Liam. Luckily Sam was fine was that.... because he’s straight, we joked about that one a for a while.
Now here I am in my senior year ready to get the hell out of high school and start the life that I always wanted.
One without anyone’s else’s input and judgement
Until then I’m stuck in high school for 9 months
Until then I’m stuck in high school for 9 months
